How many times have you attempted to ctb?

[EvisceratedJester]

I've tried hanging several times but I lost count, so I'll just count the time I tried hanging myself with a belt and the other time I tried hanging myself with a rope as one. In total, that makes 5 separate suicide attempts.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

I have done multiple things that could be deadly from 12-14, but these weren't done with the ultimate intent of ending my life, like putting an exit bag over my head or suffocating myself and seeing how far I can go before slipping away (hanging russian roulette :P ).
Actual attempts:
1 - 2 years ago when I hung myself, my arms, legs and teeth gums went numb and I got an incredible rush of peace over my head before I passed out. The thrashing became an immediate problem, though. Having your body spaz out and convulse is common during hanging (I had no idea at that time), because of this hanging myself in my room was not an option anymore.
2 - 2 years ago, I reserved a hotel room and wrote a goodbye message on this forum, I brought my nylon rope with me and the note but right when I picked up my bag and went for the door, police officers came barging in and intervened. I was sent to the police station instead in a police car to ''talk it out'', so I wasted my money without setting a foot in the hotel. Moral of the story is: watch what you say on the internet. I still have the nylon rope from that day and I updated the note, but it isn't my time yet. I will know when it is.

Wow! That last bit! Any goodbye note I do will be a pre drafted email/message i literally just press send and ping across having taken what I take (prob plan on N in Peru eventually). Anything else would be too risky.

 

[WretchedDreams]

What's a hatman?

A shadow person, an entity who shows up commonly during sleep paralysis or dph overdose.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Good and original poll

 

[clown_17]

3 separate attempts that landed me in the hospital, 2 that had a fair shot at working, and many more impulsive half assed ones that I'm embarrassed to admit to

 

[slightoverlooked]

5 times but the last one was just desperate and I knew I was up to failure... Never planned anything so all my attempts were impulsive or when I didn't sleep for 3-4 days and I dont even remember those attempts.

 

[Oliver]

I tried to cut my arteries in my arm last year. I thought it was going to be pretty easy, although It would hurt a bit, but I didn't care. Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. I messed up my arm and couldn't work out for 5 months - really dumb...

 

[sukiduki]

Stopped counting after 10. One would learn from it and improve on it next time but not me though lol

may i ask what methods you tried?

 

[Mi Mi]

I've been curious about this for a while. Feel free to comment your experiences.

5
1st time..13..mixed roach spray in my drink
2nd time 15 or 16...took every pill I could find in the house
3rd time..attempted to hang myself but couldn't bring myself to jump off the chair and afraid I would put a hole in the beam cs it didn't seem strong
4th time..my gram keeps a revolver under her pillow..I held it and thought to put it to my head but couldn't
5th time...recently...42..drank a cup of antifreeze

 

[tameimpala]

I tried once a long time ago, I think I was 20. We had a plant at home that my father had warned me many times was poisonous and to stay away.

After being rejected by someone I had a very intense crush on, I was very desperate and I cut into the plant and licked the sap from the knife.

I regretted it almost immediately and thankfully, my father had been wrong and the plant only gave me a slight soreness on my tongue

Now it's a different story. Next time I make an attempt it will be my last, because I'll make sure I succeed.

 

[HereTomorrow]

Technically twice, through if you're counting genuine attempts then one.

First time was hanging "test" because I fantasized my death too hard and wanted to prepare for next time, second was a partial hanging as a teen, didn't set it up correctly so my head was spinning for 30 seconds and almost passed out but stood up instantly and hopped back onto bed to try to forget, 6 years later I'm writing this on SaSu so I didn't really forget, quite the opposite.

I often wonder what happened if I got lucky and hit the spot and actually CTB'd as a teen. It was my social highlight of my life but I didn't appreciate it and felt miserable. Years later my social life got worse, my mental health got kinda better? My SI is extremely high because I have small things I enjoy such as the arcade or talking to friends, but I often think about trying again. I'm a 20 something Asian working in retail, I want out.

 

[willitpass]

3 serious attempts that nearly killed me. If I included the smaller half-assed attempts or near attempts then I've lost count.

 

[Silent_cries]

A shadow person, an entity who shows up commonly during sleep paralysis or dph overdose.

Ahh okay, thank you. Never heard of that before.

 

[mehdone]

Does working on bodies of people who have committed suicide make you want to die more or less?

It doesn't have an effect, although working with their families has made me try harder to live in the past.

 

[Demian]

The first time was with some phenobarbital tablets, but I just felt sick.

The second time I took more phenobarbital tablets and spent three days in hospital.

The third time was on 15/11/23 where I took 21 grams of phenobarbital (2x the fatal dose) and 3 grams of morphine (12x the fatal dose). I was in a coma Glasgow 3 for 15 days and, miraculously, I had no permanent sequelae.

I still wanna die

Next time I'll shoot myself in the head, so there'll be no mistake. The problem is finding a gun.

 

[onlyonewayout111]

Heroin OD via injection. Sonehow survived even though it was "high" quality uncut stuff, somehow woke up hours later and threw up my gutsm

 

[J&L383]

Zero, although I have taken risky behavior (too fast on a bike without a helmet ).

If I do it I'm going to make sure it succeeds.

 

[Groot]

I took a bunch a codeine and a shit ton of alcohol, can't believe I thought that'd work

 

[soulkitty]

I don't know what necessarily counts as an attempt, but twice now I've come very close to full suspension hanging myself. The first time was about a year ago and the second time was a little over a week ago. Everything was set up, I had the noose around my neck and all I needed to do was step off the chair and it would all be over. I was really meticulous about making sure the anchor point was strong enough and the rope wouldn't break so I think there was a good possibility I would have died. The first time I knew I was going to go through with it, my SI was pretty much at zero, but then the thought of getting to move to where my best friends are stopped me, I just wanted to see them before dying. So I took a shit ton of edibles to stop myself from doing it, and ended up throwing up everywhere. I really wish I would have died that day. Because after moving I just ended up making their lives and my life worse, and I lost them. That realization is why I almost hung myself a week ago, but SI was very strong and it was impulsive. Now I don't even know what I'm living for

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

a few times. once in 2012, again in 2013 and in 2015 and again in 2018 and again in 2019

first was walking into traffic, second was overdose, third was severe self mutilation, then there was slashing wrists in bath method and the last was forgetting the bathtub and slicing all the way through my arm from my wrist since i learned it's not like the movies. i missed everything vital and it healed too fast. haha. i guess there's also those times i've tried to slash my own throat open but didn't have strong enough wil and SI took over.
i'm such a fucking loser.

 

[ClaudeCTTE]

I only remember 5 attempts.
The first two were impulsive, and I didn't even know how to do it properly.
The last three were planned because I even left a note. The bad thing here was that my SI kicked in.

1st attempt - October 2019
2nd attempt - November 2021
3rd attempt - September 11, 2023
4th attempt - October 30, 2023
5th attempt - December 7, 2023.​

 

[LunarLight]

Tried to hang myself/slit my wrists, but they were half-assed attempts so they don't count. I actually never put my life in danger, so 0. But next time I attempt suicide, I'll make sure I die.

 

[Softwind]

I had 2-3 attempts. First was an unplanned and rushed overdose. The second/third time were by tourniquet, but I'm not even sure if it really counts cause I wasn't doing it correctly.

 

[Anon1337]

Never. I'd only ever attempt to ctb if I was sure I was going to die.

 

[1MiserableGuy]

I've been curious about this for a while. Feel free to comment your experiences.

I did a number of times in 2020-2021 with little to no ctb education. Haven't since.

 

[Idkwhattoputhere0]

2 Serious attempts
And many more attempts I knew wouldn't work befor I did it.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

One time seriously, but somebody showed up with their dog. I've been to that spot in the wilderness countless times and never seen anyone, and that day. I don't think it was a sign for me to stay, nothing like that, it just happened.