How to find the strength

[darkenmydoorstep]

How do you find the strength to do it?
Just how?
I know kids and teenagers that have done it and that pisses me off frankly. That they had the balls to do something like that. That I'm a lesser, weaker person.
How I admire these people who get their shit together and just crack on with it instead of lying here crying like a baby like me.
I know a 12 year old who threw herself off a bridge. Used to pass her and her mum on the way to school. Calmly told her friends not to open the letters she gave them til later that day. How do these kids and teenagers have that in them, yet I don't?
I'd love to be that bold. Maybe it's a lack of consideration. Perhaps they just don't contemplate what can go wrong the way I do, keep their mind on the task in hands. Fuck knows.

 

[SmollMushroom]

I can relate, I'm also very afraid about ctb. But ultimately I think it comes to desperation or to be scared more about life than death.
And it can very well be. I personally wouldn't want to do it, but I feel that there's no other way. If you feel that you are left with no other options, I don't think age comes into account.
That being said, don't be so hard on yourself. When (and if) you will feel to do it, you won't overthink about it too much I think.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I can relate, I'm also very afraid about ctb. But ultimately I think it comes to desperation or to be scared more about life than death.
And it can very well be. I personally wouldn't want to do it, but I feel that there's no other way. If you feel that you are left with no other options, I don't think age comes into account.
That being said, don't be so hard on yourself. When (and if) you will feel to do it, you won't overthink about it too much I think.

Yes that's right, when the idea of prolonged mental pain outweighs the notion of any physical pain. That's when you know you're ready I guess.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also hate how it's so unnecessarily difficult to cease existing on our own terms, I certainly envy those who are now peacefully not existing. Jumping sounds like such a terrifying method to me personally, I find it so cruel how people have to resort to methods like that in the first place and cannot just have the option of a more peaceful death.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Exactly. The euthanasia movement is a joke. Even where it does exist, you have to meet someone's criteria. Why???

Jumping terrifies me too, esp when I read about people surviving the most horrendous jumps.
My ideal would be the magic 'N' but is now near impossible to find. So sfter that it would be to buy/hire an old car (before they dicked with the output), just hire a garage and seal myself in it. But I can't drive so how would I ever hire a car?
Maybe that's what I need to do first. Learn to drive. Seems an expensive way around it though.

 

[baabbaabbaab]

I wish I knew