How long have you been suicidal for

[ijustwishtodie]

Around when I was 10

 

[imonadeadline]

I don't really keep track, maybe 10 years? Maybe 11? I just know that one day, I suddenly had the urge to end my life.

 

[NewtBoy]

Around 10 years or so for me.

 

[jbear824]

26 years. I'm 33.

 

[isthisit?]

The though had been in the back of my mind since like 8th grade but things got real like 6 months ago.

 

[Mistiie]

I actually think I have been almost my entire life. When I was around 8 or 9, I distinctly remember having a crisis where I both wanted to die but realised that, after having heard some Christian activist on TV talking about suicide whilst I was flicking channels, if I killed myself, I would go to Hell if God was real. My mum came to comfort me but had no clue what was wrong with me other than "I don't want to go to Hell."

That's the earliest memory I have of that sort of thing but I'd hardly be surprised if I was passively suicidal from a younger age, even if it was just "I want to go to sleep because it's comfy and I don't want to wake up" because I wouldn't have really clocked what death was.

 

[F@#$]

I've wanted to die for at least 30 years. Ever since I was a kid and I don't know why. It's evolved into a hatred for the world, people, and my shitty situation but I can't explain it before becoming a down trodden adult.

 

[cemetorium]

At least 9 years.

 

[yonise4]

4-5 years im 18 now

 

[Waiting for death]

I've been feeling suicidal since 2017, things got worse when I graduated from high school.

 

[littlelungs]

About 20 years now. I'm not even old, but it feels like it's been one hell of a long life.

 

[almondmilk]

honestly i think i've been like this since forever. but realistically , i think for the past 7 years

 

[Darkover]

7 years from 2016 mainly due to a brain injury but since i was 18 so 19 years

 

[needrelief18]

Actively planning .... 8/9 months but with attempts in the past.

 

[suicidesheep31.1]

It started when I was 13yo. I am now 39.
I had a period without thinking about it between 30-35yo when I had a goal.
It was easier to get up in the morning.

 

[Sylveon]

Almost a couple of years.

 

[BackpackBones]

Probably gonna sound really edgy and existentialist, but I'd say ever since I could think I've desired to no-longer exist as I felt life and the world as a whole would be much better without me. I feel like my family could do with a much better child, and my friends a much better person.

In total, 17 years. Most people don't believe me when I tell them how young I was when it started.

I feel the same way. That's why I think having this website is nice. Not as good as dating other depressed stoners or being friends with depressed stoners, but still really good.

 

[LonelyStarrySky]

For aroud 4-5 years now

 

[tourniquetbunny]

Well over ten years now. Even when I'm not actively suicidal I know that my cause of death will be suicide. Sometimes there's things you just know. Life really isn't for me

 

[flower_g1rl]

since 2018-2019

 

[lojogoeshome]

It probably started before this but...
In 5th grade, our teacher assigned a creative writing assignment to write our own obituary (this was California in the 90s) and I immediately thought suicide in my teen years. I didn't write that of course, because I knew even then to lie- so, 30 years of always coming back to this. My kids keld it off for a long time but now that they have chosen not to interact with me, (I don't blame them) I'm done.

 

[needrelief18]

It probably started before this but...
In 5th grade, our teacher assigned a creative writing assignment to write our own obituary (this was California in the 90s) and I immediately thought suicide in my teen years. I didn't write that of course, because I knew even then to lie- so, 30 years of always coming back to this. My kids keld it off for a long time but now that they have chosen not to interact with me, (I don't blame them) I'm done.

My child barely interacts with me. I am trying to find courage to finish the job.

 

[Archness]

I guess at the start of last before last-year was when I'd reliably say outright that I could consider suicide. So, I can say I was only "serious" about it for... God, almost 2 years now.

Though on the other hand, I did distinctly feel a gentle "wish to die" somewhat in middle-school. I just simply didn't see anything in my life at all. At that time it was quite minor and I could ignore it with the help of all kinds of distractions. Although once when I was feeling depressed, I mentioned to someone I wanted to jump of a bridge and die, they just laughed it up /w me, the funni autist, saying it (holy shit that could've been a major slip-up).

While I've always felt there wasn't much to life, since early childhood. I simply couldn't care or thought of it under a vague optimistic light. But now, the nature and inevitability of what my life will be is setting in.

"seriously" for 2 years...
"Subtly" for about 4-5.3 years.

 

[lojogoeshome]

My child barely interacts with me. I am trying to find courage to finish the job.

I don't wish this pain on anyone. I'm so sorry that you feel it too.

 

[kunikuzushi]

Around 14 years, but the past 3-4 years have been the worst and when I've actually planned things out

 

[BlockHammer]

It start in 2021, and this feeling grows thanks for a certain condition in my life