How many attempts did you have by now?

[-nobodyknows-]

I stopped counting

 

[Sgrodolo]

Depending on if you count attempts that were aborted before putting myself in a potentially deadly situation, in that case it's like 15-20 otherwise like 2-3

 

[SoulWhisperer]

Same here. You wouldn't think so given I've been locked in a Psychiatric Institutions 14 times, but I've had 0 attempts and 0 open threats. Given my lengthy psych rapsheet though, I HAVE to get it right the first time. Either that, or make damn sure no one ever knows I attempted and failed, but - I really, really, really want to get it right the first time.

The only two methods I've considered are a firearm or full suspension hanging. I unfortunately have no way of legally obtaining a firearm, but full suspension hanging I have all the materials for. I already have my rope, and am very lucky to live in a house with an iron railing over a high doorway. I haven't attempted with it yet, but I have "practiced" tightening the noose around my neck to get used to how cutting off the arteries feels. I'm planning on also using Partial as a way to up the practice, but am going with classic, stool kicked out from underneath with no bailout points hanging when the day comes.



You bring up a good point. If I had a shotgun right now, what would actually happen if I put it in my mouth and put my finger on the trigger? I wonder if I would freeze up too. Since I've never attempted, I don't know what full blown SI feels like. I still would prefer a firearm to hanging though.


I remember (I think) you saying you had a firearm right? If so - yes, you will probably be one of the 'one and done' crowd. You are very lucky! (I'm jealous lol).

I have two takeaways from this thread: 1) Choose a method with no bailout points, as terrifying as that may seem. (ie Partial, which CAN work, but that pesky SI is going to make you want to bail out no matter how much you consciously want to CTB). This also includes making sure your phone is far away from you.

2) If you're going to OD - make sure to go for a high dose of Fentanyl. Unless it's Fetty, I see next to no successful ODs.

Getting locked up 14 times must've been hellish to live through, I'm sorry... I wish you will be able to find some peace soon...

 

[dwtsleepy123]

ive tried partial hanging around 4 times but so far i havent been able to pass out and i backed out due to pain and the uncomfortable feeling of pressure in my head. also i dont think i was actually intending to ctb those times but mostly practice to see if i could via partial hanging

 

[alivefornow]

I would say hanging until your limbs grow cold and numb would be considered as a serious attempt.

How did you get caught buying SN? I'm worried about this too, since I want to order it to a residential address

Fair enough, even though I chickened out right when I felt the cold feet. I got cold feet.

I got caught because I told someone what I planned to do right when it arrived.

I just ended up setting myself up to get caught because I'm a piece of shit who's not really serious about taking my own life. Even though I really want to die and am obsessed with it. Every second hurts...

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

For a long time my earnest attempts only amounted to a handful. Did enough damage to be hospitalized but somehow survived. After last year, it's beyond count, but many of those attempts would fall into the category of trying to get one attempt to work so lots of trial and error trying to get it right. Spoiler: I didn't get it right.

 

[MxTuesday]

I tried once by jumping.
I was unprepared for :
- how my body had a fear reaction at being close to death that was so extreme I was shaking so violently I physically could not do the barrier scrambling.
- how someone in that state on a bridge gets attention and taken off the bridge by authorities v fast.
0/10 do not recommend!

 

[nasigoreng99]

I keep my fingers crossed for you to make it in one attempt. I probably had so many fails because I'm rather a coward. Anyway I hope my next attempt will be my last

I'm sorry you have tried that many attempt. I also hope your next attempt will be the last. What's your method?

 

[Hysteria]

Two attempts or so. I practically attempted Night Night and failed because I had seizures and couldn't complete the method. Theoretically, my secondary method was defenestration, but I couldn't access high enough levels of a building. So, that remained an idea. I was thinking about SWB and helium, but SWB's blackout part is easier said than done, and with helium, the setup seems complicated for someone without practical skills such as connecting multiple canisters. I feel so desperate. I might decapitate myself through a train. I may await a fast train, jump from the forest to the railway, and swiftly put my neck on the tracks.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

2 attempts where I learned what a bitch SI is

 

[soontofindpeace]

2 so far. First was putting a knife to my throat then second was carbon monoxide poisoning. m

soon I'll have my third but I'm hoping it'll be the last one. This one will be successful.

 

[FailedCSDev]

2 attempts, one in 2021 following a sudden urge, one in 2024 following cold calculations. Both failed because using a knife is a non method. When I get my next paycheck I'll maybe order some SN. I don't have a concrete plan to do it yet, but gathering the necessary ingredients may be a good idea for the future.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've attempted around 5 times (6 if you count my non-serious attempt). I attempted three times as a teenager (2 ODs, one cutting) and I've attempted several times as an adult via hanging, though since all of those attempts happened within 2 days, I just count them as 2 attempts. I'm pretty incompetent so of course all of them failed miserably.

Only one of them has ever sent me to hospital, which was my third attempt from back in high school, where I tried ODing. I took the meds early in the morning and waited for hours, hoping that they would kill me, but they didn't do shit outside of leaving me with a few uncomfortable side effects. I decided that it was a bust and that I would have to try again some other time and attempted to get ready for school, but I realized that I was likely not going to be able to do that. It took 50 minutes to an hour for me to get to school and I was having trouble even dressing myself. I ended up having to come clean and text my mom, telling her what I did. I had also tried ODing for my second attempt, using the same meds, but it wasn't enough to do anything so I ended up just going to school while feeling a bit drowsy. My first attempt, cutting, failed so badly that's pretty comical. I used a knife that mom kept on going about how sharp it was and I couldn't get it cut through my skin no matter how much pressure I put on it, lol.

My non-serious attempt happened while I was at uni, during my suspension, when I went to the washroom to hang myself. Of course, I knew I wasn't going to die but my suicidal ideation and distress was really high at that point so I gave into my impulsive urges.

 

[catthegoldrushpotat]

6 times if I counted correctly

 

[Praestat_Mori]

0

I was close to an attempt last year but I didn't light the charcoal, hence 0 attempts.

 

[Buffy]

Attempts where I thought I was guaranteed to die: four. The last one was back in June when I tried to ctb with nicotine poisoning.

I've made many non-serious attempts, but I don't keep count of them. Most of the time, nothing really happened anyway.

 

[Daxter777]

Just 1 time when i was around 17, I drank like 30 pills. Nothing happened because it was sedatives that you can buy over the counter. For some reason i thought it would work but nothing happened