How many of you are here because others excluded you for being ugly? (Poll)

[Galam]

Hi there, if you are interested you can give a vote. Maybe my english is bad, sorry for that.

I am here (have suicidal thoughts since age 10) because other people don't want to connect with me. They don't want to give me opportunities. Not all said why but their reactions and few rude people always make it obvious, it is my face, hair, head. They see me as ugly 99%.

Other reasons are low IQ/none or unproductive skills and poverty. I suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrom and have other issues. For normal people my eyes and forehead are to big, my hair damaged. I was diagnosed with androgenetic Alopezia and sebborroic Dermatitis.
I also suffer from bad body odor.

It is unlikely that I find ever any partner. Maybe I become homeless and other fitter people (mostly men) attack me then before I could reach a place where a possible companion lives.

Not long ago was attacked by policemen, they put me injured into asylum and male and female mental health workers in asylum and some patients bullied me ther too.

I get no compensation for anything bad that happened in my life, towards me. Nobody in my life showed empathy, maybe few pity but this is not the same. I have also no health care because doctors don't want to help me. I am seen by middle-class people as trash and elite-class people don't see me at all, because I hide most of my lifetime in my room like some Insect. A Spider or so. I am either alone or I am abused when with other people.

I always feel when people are disgusted with me or feel strange and want that I go. I do nothing strange. In most cases their problem with me is just my face.

 

[deep-sleeper]

I got excluded for being ugly, weird, frail and emotional

Though every once in a while I had someone who had pity on me and became a friend

And my parents dislike me for being this way as well

 

[Dejected 55]

I often think I am ugly... sometimes I'm not as ugly as I think I am... but in either case, I don't think any of the years of my misery have been caused by being ugly. It's just an also-I'm-ugly thing that I have to deal with on top of everything else... and I don't think if I was conventionally handsome it would have made a bit of difference in how my life has turned out.

 

[shampoo sniffer]

I'm average looking in terms of bone structure. But I have extremely pale skin (always have) and dark rings around my eyes. I don't wear makeup so I would guess I am not conventionally attractive looking for a female.

 

[nool]

I've always known I'm ugly. I've always known I will forever be ugly. I isolate myself so nobody has to look at me, which leads to loneliness, which then feeds into my suicidal thoughts. It isn't my biggest reason for wanting to ctb, but it does play a part.

 

[Dejected 55]

I'm average looking in terms of bone structure. But I have extremely pale skin (always have) and dark rings around my eyes. I don't wear makeup so I would guess I am not conventionally attractive looking for a female.

Sometimes extremes really work, but can be intimidating to others. I happen to like pale skin... at the same time, there was that dark-skinned model a while back who was so black its almost like she disappeared on the other end of the spectrum. She was gorgeous but initially had been discriminated against by modeling agencies until someone realized she was a gold mine with her unique look and beauty.

 

[autisticmessiah]

My looks are somewhere around average but my autism alone is too much for most people. There was this one guy in high school who didn't know at first I was autistic and was making small talk here and there seemingly in an attempt to befriend me but it didn't last long at all. It was probably a combination of me coming off as awkward and autistic and other people telling him about me which made him quickly switch to what everyone else did by ignoring and saying nothing to me and on the rare occasion they say anything it's done condescendingly like I'm a child. Learning what the word condescending meant at 8 or so was quite the revelation for me because I finally had a word which describes how everyone treats me. I wasn't straight up bullied much but my situation still isn't very good.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well when i was a kid used to get bullied for my looks 4 years in a row and kids would use me as a joke to date back in elementary.

Ofc ik i was a kid but i still feelnsome effects to this day. I not the pretiest but im just avarage looking to say the least.

I hate sometimes how I look.
Idk if this counts

 

[deadzombie6]

I think for me being ugly is my main problem . I have trouble getting into relationships and friendships all because of my looks , at this point i don't even want to look beautiful i wish i looked normal atleast

 

[Wolf Girl]

I had successfully forgotten about my ugliness for a bit because I only take selfies of my pretty face. It's my body that is the problem. I'm fat, but that's not the main issue at all. Even when I was thin, my body was still awful and disgusting. I hate seeing videos of me where you can see my weird and hideous shape. The only plastic surgery that could help is extremely dangerous and could lead to me being disabled and unable to ctb.

Body dissatisfaction (ugliness, hair loss and aging) are #2 on my list of reasons to ctb. #1 is still loneliness/isolation.

 

[DirtCommie]

wait arent you the persom who said you look up to valerie sonasas and audrey hale?!?

also I think Im kinda cute . Im just sure that others dont think that. MAybe its cause of my messed up teeth cause I cant afford braces.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

I was previously mistreated because of my appearance but it stopped when I had a "glow-up" of sorts, my body became conventionally attractive in my early twenties with little effort on my part, and people automatically started treating me better.

The only reason I know that it was my appearance is because my personality didn't change after the glow-up. In fact, as I've aged, I reckon my personality as actually gotten worse (in the sense that I can be quite unaccomodating and largely play by my own rules but I've always been considered an "overly-dramatic bitch" even when I was ugly) and I've fallen more and more behind my peers in terms of developmental milestones: as an example, I am 24 and have never held a paying job, aside from informal sex work in the past (obviously I could only get such work after becoming pretty), and I now live on disability which is very taboo in the "hard graft" culture in which I live. People actually smile at me, hold open doors for me, and often initiate the conversation - a far cry from everybody pre-emptively avoiding me, or approaching me with nefarious intentions, back when I was ugly.

Of course, beauty is not a silver bullet. Yes, I can now get people to become interested in me just by occupying the same space as them but the real problem is getting them to stay interested: a five minute conversation - the usual "so, where do you work?" or "what do you do in your spare time?" - quickly reveal me to be completely deranged (and this derangement has been caused, at least partially, by the horrific bullying I received in my school years due to my appearance) and makes it obvious that I am unable to hold a normal conversation. The other person quickly becomes uncomfortable and promptly leaves.

Naturally, the revelation that looks do indeed matter and people, even grown adults, are indeed shallow enough to judge people based on appearance completely shattered my meritocratic worldview and, despite receiving better treatment at-present, my now-broken worldview has worsened my mental health. Why couldn't I have just been at least average, not ugly, from the start... why did I have to go through all of that abuse only to be given beauty when I was too broken to make use of it? I don't even bother speaking to people now (to be fair, I've always been uncomfortable with using language whether spoken or written) because there is no point and it only creates conflict further down the line.

So, to answer the original question: yes but indirectly. My (literally) ugly past, and the flashbacks which bring me there, haunts me to the point where I cannot enjoy my own company nor can I enjoy the company of others. It's this crippling combination of anhedonia and loneliness which has driven me to the sombre conclusion that offing myself is truly the last card I have in my hand.

Thanks For Your Time,
CumbriaCTB