Discussion How can you tell the difference between love and obsession?

[cocoseal]

For me personally its really hard to tell the difference between the two . I struggle hard to fall in love or so I think I do. I don't know what is wrong with me and I know you guys cant just diagnose me but let me explain my situation so maybe some can tell what they think or give me like their personal view on how they can tell. So I have a partner, well me and him are extremely toxic due to my outbursts on him. But I love him with all my heart though at times I genuinely feel nothing but hatred towards him and I tend to hurt him and self sabotage myself while doing so.
I'm extremely attached to him and I feel as if I will genuinely die if he leaves me. I am completely terrified of being abandoned its one of my biggest fears since a kid. I never ever wanted to engage in romantic shit with people till now. I genuinely want to do cutesy stuff with him like hold hands and walk together, share a milkshake or some corny shit like that. But I also tend to treat him so badly and I feel bad for it afterwords. He's truly a blessing in my life and I feel the only reason I want to keep living at this point.
There are times I leave him because I fear he's gonna leave me, not to mention I am a EXTREMELY paranoid person, I feel as though everyone hates me and they all are judging me so thinking about him feeling like that towards me breaks my heart completely and that was when I do shitty things like when me and him weren't together I got with another guy that looked like him and decided to try to move on using that guy but it didn't work out because obviously it wasn't him. Also the reason I tried to do this was because I felt like my partner now hated me and was gonna leave me so I left first.
I don't know I feel so alone in this I feel like I'm just fucked up in the head or some shit. Everything's so draining for me I feel empty really and honestly I just do not feel real I cant believe I've lived this fucking long and I'm just so use to feeling how I feel ATP I'm just dissociating from reality.

 

[thenamingofcats]

I think love is something that grows over time, while obsession tends to be more short term and fades.

 

[unabletocope]

Love is something you feel, obsession is more something in your head

 

[never]

Obsession is when you wanna drive by there house and watch. Love is calling them and asking them if it's okay to come over. Obsession is trying to find out who they call or text every hour of every minute. Love is trusting them that they aren't doing anything with anyone else. Obsession is stalking them on social media and look at who she talks to and follows. Love is talking to your love interest politely and respectfully. Those are examples but these also aren't entirely accurate or the end all be all. Love is different for everyone

 

[Forveleth]

Love means your actions work towards the goal of what is genuinely best for them. Obsession always centers around you, even if actions look like they are for the benefit of the other person, the focus in obsession is you and your happiness.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Love means your actions work towards the goal of what is genuinely best for them. Obsession always centers around you, even if actions look like they are for the benefit of the other person, the focus in obsession is you and your happiness.

I think this sums it up perfectly.

 

[AllMyDreams]

I agree with the above and I'll add that love for me is when you really value a person, but don't rely on them to be happy or exist, and obsession is a manifestation of relying too much on someone.

 

[Regen]

What you describe sounds exactly like BPD :-( Love is so difficult with this disorder.

 

[LunarCharm]

I struggle to fall in love as well, in fact I've only loved two people romantically in my life; the first cheated on me so many times that eventually I stopped feeling altogether for him after being hurt so much. The second left me a month and a half ago.
i am diagnosed with BPD though.

 

[cocoseal]

I struggle to fall in love as well, in fact I've only loved two people romantically in my life; the first cheated on me so many times that eventually I stopped feeling altogether for him after being hurt so much. The second left me a month and a half ago.
i am diagnosed with BPD though.

I've only feel like I've loved three people in my life romantically, but for this partner it feels really strong. I tend to obsess with people that hurt me and honestly I've gotten use to being hurt that I only seek for relationships that will hurt me.

 

[Linda]

For me personally its really hard to tell the difference between the two . I struggle hard to fall in love or so I think I do. I don't know what is wrong with me and I know you guys cant just diagnose me but let me explain my situation so maybe some can tell what they think or give me like their personal view on how they can tell. So I have a partner, well me and him are extremely toxic due to my outbursts on him. But I love him with all my heart though at times I genuinely feel nothing but hatred towards him and I tend to hurt him and self sabotage myself while doing so.
I'm extremely attached to him and I feel as if I will genuinely die if he leaves me. I am completely terrified of being abandoned its one of my biggest fears since a kid. I never ever wanted to engage in romantic shit with people till now. I genuinely want to do cutesy stuff with him like hold hands and walk together, share a milkshake or some corny shit like that. But I also tend to treat him so badly and I feel bad for it afterwords. He's truly a blessing in my life and I feel the only reason I want to keep living at this point.
There are times I leave him because I fear he's gonna leave me, not to mention I am a EXTREMELY paranoid person, I feel as though everyone hates me and they all are judging me so thinking about him feeling like that towards me breaks my heart completely and that was when I do shitty things like when me and him weren't together I got with another guy that looked like him and decided to try to move on using that guy but it didn't work out because obviously it wasn't him. Also the reason I tried to do this was because I felt like my partner now hated me and was gonna leave me so I left first.
I don't know I feel so alone in this I feel like I'm just fucked up in the head or some shit. Everything's so draining for me I feel empty really and honestly I just do not feel real I cant believe I've lived this fucking long and I'm just so use to feeling how I feel ATP I'm just dissociating from reality.

In the short term you often can't tell the difference. But obssesion usually fades eventually. Love doesn't.
You are in danger of driving your partner away from you. Don't allow your own insecurities to lead to that result.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

There's been no difference for me. I've never known true love and I never will because I don't deserve it. All I'll get to do is obsess over people over and over again until I die so I better make that happen sooner than later.