How long have you been feeling suicidal for?

[Cauliflour]

I don't even know tbh. I've been passively suicidal for so long that I can't pinpoint a specific age where it manifested. All I can pinpoint is when I started cutting/upped the severity of said cutting but I never started with the intention that I wanted to die, so maybe since I was 14? I started getting pretty morbid thoughts around then, maybe that's when the suicide creeped in. Honestly I don't know though.

 

[dearn]

IVe been a bit depressed since my 7, after my father death. But suicidal during middle school when my sister started to be physically violent/lock me outside naked while I was bullied at school. So I would say 7yo

 

[dondada123456]

going on 9 years

 

[wastedenergy]

Nearly 14 years

 

[thedevillily]

I think the first time I can remember feeling like this, I was a little kid, maybe 9 years old. It's always been an on and off kind of thing until the past month or so. It's much more intense, and instead of kind of flinching internally when I think about it, now the idea of being gone just sounds really nice. Even being in the ground, or just in a cold dark place, sounds like I just want to curl up there.

 

[mac_se]

10-15 years, starting in my early teens

 

[citrusfruit]

9 years

 

[Vivissa]

almost 10 years

 

[jumpingoffpoint]

for me it kinda got worse over time. but for others it can be different.

Yep this is the same for me too - just got worse no matter what I threw at making my life better, and I threw a lot. Hope things get better for you, regardless :)

 

[tomame]

since 13. im 31 now

 

[MephiticShadow]

30 years

 

[Makethemsuffer]

First time I reckon being suicidal was at the age of 10

 

[Kabalite]

Many years. In the past I always longed for death in an abstract, romanticized sense I suppose. More recently I've been looking at it in a more practical way. I'm tired of fighting. Tired of having things in my hands that I want and then letting them slip away. I'm tired of hurting others and failing at everything. I'm tired of living. Ever since I was a child I felt this way, experienced these things in one way or another. Death comes no matter what. It's just a matter of whether it comes naturally or by my own hand, provided things get bad enough in my life. They're teetering on the edge now. We'll see. It could go either way.