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stoopid

stoopid

from hell
Feb 27, 2023
183
I think November last year, I tried a overdose

15 x 30mg mirtazipin
10 x 200mg tramadol
5 x amytriptalin
1 Liter Rum

I just slept for like 20 hours and had a awfull migraine lol
 
ermurazor

ermurazor

Witch Queen
Mar 5, 2023
19
At least, hopefully, you didn't have any long lasting damage from that.. but as you say if it wasn't planned properly then it's not surprising it didn't work, although I'm sure just as still disappointing for you
Well it was an impulsive decision at that time.
Im not really disappointed now, sure i was when i woke up. Ngl if there was an easy exit i would be gone asap. But i had to accept that it wasnt my time to leave and im kinda ok with it for now.
 
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Mr. Incapable

Mr. Incapable

Also inadequate, incompetent, weak & powerless
Jun 21, 2022
175
September 6th 2022 for me with two prior attempts. It was an overdose on Zoplicone, Propranolol and Sertraline at a hotel, I think it was poor preparation as I woke up in hospital a week later with the only part i can fully remember being the steak i had before the OD.

Beachy Head (UK) is my next attempt in the coming weeks, hopefully I can do it right this time to finally rid this depression, anxiety and hopelessness once and for all!

Mick
Hey Mick. Surviving that and not knowing what happened between the overdose and waking up a week later sounds frightening.

I've considered Beachy Head before but I feel like going alone, and as anxious as I can get in public, will just set off alarm bells for the chaplains and I'd be watched like a hawk - at least that's how I imagine it would be. Also I'm sorry you feel so bad you want to end your life, even though that's what's bought us all here, I still pity us all..
 
CantWait2D1E

CantWait2D1E

Archaon, Herald of the Apocalypse
Dec 24, 2022
146
Too long.
 
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Mr. Incapable

Mr. Incapable

Also inadequate, incompetent, weak & powerless
Jun 21, 2022
175
I think November last year, I tried a overdose

15 x 30mg mirtazipin
10 x 200mg tramadol
5 x amytriptalin
1 Liter Rum

I just slept for like 20 hours and had a awfull migraine lol
Were you alone when you attempted that and did you wake up alone too? or were you found by someone? Must've been disappointing to finally think you're free, pass out, only to wake back up again. That's kind of how I feel every morning.
 
stoopid

stoopid

from hell
Feb 27, 2023
183
Were you alone when you attempted that and did you wake up alone too? or were you found by someone? Must've been disappointing to finally think you're free, pass out, only to wake back up again. That's kind of how I feel every morning.

I was completely alone, yeah it was pretty sad. Too bad I used all my tramadol for that, it helped me going through the day.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,492
Do you think you'll ever attempt or just the thought of knowing you could attempt settles you enough to carry on living?
In my case I absolutely hate existing here but unfortunately if one doesn't find a way to ctb then they basically have no choice but to carry on staying here. I don't have any plans to attempt in the near future but I know that I cannot exist for potentially decades longer, the thought of that is unbearable to me so eventually I will have to find a way. I hate how it's not easier for us to leave and how it requires so much planning and courage.
 
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M

Mickdom

New Member
Mar 4, 2023
4
Hey Mick. Surviving that and not knowing what happened between the overdose and waking up a week later sounds frightening.

I've considered Beachy Head before but I feel like going alone, and as anxious as I can get in public, will just set off alarm bells for the chaplains and I'd be watched like a hawk - at least that's how I imagine it would be. Also I'm sorry you feel so bad you want to end your life, even though that's what's bought us all here, I still pity us all..
My understanding is that they have low wire fencing up which chaplains and police are not allowed to step over, so there is that gap between them and I, though its just that anxiety to get over as you mentioned.

Mick
 
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HopelessAngel

HopelessAngel

Just Gotta Let Go...
Mar 2, 2023
61
What's happened between February 2018 and now that's kept you going, if it's ok to ask?

Fear and guilt, mostly. There was a little bit of hope too but I'll be honest that's all been gone for a while now. There are a few people who I deeply care about and I worry how my death would affect them, though admittedly that alone I don't think is enough to keep me here. Not sure what that says about me.

I'm afraid of failing again, and also I just have a general fear of dying. Which is strange, because I definitely don't want to be here anymore, at all, I've made up my mind on that, but that survival instinct is just really strong still. There's been a few times since where I've been really close, like, gun in my mouth close, but I just couldn't overcome that fear.

I've realized I want to go peacefully. I want to be calm and relaxed in my final moments, not overcome with fear and emotion. So for now I'm just waiting for the right moment with the right method, and that hasn't come yet.
 
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Mr. Incapable

Mr. Incapable

Also inadequate, incompetent, weak & powerless
Jun 21, 2022
175
In my case I absolutely hate existing here but unfortunately if one doesn't find a way to ctb then they basically have no choice but to carry on staying here. I don't have any plans to attempt in the near future but I know that I cannot exist for potentially decades longer, the thought of that is unbearable to me so eventually I will have to find a way. I hate how it's not easier for us to leave and how it requires so much planning and courage.
Oh, I so wish it was easier. It's just torture that we're led to this place (the mental and emotional state I mean). Are you able to live well enough while you're living? Work, be independent etc? I know depression can be debilitating sometimes, I've experienced it too, when I couldn't even leave the house
My understanding is that they have low wire fencing up which chaplains and police are not allowed to step over, so there is that gap between them and I, though its just that anxiety to get over as you mentioned.

Mick
That's interesting to know. I haven't looked at beachy head for a while so I didn't know there was a fence and rule like that. I guess even they need to stay safe near the cliff edge so they don't harm themselves in the process. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you experience peace either way
Fear and guilt, mostly. There was a little bit of hope too but I'll be honest that's all been gone for a while now. There are a few people who I deeply care about and I worry how my death would affect them, though admittedly that alone I don't think is enough to keep me here. Not sure what that says about me.

I'm afraid of failing again, and also I just have a general fear of dying. Which is strange, because I definitely don't want to be here anymore, at all, I've made up my mind on that, but that survival instinct is just really strong still. There's been a few times since where I've been really close, like, gun in my mouth close, but I just couldn't overcome that fear.

I've realized I want to go peacefully. I want to be calm and relaxed in my final moments, not overcome with fear and emotion. So for now I'm just waiting for the right moment with the right method, and that hasn't come yet.
What you said is so relatable. Guilty and fear is overwhelming at the best of times. I wish I didn't have family who loves me as much as they do. If I was truly alone in this world it would be a hell of a lot easier, at least I assume so. I think going peacefully is the dream. I wish I could go by carbon monoxide poisoning and simply just fall asleep - I did buy everything I needed for it but the set up is a little more tedious which put me off. My failsafe is hanging. Obviously not the most favoured but hey, it's the most common method for a reason.. it works, when it wants to work anyway. I've backed out many times already.
 
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G

ghostgoth

Member
Jan 24, 2023
6
January 2019, I want to make another attempt so bad, but I don't have the resources to make it successful. I want to overdose on what I can find tonight mixed with a bunch of alcohol. Though it might not kill me, there's still more of a chance then doing nothing and struggling.
 
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HopelessAngel

HopelessAngel

Just Gotta Let Go...
Mar 2, 2023
61
What you said is so relatable. Guilty and fear is overwhelming at the best of times. I wish I didn't have family who loves me as much as they do. If I was truly alone in this world it would be a hell of a lot easier, at least I assume so. I think going peacefully is the dream. I wish I could go by carbon monoxide poisoning and simply just fall asleep - I did buy everything I needed for it but the set up is a little more tedious which put me off. My failsafe is hanging. Obviously not the most favoured but hey, it's the most common method for a reason.. it works, when it wants to work anyway. I've backed out many times already.
I've been pretty seriously considering the CO method, myself. I haven't got the supplies yet, but I do have a very small car I could use. I think I still need to research a bit more though. I'd want to find a good spot to park, somewhere peaceful that isn't around people. Just haven't found the right spot yet.

My concern would be being found before I was dead or that the CO would escape my car. With this method, a failed attempt could be really bad. That said, I think it's still at the top of my list, I just want to be extra careful about it.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
42,492
Are you able to live well enough while you're living?
I could never say that I've ever really "lived well", I've just never been meant for existing and I see it as being a curse having the ability to exist, but anyway the only relief could ever lie in the fact that someday it will have to end. No matter what happens, each day is one day closer to death.
 
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SilentSadness

SilentSadness

Sleepy.
Feb 28, 2023
1,367
I haven't caused any suicide-level harm to myself, as I've said before I've failed my attempts to attempt. I really do wish that something could just kill me so I don't have to get blood on my hands. Unfortunately it's so hard to ctb in this world that for now I think it's pointless to even try.
 
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GRIM_DEADMAN

GRIM_DEADMAN

Dead Man Walking
Feb 14, 2023
52
I've considered jumping from a bridge too but unfortunately there's nothing like that local to me and I'd have to travel a ways out to find somewhere suitable?

Did you make it to the bridge before you backed out?
I did, it took me about an hour to walk there, because I don't have a car.
 
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M

missingpeace

Arcanist
Feb 4, 2023
431
No full attempt as yet but tried hanging a couple of times, SI kicked in and I stood up before I could pass out.
 
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C

CannotAnymore

Student
Apr 29, 2022
100
November of last year. Then February of 2020. Before that it had been over a decade. I feel like another attempt is on the horizon. The last attempt should have worked.. this time I'm going with something more sure.
 
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Mr. Incapable

Mr. Incapable

Also inadequate, incompetent, weak & powerless
Jun 21, 2022
175
I've been pretty seriously considering the CO method, myself. I haven't got the supplies yet, but I do have a very small car I could use. I think I still need to research a bit more though. I'd want to find a good spot to park, somewhere peaceful that isn't around people. Just haven't found the right spot yet.

My concern would be being found before I was dead or that the CO would escape my car. With this method, a failed attempt could be really bad. That said, I think it's still at the top of my list, I just want to be extra careful about it.
Yes, there's some definite risks with it so survival would be pretty horrible but that's why it needs to be more diligently planned to avoid anything going wrong. I wish I had the courage to set it up. I don't have a car or a tent so if I gave it a go it would have to be in my home. And while I wouldn't have any issues taping up ventilation, I would feel anxious/nervous/all the above about how and where I would light the coals, and then having to carry it upstairs to my bedroom or bathroom. Maybe it sounds like too much work in my head when it really isn't. I guess I would have less of an issue at a camping site because that's a place where you light coals for bbqs etc and brining it inside a tent is far less troublesome than carrying a bucket, tray or pan of hot coals up the stairs..
I haven't caused any suicide-level harm to myself, as I've said before I've failed my attempts to attempt. I really do wish that something could just kill me so I don't have to get blood on my hands. Unfortunately it's so hard to ctb in this world that for now I think it's pointless to even try.
Sometimes I feel this way too. Defeated and pointless because ctb is too difficult to achieve. I don't want to give up though. The longer I stay alive just adds to my misery
No full attempt as yet but tried hanging a couple of times, SI kicked in and I stood up before I could pass out.
Yes, me too. Every hanging attempt I backed out from, even the ones where I felt like unconscious could set in. SI is a bitch
 
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IJustWantToTalk

IJustWantToTalk

That one bi kid in the friend group
Mar 3, 2023
17
I have "attempted" 3 times. Only the first time did I actually have the courage to go through with it, but I just had severe pain and was saved.

The last time I just went to do it was about 3 AM yesterday but I couldn't psych myself up enough for it and just went home.
 
imcadt99

imcadt99

Member
Feb 23, 2023
50
Almost 3.5 years now. Honestly it was a half-hearted attempt that I deeply regret only because it threw a wrench into my academic progress and the stigmatization resulting from a hospitalization only cemented my alienation and drove me into a deeper depression.

I don't deny that my feelings were real at the time, but I regret its consequences and my half hearted action. Namely delaying my academic progress. Things have gotten so much worse in those 3.5 years.

I honestly wonder how much better my life would be if I was never hospitalized. People like to pretend the consequences of hospitalization are trivial, but the social and "criminal" ostracization is real. Not to mention the financial consequences if you don't have a support net. There will be no more cries for help, no more half-hearted attempts. Society has shown me what it will "provide" to those struggling and whom openly admit to ideation. I am ready.
 
Fwompje

Fwompje

life is cruel and time heals nothing
Feb 23, 2023
190
Mine was a few months ago. I don't remember exactly, I have gotten bad with time. Definitely happy I found this site because my previous method had no way of succeeding. It was embarrassing.

Now I know that when the time is right I won't have to worry about it too much. Brings me a lot of comfort and keeps me going for a while longer.
 
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iDieUDie80

iDieUDie80

Arcanist
Jul 6, 2020
403
A week ago I think.
 
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palesky

palesky

Member
Apr 12, 2023
28
yesterday

feeling hopeless because i overestimated myself and cant find any suitable/accessorible methods for myself
 
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W

wiltingorchid

Student
Apr 16, 2023
136
Two months.
I can remember crying, then taking my overdose and falling asleep listening to my favourite music. I felt at ease, I thought that the suffering would end. But it didn't. I have to continue to be in horrible pain. Which obviously makes me wanna die more.
 
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