How old were you when you first experienced suicidal thoughts?

[DrowningWithin]

I was 5, I had started self harming by elementary school

 

[kasper?]

It feels like it's been with me all my life. It's like I was born to live a brief moment in my life, to live a demo, so to speak.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Early 40s, after a big failure in life.

That made me suicidal.

 

[mayayo]

14 when I had anxiety attacks just before going to school on a regular basis, thought I'd rather die than keep going

 

[Tommen Baratheon]

Must be around 16.

 

[michaellionel]

I was around 12 years I think

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I was around 8 years old. I spent a lot of time alone as a child and was bullied for being fat, stinky, and wearing my dad's hand-me-downs. I always knew of hanging as that was what you always hear about in regards to CTB. Haven't been able to shake it since. Had times where it was better but a day hasn't gone by where it hasn't crossed my mind at least once.

 

[freakypossum]

I'd say around somewhere between 10-12

 

[lilichka]

distinctly remember being around 7 and praying that i would die, then a really shitty ctb attempt at age 10? started sh at 13-14.

 

[SleepingSheep]

About 20, possibly much younger, but I don't remember much. At the time, I was isolated in my room, alone, very anxious, depression. I started looking for CTB intensively.

 

[Ashes of a Dreamer]

12, and it's like the age where these things start to happen, at least seeing the majority of comments. Basic, when you finish childhood and start being a teenager

 

[bananaolympus]

19

 

[onthefence]

I was 5. I remember standing at the top of the slide on the playground at school and wondering if jumping off would be enough to kill me.

 

[cosmic-realism]

Six.That was the first time I felt both,compassion and a yearning to die.

 

[nomoredolor]

Age 12, about 20 years ago

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

7-8 years old
1st very very shitty attempt
+
Self harm

 

[danny10]

14. Attempted only @ 36 years. Now I'm 37 and I pretty sure it's my last year on this fucking planet.

 

[Kanashii]

I started feeling suicidal when I was around the age of 11 or 12. Things weren't going too well at that point in my life. What really made things worse was when my girlfriend committed suicide a couple years after. I still feel guilty about it and blame myself for things and want to be with her so bad. She was my first true love as well and I never even got to say good bye.

I yearn to be with her, but for now I'm confined within the earth. I still have her note and although it tells me to not do the same thing she did, but here I am 6 years later still thinking of it. I have suffered a lot and I know of people who have suffered much worse than I have. All life is is torture, gradual torture that eventually climaxes. Pain never goes away, and emotional pain is throbs more than physical pain.

 

[ocheeva]

I think I was 22/23 years old. It developed quickly and I was able to acquire N trough the old (now unavailable) source in Mexico. When it arrived I was feeling better so I just hid it. Tried a bit it once in a depressive episode some time later, knocked me out for a day. Then my parents found it and threw it out. Now I'm 30 and the monster is back with full force. I don't think I can fight anymore. When you're this depressed all the traumas come rushing in like a fucking torrent and consume you.

 

[FoxSauce]

The closest memory i have in like 6th grade i was like 11 (ik you have to be twelve)

I asked my mom when she was showering : hey mom, what would you do if i took my own life
Shw responded she would be pretty sad and also she asked why would i ask something like that

I also asked my dad the same question via call and he replied thats he would be very upset

Thats all i remember

 

[G000pie]

Around 9... almost comforting reading all these other people say that's when theirs started. I felt like the odd one out in that regard. But I guess that's when you really wake up to how messed up things are.
It's also when the OCD and delusions started. I heard a mental voice telling me I needed to "go through a door" to "be with the others"... My first suicide ideation was to jump off my deck. I'm glad I didn't, it wouldn't have been high enough, it would've left me with broken bones and suffering for a long time after. Maybe the roof would've been better. But I always told myself no, you have to grow up and get out of here, you have to hold on... and for what. look at me now.

 

[SeekingOasis]

Hard to recall, but I would estimate around 11-12. Ten years later and that longing for nothingness hasn't gone away.

 

[Young]

1 minute old. I was crying so much already

 

[Well_Its_Time]

8

 

[ma0]

After an absolutely horrific 7th year of life, I started actually having suicidal thoughts at age 8.

 

[greebo6]

About 16 I think .

 

[human909]

I was around 13 when I got my first suicidal thoughts.

 

[Kibby]

I've had the thought around 12-13 years old, but never the desire to go through with it until 23 when a very good friend I knew for about 18 years at that point just cut me off without explanation. Being really emotional brings it out I suppose.

 

[silkseal]

I was 14-16, I think. I wasn't really aware that they were suicidal thoughts. I was just miserable and I'd get a lot of comfort from daydreaming about my death.

 

[banger12]

When I first started considering it for myself I was probably 15. I guess I had been starting to deal with mental and emotional problems at an earlier age, like 13-14, and I would think about suicide in relation to my own life and feelings. But i didnt actually consider or desire killing myself until 15.

If I want to be really technical i became aware of suicide at a very young age, like as a grade schooler, because of internet creepy pastas like squidwards suicide and lavender town (especially lavender town). It freaked me out and I would dwell on it quite a bit. I guess the fixation started young.