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How many serious attempts have you made & method?
Thread starterhmnow
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I haven't properly as after all I'm so cruelly denied the option to just peacefully cease existing and never suffer in this terrible, torturous existence ever again, it's just so horrific to me how trying to cease existing can go wrong and lead to way worse torture and suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel.
All I want is to peacefully cease existing, I just want to be free from the terrible, cruel mistake of existence, I see so much terrible cruelty in how we exist in this horrific world where the suffering and torture of existing is seen as to force and prolong no matter what, making peaceful death inaccessible is criminal to me.
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(UN)COMMON SENSE, UNIQUE username, violetforever and 1 other person
None actually, I've often tried to choke myself on a whim, and I've put my head into a plastic bag sometimes, but of course it didn't work lol. No plan, just impulse.
i havent and i feel like a joke for it. most recently i only practiced partial hanging if you can even call it that. i did tie the rope to a closet bracket but i didnt choke myself so hard because i cant find the right place on my neck to do it. not even sure if hanging is my method anymore.
only 2: Jumped in front of a train 8 years ago. Was hospitalized for 2 months and walked away mostly okay, with a few scars.
Tried FSH in a forest 3 months ago. I didn't do any research on it and made a lot of mistakes, I thought that if I put 80% of my body's pressure on my neck I'll pass out or get close and it'll be faster once I fully suspend. Turns out that only cuts bloodflow to jugulars making your head feel like it'd explode.
I spent like 45 minutes trying to do it, and for some reason I was afraid to fully kick the stool underneath, mostly since there was a branch below me that I could still access with my feet. In my mind I imagined myself kicking the stool and then SI kicking in and touching this branch, and getting myself stuck in an inescapable position possibly dying in hours. Then I gave up and went home.
Now if I were to try again I'd do the exit bag mostly since everything needed is readily available on the internet. If I had access to SN I'd definitely do that instead.
only 2: Jumped in front of a train 8 years ago. Was hospitalized for 2 months and walked away mostly okay, with a few scars.
Tried FSH in a forest 3 months ago. I didn't do any research on it and made a lot of mistakes, I thought that if I put 80% of my body's pressure on my neck I'll pass out or get close and it'll be faster once I fully suspend. Turns out that only cuts bloodflow to jugulars making your head feel like it'd explode.
I spent like 45 minutes trying to do it, and for some reason I was afraid to fully kick the stool underneath, mostly since there was a branch below me that I could still access with my feet. In my mind I imagined myself kicking the stool and then SI kicking in and touching this branch, and getting myself stuck in an inescapable position possibly dying in hours. Then I gave up and went home.
Now if I were to try again I'd do the exit bag mostly since everything needed is readily available on the internet. If I had access to SN I'd definitely do that instead.
I was young and impulsive and dumb and jumped in front of a subway train. I remember seeing the lights of the train hitting the end of the tunnel and jumping and running towards it. I didn't put my neck on the train line or something like that. I still came very close to death by blood loss, broke a couple of bones and cracked a lot of bones, had my flesh displaced under my armpit and on my head but overall I came away surprisingly without much permanent damage. Doctors put together my skin , washed it and sewed it back up. I have a couple of scar lines here and there on my stomach, forearm, armpit and head. After 5 weeks I was able to walk again, after 2 months I got discharged straight into a psychiatric hospital. I was able to finagle my way out of the psychiatric hospital in around 11 days.
The one thing I worry about is that there's some scar tissue formed in my brain. Neurologists said it shouldn't cause any issues but I do feel slightly cognitively impaired. It is subtle though, not a big issue.
What is considered serious? Is it the intent to die or the likelihood of success?
If its the latter, only one. I cut my radial artery vertically 8 years ago this month. Came very close. Final stage of haemorrhagic shock. My timing was just slightly off and unfortunately I was found in time. The aftermath and recovery was miserable. Still have chronic pain from it.
If the former, I genuinely have lost count. Overdosing repeatedly on my antidepressants, antipsychotics and OTC drugs like paracetamol, before I knew how unsuccessful that methods is. One time with the last drug my liver did shut down so I had to stay on a NAC infusion for over a week. Though miserable, I wasn't at any risk of actually dying. Standing on ledges, overpasses and train platforms planning to jump but finding myself unable to go through with it (mostly because I feel terrible about the trauma it will inflict on others). Half-hearted attempts at psh, fsh and strangulation.
The first time my mum told me we would be moving to a cottage next year and that I could live on her property forever. I broke down in tears as I was at the bus stop going to the railway and I just sobbed as the train passed. I felt terrible and weak.
The second time I laid on the rails drunk and started to fear nothingness after death so I stood up and again, sobbed while the train passed.
Only two, both were extremely poorly planned, so I'm not sure if I'd consider them ample attempts, but one did land me in the hospital. I tried using a helium exit bag and then the other was an OD with alcohol.
I've had four attempts my whole life. My first was in the seventh grade. During seventh period, I snuck in a bunch of pills to the locker room bathroom and took all of them. Nothing happened. Second was in the eighth grade this time. I went to the bathroom of the dead mall near my house instead of going to school with pills I took from my mum's medicine cabinet and tried to overdose again. Failure. Then my third was later during that school year. I had yet ANOTHER overdose attempt, this time in the safety of my home instead of random ass bathrooms. Failed yet again. Then the fourth was the following day of that third house attempt, my dumbass actually drank body wash and mouthwash in an attempt to poison myself. Got severe nausea and violently hurled the whole day through. Two attempts back to back, I was genuinely trying to get myself OUT at all costs during eighth. Middle school surely was a time for me.
Really just one serious attempt, I tried to die of heatstroke. I don't know how reliable it is but I essentially just put myself in a hot vehicle with the intention of staying in it for 1-2 hours. I nearly fainted at 30 mins in but then someone opened the car door :/
I guess by your standard its not an attempt but its really the instance that lead me to fully embrace hanging.
I was in my room reading from suicide project when i decided ti rehearse. I hung and paid close attention to the process as much as I could while hypoxic. I felt my body get heavier as my eyes became static and my breath far away. Before I knew it I could smell metal, and then all was black and while there I even got some faint dark imagery in the blackness. When I stood up I was heavy and tired like I ran a marathon and for two days my head hurt.
i don't think i could count how many times i've tried to end it with full intention of ctb. partial hanging, sh, od on paracetamol and other random pills. couldn't do it with partial hanging, cus i was overwhelmed with fear and panic at the last minute lol. i was hospitalised a few times when i tried od-ing on paracetamol with the drs saying i came very close to death and if i wasn't found/receiving medical help at that moment, i wouldn't be here. but tbh idk how true that was, it felt like they were exaggerating to my parents :')
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