Discussion What was the first method you wanted to do when you started having suicidal thoughts

[Spite]

Well for me I was 14. That was a long time ago now, but I believe the first method I wanted to do at that time was a partial suspension hanging.

 

[memo]

I was about 10 when my parents rented an industrial wood chipper to do some work on their property, I stood in front of it for a long time contemplating if I'd fit through the slot or not

 

[bound]

my first attempt was when i was a kid and tried overdosing on those anti-dizziness pills (not a lot of research or thought went into that attempt x3)

 

[suncide10]

Jumping

 

[DoomedDarkCircles]

Overdosing on meds. It's not going to work

 

[Bitter Almonds]

Cutting my wrists or neck.

 

[undecidedfool]

When I was 10 I impulsively tried to strangle myself with a shoelace because of a bad grade. It was more of a rash action than anything planned.
After that the plan became using a jump rope to hang myself. Then laying on the tracks. Then cutting my wrist. Then overdosing. Then back to hanging. Now for the past several years the plan has been to use a gun.
For better or for worse, I only really tried the cutting and much later bought a gun that I soon surrendered out of fear and panic.

 

[angel164]

at 8 I thought I could kill myself with my thoughts......
and 10 or 11 my first actual attempt was pills

 

[Surek]

It seems I was thinking about drowning myself in the bathtub in some way

 

[lonergirl_26]

mine was hanging around the age of 8.
I had thoughts about wanting to die but never knew how to until I saw a video of a a girl haging in her wardrobe. I think it's in a horror film? I can't remember but whenever I was upset I would always try to do it. As I grew older into my pre teens it became jumping.

 

[limenlux]

My original method was partial-suspension hanging because it was the only method I had available. My current method is partial-suspension hanging because it's the only method I have available.

 

[violetforever]

overdose on pills or a toxic liquid like bleach

 

[mockingbird9875]

For me i started at 8 years old and for a long time i wanted to jump

I did think of OD and cutting but thankfully this site exists so I never did but atm I'm thinking about potential hanging methods

 

[Daniel8899]

Crashing car into a wall. Not something that I would do probably, would rather use SN

 

[hughmun9]

Jumping in front of a train. It's not that I particularly wanted to do it, actually it is one of the scariest methods I can think of, but at the time it was the only method available to me that seemed to have a reasonable chance of sucess (I was at the time overestimating the chance of sucess of train suicide).

same! had I known about this site there's not a chance in hell I'd have jumped. I was just desperate at the time and without any research assumed the train would do it. It was a little impulsive.

 

[pieceoffox]

Hanging. There were also thoughts about slitting my wrists and jumping from the roof, but hanging seemed more feasible

 

[nayomi]

jumping from my window but instinct are pretty harsh when you try it.
then a gun but my girlfriend changed my mind

 

[plskilme]

For me it was banging my head against a wall. Which I tried to do in middle school (didn't succeed obviously). Was sent to rehab (obviously didn't help) and there I thought of jumping off a building...

 

[HNR_]

When I was getting bullied by the class when I was 10-11, I wanted to climb the schoolyard fence and jump in front of a car then when my mother passed away, I really don't recall if I even thought about how I'd do it...

When I thought about CTB again in March, I didn't really have any idea, I just wanted something peaceful, time will tell how peaceful jumping is, I guess

 

[inextremis]

I started thinking abt it at 13 but I waited until 17 to try anything. Hanging. My throat was swollen for a month after. I still come back to hanging but I've also strongly considered jumping lately if I decide to commit again.

 

[lightningwallcloud]

I wanted to do PSH. I tried it before and the SI is hard to overcome, granted the attempts were not well planned and in particularly intense moments of despair rather than a planned date. I remember trying to hang myself in a closet with a soft robe belt and ending up standing up before lights out.

I've since become kind of scared of brain damage or consequences for messing up, so nowadays I've leaned toward SN ever since finding this forum. PSH will still be a backup or additional option. Sometimes I debate whether PSH or SN is more peaceful, but SN is definitely more or a certain outcome in my opinion, which is more important than peace level.

 

[abcdefg789]

For me i started at 8 years old and for a long time i wanted to jump

just want to take some pills and go to sleep... oh please, please please....

 

[current93]

when I was in 5th grade, so 10 or 11, I started getting a lot of suicidal thoughts all of a sudden and was consuming a lot of depressive media and got ideas to either overdose or jump from a cliff, those were my first ideas.

 

[The Eternal One]

SI started around age 7-9. I think it happened because of consistent non-stop abuse and neglect from my alcoholic mother. She also attempted suicide by hanging in front of me to scare, punish and shame me for not being her private therapist, saying and doing correct things to make her feel good, which might have traumatized me into considering suicide myself.

(Yes, literally, she wanted me to manage her emotions and past traumas at 8 years old. All alcoholic parents are monsters beyond description or comprehension, btw. If you don't miraculously recover from them ruining you at formative years, you're ruined for life with no coming back.)

I have been wanting to jump from a tall building throughout my childhood, teenage and young adult years because it was the only method that was semi-assessible at the time. When it stopped being the case, I googled and re-adjusted what I'd like to do.

 

[chuuni]

I wanted to do harakiri lol, I actually tried to stab myself but it was with a kitchen knife and I was like 12 so obviously it didn't do anything

 

[aspenjrojas]

When I was 8 I tried drowning (didn't work, obviously), but I kept thinking of that method until I was introduced to drugs, and when I was 12 I tried overdosing (didn't work, I threw up), and after that I had some idea in my head that there was some sort of meaning to it and it was best to combine my two attempts and take enough to od then go underwater in a bathtub. I've considered many ways though, and hanging is now my top contender because of it's success rate. (I don't really like guns, even though that has a high success rate technically)

 

[TAW122]

I don't accurately recall what my exact method is or if I really had a "plan" when I first had a suicidal thought, but it may have been jumping or even overdose, which would not have been my method of choice once I learned about efficacy and reliability. I had a feeling that the act of suicide may be difficult to carry out but did not notice it would have been the survival instinct at play (or even known of such a term) back then. I was in my adolescent years and just the thought of suicide crossed my mind but I never really truly planned it though.

 

[brokennsad]

First I stepped in front of a car, but they really weren't going fast enough to kill me it was in a residential neighborhood plus they stopped. Then i researched poison, lethal plants or freon, rat poison stuff like that. Then I went to carbon monoxide. I was certain that was my out. But tried it n its not as easy to achieve lethal level of co. I have a small shed i sealed, but, bc you're restricting oxygen to get incomplete combustion the coals won't keep glowing they turn white and ash b4 lethal level, then I tried it in a 4x6x8 sealed bathroom, same issue. Stayed in there for 5+ hours. No headache or vomiting or passing out , but when I decided to come out of bathroom I couldn't coordinate my steps, kept falling. I had to cover up smell of charcoal so whoever came over didn't suspect anything. My clothes etc smelled so bad. Then i tried plastic bag tightly over my head in bed all night, didn't work either, very uncomfortable n worthless, like my life.
Now im stuck on researching argon gas. I feel more desperate than ever to get this done. 2 weeks in a row I choked on ordering argon gas tank. My bro keeps coming over the days fedex would del it. Can't explain if he's here. But as it turns out both Thursdays it would most likely be delivered he didn't come over gdamit. I need it for a Friday night bc he doesn't call or come over those days. I can actually set it up in bathroom and stay in there all night n hopefully be dead by morning. When he texts me by 1 on Sat I would already be dead. He would most likely come over by 3:30 if I didn't answer him. To complicate things more, there's a police station across the st from where i live.
Sometimes I think would it be so bad if death fails but severe brain damage makes me a vegetable. I have no purpose to live. No car, disabled. No dl, no job, no home of my own, no friends, no parents, plus my love of 30yrs Mary ann has been dead for 6yrs. Sick of waking up everyday without purpose