Venting How do you live like this?

[Thekla]

I'm really stupid. Like, dangerously low IQ. I cannot do math to save my life. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I study, it just never clicks. I've given up every hope of getting a GED or whatever; failing the math portion by 3 questions after pretty much guessing the entire test. Consequently, I'm effectively "doomed" to do "shitty" jobs for the rest of my life. Already, at 19 years old, I've wasted my entire life lol.

But you know what? It's not so bad, I guess. The job itself isn't that bad, my coworkers are nice, and most people generally speaking won't give you a hard time. But I always feel this overarching feeling of shame looming over me, because I'm the defective one. I can't be normal. I can't at least be not stupid like everyone else.

Do you get what I'm saying? It's not about the damn diploma or the job or anything, my problem is that I'm intellectually incapable of receiving it. How do you even cope with this? I have no idea.

 

[U. A.]

The vast majority of humanity seemed to do pretty well not needing to be able to do math for the thousands of years humans were doing stuff before compulsory academic education (to say nothing of the places where it's still not a thing).

 

[Santana Idaho]

We have dyscalculia.

I can't count change.

And I gave up on analog clocks/watches in elementary.

 

[wheelsonthebus]

You do not write like someone with critically low intelligence-- quite the opposite. This doesn't appear to me to be ai gen, either, but feel free to let me know if I'm wrong. Your experience sounds consistent with dyscalculia, a learning disorder like dyslexia. It appears you were fucked over by your school system. I would check in with some community colleges about GED programs, and if you become a student there they may also have resources for people with learning disorders and/or be able to set you up for a formal diagnosis. You are not doomed to shitty jobs; you just shouldn't become a civil engineer or a physicist etc. Soft sciences are an option and non-sciences are an option. You were fucked over, yeah, but it's salvagable and imo it's a waste to die about it, especially dying thinking you're dumb.

 

[The_Sadness_of_Life]

I'm 39 didn't graduate High School.
19 is a very young life.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

I'm really stupid. Like, dangerously low IQ. I cannot do math to save my life. No matter how hard I try, no matter how hard I study, it just never clicks. I've given up every hope of getting a GED or whatever; failing the math portion by 3 questions after pretty much guessing the entire test. Consequently, I'm effectively "doomed" to do "shitty" jobs for the rest of my life. Already, at 19 years old, I've wasted my entire life lol.

But you know what? It's not so bad, I guess. The job itself isn't that bad, my coworkers are nice, and most people generally speaking won't give you a hard time. But I always feel this overarching feeling of shame looming over me, because I'm the defective one. I can't be normal. I can't at least be not stupid like everyone else.

Do you get what I'm saying? It's not about the damn diploma or the job or anything, my problem is that I'm intellectually incapable of receiving it. How do you even cope with this? I have no idea.

I understand how you feel. I feel defective compared to other people too. But sometimes poor self-esteem can distort how we view ourselves. I agree with wheelsonthebus, you don't write like someone who has a dangerously low IQ. Math is a notoriously difficult field of study. It's also important to remember that depression can literally impair cognition.

 

[stardewwindceres]

You do not write like someone with critically low intelligence-- quite the opposite.

@Thekla, THIS ^^^^ Plus I believe truly stupid people don't question whether they are stupid or not. They just are and have no reason, in their minds, to believe they aren't. It's harder to tell whether they actually care if they are or not, but in my experience most don't.

Anyway, you obviously have critical thinking skills and use them, which is not so common these days. You are not stupid.

 

[Gonk]

What else to say? People already said things that are true -if I don't miss something. On the bright side however, you didn't lose something you once had like me. I used to be good at math, picked my path according to that but now, I am impaired in a way there is no salvage in this path. Sure there is a lot of relativity about difficulties of different paths, or personal differences; but if I were in one of humanities major instead of this STEM, I know I could have something relatable to work instead of abstract numbers choking me.

If math is the problem, if there is a thing you enjoy, theoretically you can perfect it so much that would make STEM people adore. I am surrounded by students whose career's about STEM and what I observe that they don't know how to talk when I compare someone from studying law, philosophy, literature for instance. I enjoy being around them more than I do with my collegues.

Edit: Few grammer fixes

 

[FadingDawn]

you don't; i also feel I'm cognitively impaired in some elusive, undefined way -- as in, idk what's wrong with me; but i do know there IS something wrong, and I can't stand to live on these degrading and undignified terms. I failed high school -- technically middle school in my country -- while doing the r*tard level maths, for the really stupid people(beneath O-level); and I just have immense deficits in my working and long term memory. One of the principle reasons for killing myself, I can't live being this stupid. Like, I don't care that some people will "tolerate" me even if I'm a mental degenerate -- as I undoubtedly am -- because the very thought of being "tolerated" or "accepted" on these terms, is absolutely repugnant and revolting to me. No job, no nothing; too stupid to go to college or university. I'd rather die than drag out and rot out such a existence.