I feel somewhat guilty that I am at the point of considering to CTB despite having a few decent close friends. But even though I have that, it does nothing for my sense of loneliness. I've spent 10 of the last 14 years of my life in relationships and 6 of those living with a partner. Now, after 3 years single, and with all my fucked up mental state and social anxieties, and the state the dating world is in, I simply do not see myself ever having the prospect of a life partner again. And that's the root of my loneliness really. Without someone to love and be loved by, literally everything else seems like a pointless waste of time.