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Well it was an impulsive decision at that time.
Hey Mick. Surviving that and not knowing what happened between the overdose and waking up a week later sounds frightening.
Were you alone when you attempted that and did you wake up alone too? or were you found by someone? Must've been disappointing to finally think you're free, pass out, only to wake back up again. That's kind of how I feel every morning.
In my case I absolutely hate existing here but unfortunately if one doesn't find a way to ctb then they basically have no choice but to carry on staying here. I don't have any plans to attempt in the near future but I know that I cannot exist for potentially decades longer, the thought of that is unbearable to me so eventually I will have to find a way. I hate how it's not easier for us to leave and how it requires so much planning and courage.
My understanding is that they have low wire fencing up which chaplains and police are not allowed to step over, so there is that gap between them and I, though its just that anxiety to get over as you mentioned.
Oh, I so wish it was easier. It's just torture that we're led to this place (the mental and emotional state I mean). Are you able to live well enough while you're living? Work, be independent etc? I know depression can be debilitating sometimes, I've experienced it too, when I couldn't even leave the house
That's interesting to know. I haven't looked at beachy head for a while so I didn't know there was a fence and rule like that. I guess even they need to stay safe near the cliff edge so they don't harm themselves in the process. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you experience peace either way
What you said is so relatable. Guilty and fear is overwhelming at the best of times. I wish I didn't have family who loves me as much as they do. If I was truly alone in this world it would be a hell of a lot easier, at least I assume so. I think going peacefully is the dream. I wish I could go by carbon monoxide poisoning and simply just fall asleep - I did buy everything I needed for it but the set up is a little more tedious which put me off. My failsafe is hanging. Obviously not the most favoured but hey, it's the most common method for a reason.. it works, when it wants to work anyway. I've backed out many times already.
I've been pretty seriously considering the CO method, myself. I haven't got the supplies yet, but I do have a very small car I could use. I think I still need to research a bit more though. I'd want to find a good spot to park, somewhere peaceful that isn't around people. Just haven't found the right spot yet.
I could never say that I've ever really "lived well", I've just never been meant for existing and I see it as being a curse having the ability to exist, but anyway the only relief could ever lie in the fact that someday it will have to end. No matter what happens, each day is one day closer to death.
I did, it took me about an hour to walk there, because I don't have a car.
Yes, there's some definite risks with it so survival would be pretty horrible but that's why it needs to be more diligently planned to avoid anything going wrong. I wish I had the courage to set it up. I don't have a car or a tent so if I gave it a go it would have to be in my home. And while I wouldn't have any issues taping up ventilation, I would feel anxious/nervous/all the above about how and where I would light the coals, and then having to carry it upstairs to my bedroom or bathroom. Maybe it sounds like too much work in my head when it really isn't. I guess I would have less of an issue at a camping site because that's a place where you light coals for bbqs etc and brining it inside a tent is far less troublesome than carrying a bucket, tray or pan of hot coals up the stairs..
Sometimes I feel this way too. Defeated and pointless because ctb is too difficult to achieve. I don't want to give up though. The longer I stay alive just adds to my misery
Yes, me too. Every hanging attempt I backed out from, even the ones where I felt like unconscious could set in. SI is a bitch
