how much space does ctb take up in your mind?

[h4ppyhypoxia]

i was wondering on average how often you guys think about ctb in a day

over the past couple of months, its personally taken my mind over completely, and ive got little room for much else, whenever friends go to see me ive always got the thought in the back of my mind that this is one of the last times, despite struggling with anorexia, ive been binge eating, because who cares if im going to gain weight? ill be dead in a couple of months, its my last chance to have this food! i spend my days thinking about my decision to ctb and weighing up the options, despite the fact im already certain i want to go through with it, theres very little time where im actually not thinking about this, ive become obsessed with dying, was wondering if anyone else felt the same or if its moreso passing thoughts?

 

[KatalinaKrimson]

I would say about half of my time thinking in the past 2 months

 

[Pluto]

 

[SilentVelvet]

I don't know exactly how often I think about it, but definitely every day, multiple times a day.

When I cross the street, I don't even check for cars anymore. Deep down, I find myself hoping that I'll get hit and die. Even when I'm out having dinner with friends, I often think about it, and every time I'm reminded of this feeling that I'm simply not made for life

 

[thisisanerror]

Increasingly for the last two months. These past two weeks it is all I think about from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I want to be more proactive about it, but every method I find appealing has so many steps and require materials that aren't easily accessible so I shut down. Wishing I had someone to guide me step by step or at least accompany me in the journey haha. Probably 95% of my thoughts lead to ctb.

 

[Pvnie]

I think about it everyday when I wake up. My awareness is a constant reminder. Id say suicidal thoughts take up 2 hours of my day. Used to be worse though.

 

[hughmun9]

30% of my thoughts

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Since the start of this year, when I made the decision to exit this miserable dump of a planet, I would say about every 20 minutes it is on my mind.

 

[thelostautistic]

I think about ending my life everyday. I've been thinking about it for nearly 13 years. It takes up a lot of space in my mind. I'm just used to it now.

 

[Die.A.Ria]

Im always thinking about it and daydreaming of how it would be like.
i never went a day without thinking of it

 

[valar_morghulis21]

i was wondering on average how often you guys think about ctb in a day

over the past couple of months, its personally taken my mind over completely, and ive got little room for much else, whenever friends go to see me ive always got the thought in the back of my mind that this is one of the last times, despite struggling with anorexia, ive been binge eating, because who cares if im going to gain weight? ill be dead in a couple of months, its my last chance to have this food! i spend my days thinking about my decision to ctb and weighing up the options, despite the fact im already certain i want to go through with it, theres very little time where im actually not thinking about this, ive become obsessed with dying, was wondering if anyone else felt the same or if its moreso passing thoughts?

Pretty much everyday, it's always in the background no matter what I do. Becomes very handy when some inconveniences happen, like who cares I'm not gonna be here that long to deal with that bs.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

Increasingly for the last two months. These past two weeks it is all I think about from the moment I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I want to be more proactive about it, but every method I find appealing has so many steps and require materials that aren't easily accessible so I shut down. Wishing I had someone to guide me step by step or at least accompany me in the journey haha. Probably 95% of my thoughts lead to ctb.

this is exactly how i feel id give so much to have a friend irl who's also pro choice with similar thoughts willing to help and disgustingly educated in ctb methods who i could talk to about this stuff

 

[balladeer]

97% of my brain. Only thing that's stopping me is the timing, I wish to be fully prepared and ready before the process.

 

[makotoyuki]

Almost every day of the week but on weekends, I reach my peak.

I shut off or control those feelings by drinking whisky, gin, or vermouth.

 

[throwawaygirl]

I think of it everyday, pretty much 24/7. Im pretty much stuck at home all day and its all I can really think about doing.

 

[h4ppyhypoxia]

97% of my brain. Only thing that's stopping me is the timing, I wish to be fully prepared and ready before the process.

were in the exact same boat

 

[lifesnotfair]

Since I sit around all day with nothing to do to divert my attention from these thoughts, I would say that it takes up a significant portion of my mind. Perhaps starting school will help.