I have decided to give life another chance, and I believe I need to start with being confident. The thing is that I have ZERO experience with practical situations, I get so terribly anxious at times and it makes me look extremely dumb. Even if I'm confident in my heart about the stuff I'm going to say or feel, I just can't be "outwardly" confident. What do you do to start being confident? How did you do it? I know that confidence is a skill built over time but... I still need to hear your thoughts.
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CoalmineCanary
Member
- Jul 15, 2020
- 478
I don't have any advice to offer but it is very hopeful to hear that you're trying to find confidence and improve your life. We are here to support if needed.
I wish you luck!
I wish you luck!
The two foundations upon which to build confidence are experience and a negation of risk.
One can build confidence slowly using repetitious actions such as talking with sales people. One can observe over time that ones skills improve and this can become a foundation for further experimentation.
Another thing that undermines confidence are thoughts of risk. One will be inhibited from even experimenting with skill development if one 's thoughts focus too much on what people might think.
In dating situations (where a lack of confidence often inhibits people) a guy might be fearful of rejection. This can be managed by using a technique such as floating a proposal like, "Maybe we could get coffee sometime" there is less risk in such a suggestion.
If a worst case scenario is considered in a rejection situation (like being ridiculed publicly), One might consider an alternative reaction to mortification such as saying, "Thank you for showing me your character deficiencies before I wasted a lot of time and money on you."
The key is to remove those unrealistic thoughts that inhibit. On a cautionary note, one doesn't want to become unrealistic in the opposite direction and be clueless.
One can build confidence slowly using repetitious actions such as talking with sales people. One can observe over time that ones skills improve and this can become a foundation for further experimentation.
Another thing that undermines confidence are thoughts of risk. One will be inhibited from even experimenting with skill development if one 's thoughts focus too much on what people might think.
In dating situations (where a lack of confidence often inhibits people) a guy might be fearful of rejection. This can be managed by using a technique such as floating a proposal like, "Maybe we could get coffee sometime" there is less risk in such a suggestion.
If a worst case scenario is considered in a rejection situation (like being ridiculed publicly), One might consider an alternative reaction to mortification such as saying, "Thank you for showing me your character deficiencies before I wasted a lot of time and money on you."
The key is to remove those unrealistic thoughts that inhibit. On a cautionary note, one doesn't want to become unrealistic in the opposite direction and be clueless.
I can only say how I did it.
I faked it when I was younger to an extent, by studying the behaviour of others and copying it.
I learned about psychology, body language, how to flirt properly etc and applied it.
I tried to figure out what made people tick, then I could win their favour by adapting my attitude to the benefit of both parties.
I got older and got more experience, as I did that, I had to fake it less and use the above tactics less.
Now I am generally confident, but (there is always a but) if I find myself in situation that I can't control then I can lose that confidence if I can't adapt quickly enough.
I faked it when I was younger to an extent, by studying the behaviour of others and copying it.
I learned about psychology, body language, how to flirt properly etc and applied it.
I tried to figure out what made people tick, then I could win their favour by adapting my attitude to the benefit of both parties.
I got older and got more experience, as I did that, I had to fake it less and use the above tactics less.
Now I am generally confident, but (there is always a but) if I find myself in situation that I can't control then I can lose that confidence if I can't adapt quickly enough.
orbroots
Member
- Dec 24, 2020
- 25
I saw a post where someone redefined confidence as authenticity. Here are some things I would like to do to be more authentic:
1. Take my time when it feels good. Rush when it feels good. Changing my mind is okay.
2. Appreciate the subtle. Set the tiniest goals but over exaggerate the celebration upon completing them.
3. Embrace stupidity. I'm literally an evolved monkey brain who drinks energy bean water. This is ridiculous.
5. Appreciate the risks of trying new things. The consequences speak for themselves without additional punishment, guilt, and shame needed.
6. Trust the process. You don't have zero experience with anything. You at least have 1% of experience that you may not be aware of, but it's there.
1. Take my time when it feels good. Rush when it feels good. Changing my mind is okay.
2. Appreciate the subtle. Set the tiniest goals but over exaggerate the celebration upon completing them.
3. Embrace stupidity. I'm literally an evolved monkey brain who drinks energy bean water. This is ridiculous.
5. Appreciate the risks of trying new things. The consequences speak for themselves without additional punishment, guilt, and shame needed.
6. Trust the process. You don't have zero experience with anything. You at least have 1% of experience that you may not be aware of, but it's there.
b&w
Member
- Nov 12, 2020
- 55
Good for you, I hope you can do that. As for me, my mental state and confidence mainly depends on how other people perceive me and since most people dislike me that means it's nil.
Best of luck to you though, go kick some ass. Sorry for hijacking your thread to talk about myself
Best of luck to you though, go kick some ass. Sorry for hijacking your thread to talk about myself
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 19,389
I find that bad things happen when I try to be confident. There's no barrier between being confident and being cocky for me. My lack of confidence is the only thing that gives me humility and something that vaguely resembles empathy. That said it would be really nice if I could be confident without being burdened by the consequences. Life just seems to always want to punish me when I gain even a tiny amount of confidence in anything significant.
I had the same sort of issue when I was younger. Confidence and arrogance for me were indistinguishable. I think that mellowed for me as the years passed and I stopped feeling like I had to prove anything. I still have an innate arrogance, but it's been kicked out of me in recent years and I have to confess, I've at least tried to change my attitude from reading many of the stories of people on here. I still fail sometimes though and attitude comes out again. Saturday nights usually.
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 19,389
I don't know if I can really wait long enough for that to happen for me. I don't even know if it can happen for me because of how trapped I feel within this dynamic. People want me to stop beating myself up but they don't realize that beating myself up is the only reason they like having me around. Society wants us to believe in positivity and self esteem but as soon as it manifests in an way they don't like they suddenly turn and become harsh about it.
Deleted member 22624
One foot in the grave
- Oct 7, 2020
- 1,085
"Just" practice. Go out doing things knowing you can handle it, you will come through. In terms of feeling ok about it you fake it until you make it, it does supposedly get easier as you retrain your neural pathways
I think I see what you mean. For me it was about how I interpreted and displayed confidence and how I learned to compromise that in order to be able to interact with other people. For me that came naturally with age.
I'm not sure if it's something that can be forced... but... maybe having some understanding of it and how it works for you can help you figure out how to develop confidence realistically.
Usually i made things up in a way, that i won't have any choice possible instead of doing the impossible.
Sherri
Archangel
- Sep 28, 2020
- 13,796
I faked mine also, by using a mask, actress sometimes, drinking while socialising would get me more social. You have to find your own way about what's the best for you. I don't recommend the mask or acting like I did, cause once you take the mask out you become even more sad. But this is just my personal input. Hugs
Ironically when in public I appear as normal and relatively confident. People won't fuck with you and will think your confident/know what your doing if you are walking with a purpose and dressed decently. (Clothes that matches, etc.)
How many actors and politicians project images of confidence?
Sports people?
Nothing wrong with projecting an image
Might be habit forming and maybe it can be a reflection and not a projection
Sports people?
Nothing wrong with projecting an image
Might be habit forming and maybe it can be a reflection and not a projection
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