Is it easy for you to accept that you have to wait at the bus stop?

[Off_Switch]

Have you always wanted to CTB for as long as you can remember?

Are you someone that has trouble coming to terms with, or perhaps even in denial of, becoming a person that wants to CTB? After hearing about CTBers and the concept of CTBing your entire life and thinking you'd never be one?

Are you ok with being someone destined to CTB or do you feel disappointed and/or unlucky?

 

[dragonofenvy]

Extremely disappointed and powerless. I've wanted to die since age 8, and I'm getting closer to 26. This is my one life, and I feel so cheated. I suffered so much and for what? Why do other people get to live happy lives and mine's been constant pain? Why is it when others put forth effort they're rewarded, but when I try to better myself it feels like I'm putting in 5x the effort for 5% of the reward?

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Wouldn't say I was suicidal as a child/teen. Just quiet and aware of this hell realm even though lacking life experience. Was diagnosed with depression at 23. At 30 however I started getting very serious thoughts of dying. Earlier this year when I was 42 nearly 43 I made the decision that I want out/have a plan in place. This backs up the on/off ideation, depression diagnosis and the reality I have been in hell for over 4 decades.

 

[bae]

1. I've always wanted to CTB, since I was 11. I've been in denial of it for a very long time. I know that I convinced myself at some point that I wasn't going to do it, but... I subconsciously think of sui with every choice that I make. I don't know, it seeps into my everyday life. I cannot recall my childhood-self but no doubt that I wanted to CTB back then too

2. I didn't think I'd ever end up in some sort of mental hospital, that's all. I knew I'd pass away somehow, but I didn't think this would be the way. It feels very... straightforward. Relaxing to know I won't pass by accident atleast, in some unwanted, gruesome scene. That would be even worse than having no say in the way I'd pass at all. I just choose to view it (the way I'm going out) as destiny.

3. I've always felt like I was meant to die, that I was no good for nothing. So, no. I view this as a positive. I'm tired of this shit. Atleast I get to leave this hell on Earth. My mindest is like... 'For now? Do whatever the fuck you want. Take care of the essentials. You'll be leaving soon.'

 

[Off_Switch]

Relaxing to know I won't pass by accident atleast, in some unwanted, gruesome scene.

I am starting to use this mentality to help myself get over the SI barrier as well. I have been telling myself that I can either dig deep for the willpower to get it done, or risk dying by a much more horrific and insufferable way that is beyond my control.

Extremely disappointed and powerless. I've wanted to die since age 8, and I'm getting closer to 26. This is my one life, and I feel so cheated. I suffered so much and for what? Why do other people get to live happy lives and mine's been constant pain? Why is it when others put forth effort they're rewarded, but when I try to better myself it feels like I'm putting in 5x the effort for 5% of the reward?

It doesn't help that you have to live the prime of your life during a time period like this. I've been alive for almost a half century and can honestly say that this past half decade has been the worst time to be alive. At least in my lifetime.

 

[abstractcat7]

Extremely disappointed and powerless. I've wanted to die since age 8, and I'm getting closer to 26. This is my one life, and I feel so cheated. I suffered so much and for what? Why do other people get to live happy lives and mine's been constant pain? Why is it when others put forth effort they're rewarded, but when I try to better myself it feels like I'm putting in 5x the effort for 5% of the reward?

Ditto this, basically exactly.

I am starting to use this mentality to help myself get over the SI barrier as well. I have been telling myself that I can either dig deep for the willpower to get it done, or risk dying by a much more horrific and insufferable way that is beyond my control.

Ditto this as well...