No, I don't have one, AND I'm not even seeking it. That's why I deserve all this mental torment.
I have a disgusting luxury of being able to literally
do nothing for months. Even though I don't have any right to do so.
I'm a burden on my father, on this system, on this society.
By sheer luck I was given a large amount of money, which is an opportunity to finally start setting up my life, or at least doing something useful with it. I've never even seen so much money, let alone make it...
But instead I'm just laying around, degenerating, drinking beer, destroying my health, wasting my life's best years, horribly abusing my father's generosity, and burning off the money on basically nothing. And there ain't much left. All that, while my father works his ass off on
3 f***ing jobs, pays all bills and does everything around the house.
Glancing at my shrinking balance drives me into anxiety attacks. My mental state is so unstable that I fearfully avoid almost every damn action. Avoid talking to my father, or even looking at him...
It is kind of funny how suicide starts seeming like the adult thing to do.
Been unemployed for the last several months. I always struggled going to work. Never found something I actually liked doing.
My thought is money is a worthless made up object used for control, class structure and enslavement.
I feel like money sort of IS actually what you said, but it is also many other things.