How many of you wish you had ctb’ed at an earlier age?

[k3v3r]

my first suicide attempt was at 12, i wish i succeeded

 

[Midnight]

Graph

Man that graph really hits home for me ... It's almost a graph of my life except it's missing the 1% line at the 30-40.

 

[tomz323]

I mean not really, would have probably failed if I had of tried earlier in life. Wanted to try and live a little, see if I could get some enjoyment out of things, become normal. So far I haven't succeeded.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Man that graph really hits home for me ... It's almost a graph of my life except it's missing the 1% line at the 30-40.

Glad to hear it, I considered not making it after struggling with how to make it using a free online program called "Create a Graph" but I just figured seeing it visually rather than just reading it would be so much more relateable.

 

[GreyMagic]

29 years old now and wished had killed self when I was like 12. Yay..

 

[JohnUK]

Yes by about 5 to 10 years earlier. 32 now

 

[ExhaustedPigeon]

Im 32 but wished i done it at 16 when i knew my life was over. 16 years later i knew i was right at 16.

My situation is the exact same. Everything has become much, much worse for me since then. I can't stop beating myself up about not making an attempt on my life at 16.

I'm sorry you've suffered so much for this long as well... Hugs for you

 

[headinghome]

no reason then and wouldn't want this now except for unforeseen physical
issues....

 

[JadedGray]

I wish I had when I was nine. That's when I became full of existential dread and had a premonition that life would only get worse once I became double digits in age... I was right. I wish I had the courage then to jump when I had the chance instead of still carrying this dead weight in my 20s.

 

[Marz]

I wish I had succeeded when I first attempted at 13. I was a foolish kid and used an unreliable method. If I had prepared better I wouldn't be here now.
The cruelest thing is how life after that hasn't gotten really any better. It's sad, honestly.

 

[Ashpac]

My situation is the exact same. Everything has become much, much worse for me since then. I can't stop beating myself up about not making an attempt on my life at 16.

I'm sorry you've suffered so much for this long as well... Hugs for you

Thanks, means alot. I am sorry for your situation too even if i dont know much about it. The only good thing I tell myself I know my happiness will come one day soon (taking my life) I keep giving life a chance and now im sick of it. I have one more surgery left, ill see how that goes and if i get infections. If i do, that will be the last straw.

 

[ExhaustedPigeon]

Thanks, means alot. I am sorry for your situation too even if i dont know much about it. The only good thing I tell myself I know my happiness will come one day soon (taking my life) I keep giving life a chance and now im sick of it. I have one more surgery left, ill see how that goes and if i get infections. If i do, that will be the last straw.

Thank you. Oh, when do you have that surgery? I wish you the best of luck with it! I really hope there won't be any complications during or after.

 

[Mart]

Even just a month ago would have been nice for me. Things got so shitty in the past month.

 

[Lobo64]

Sometimes I regret that my first attemp to ctb at 22 years failed because not much has changed for me since then.
But on the other hand I did my motorcycle license around 31 years and I had some great moments on the bike.
I also traveled a lot mostly Europe, two times Morocco and it would annoy me not to have experienced these few little moments of pleasure.
But did these small moments of pleasure worth the bread, I had more bad times than good ones, everyone has to decide for themselves.
Now i'm 55.

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

It's not like i ever had Nembutal and chickened out so no.

 

[Broken]

I've overcome every challenge ive faced in 31 years but the last 10 months every part of my life has fallen apart and I don't know how to make it better. Noing now where I still am now I wish id ctb'd 10 months ago. hopefully I'll have the means to go over the next 1 - 2 months.

 

[spanishguy22]

I disagree. I wanted to die when I was a teenager but I didn't know shit about the future. Yes life generally sucks but it's not that bad for me, I am not in pain and my worst problem is boredom. That's definitely better than killing yourself at the first chance you get without thinking about the issue.

well i mean... you're a member here, you're kinda proving his point lol
having suicidal thoughts is not normal at all, sometime its not depression but lots of times it is

 

[Ruffian]

my first suicide attempt was at 12, i wish i succeeded

Do you mind if I ask what would make you want to so early in life?

 

[toolateforme]

Right here!!!!! The only "attempt" I have - I don't even know whether to call it an attempt and it's a bit embarrassing - when I was 12 I thought I could die simply by laying face down on my pillow until I pass out from the lack of breath and eventually die. I tried over and over again and realized it was too hard. Lol

 

[Begemont]

Oh yes.. 18 years of pointless suffering. I should've succeeded when I was 10. Though I now realise, what I attempted then was never going to work but fuck. I just wished it had worked.

 

[dandan]

It's not like i ever had Nembutal and chickened out so no.

I tried to OD with cocaine and syringe, and failed.....
Car accident..... failed....
Nitrogen Exit bag.... failed...

I got N now... and im afraid.... after drinking it I wont be back... yes its scary shit, cause I am in a shitty situation/position... where maybe ctb'ing is better for me

 

[k3v3r]

Do you mind if I ask what would make you want to so early in life?

I had been through a lot, sexual abuse got kicked out of school, lost my beloved pet. I just didn't see a point

 

[HelpPlease]

Brain dead

 

[SomebodyBroken]

15\21\25 :)
in 15 i understand what life is suck.... but.. found strength to live on
21 - I tried, left light scars (apparently I was not persistent).. anyway i try...
26 - all. stopped... last 3 years nothing new in my life... and health problems, lack of money and all that ... i cant back "normal" life...Well, the fact that he never found a person with whom it would be pleasant to live on, or at least a reason to live..

 

[ZixivaldYrxes]

When I first thought of it when I was 10 or 11. I stapled my thumb in class hoping that I'd bleed out lol, although I probably knew that I wouldn't. I was still terrified of actually dying. Played it off as an accident.
I don't think any part of my personality or perception of reality has truly improved since then. I could be wrong but I don't know, I think I had a keen view of things then and stuff is more muddled now.

 

[Spartacus00]

Now I wish my time cos I know I can leave this world knowing I had true love an nothing will ever change that

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

I think what's happening to you will become like "a phase" eventually, specially as long as you survive it. I know that because I experienced the same anguish you have experienced, except my life sucked from the beginning. Just try to imagine that, me, with no methods to kill myself, thinking about suicide for years and years (since I was 14), just waiting for the moment everything collapses. I am apathetic too, and I don't have the will to work with my mental disabilities. But my mental health does not deny me the ability to dream something interesting every day... There are things to be excited about, like technology, books, movies, music... and new friends to make.

Life is what you make of it, if you believe you can't do anything to fix it, then you can't, this is why hypnosis is a real thing. Give yourself time to think, rant all you want about it, and keep surviving day by day, you will most likely outgrow those feeling you have.

I don't know anything about your physical problems, if you think they are causing you enough suffering to justify ctb then you may be right, but you have to make sure it's something that it's going to continue causing you that suffering in the future with no way possible to fix it. If that's the case, who am I to tell you not to ctb?

Besides, why do you care so much about Earth? It's just a planet. And animals don't really get to live good lives (at least the ones who are supposed to be living good ones), only our standards of "what a good life it supposed to be for an animal". If I was an animal I would ask to be euthanized, they don't even get to have rational thoughts. I am just sorry for them.

Could you be any more pro life? Jeez

 

[HelpPlease]

Yes

 

[KnightOfEnceladus]

8. No, that's not a typo: third grade. I'm 33 now, will be 34 in mid July if I haven't caught the bus by then, and things just kept getting worse.

 

[Dartz]

Should've gone at 16, spent 6 years regretting it