How do you know when you’re close?

[V0latile]

I feel more irritable than ever. I'm also beginning to feel pushed into doing it by circumstances outside of my control, and there is no solution anymore. I hate that this is my life. I hate that the worst part (my ctb) is yet to come. Even worse is I won't feel any relief in death because I won't be conscious of it. The whole thing is just awful.

 

[MeltingHeart]

I feel more irritable than ever. I'm also beginning to feel pushed into doing it by circumstances outside of my control, and there is no solution anymore. I hate that this is my life. I hate that the worst part (my ctb) is yet to come. Even worse is I won't feel any relief in death because I won't be conscious of it. The whole thing is just awful.

I know what you mean- someone posted that long ago- something about not even being able to be glad or happy you 'succeeded' (in ctb) as you won't know- it's a strange thought to have but I know what they mean. Like you can't appreciate that fact- as you won't be around to appreciate it! It's an odd thing to have to consider. But then I do tend to over think things a lot. Prob why it's so hard to ctb- it's some kind of cognitive dissonance.

 

[V0latile]

I know what you mean- someone posted that long ago- something about not even being able to be glad or happy you 'succeeded' (in ctb) as you won't know- it's a strange thought to have but I know what they mean. Like you can't appreciate that fact- as you won't be around to appreciate it! It's an odd thing to have to consider. But then I do tend to over think things a lot. Prob why it's so hard to ctb- it's some kind of cognitive dissonance.

I think its lure is that despite the lack of closure or good feelings that go along with success, it's still somewhat better than our current lives. It's upsetting.

 

[Essence]

It's the ultimate paradox. Perhaps we can't assume we won't know what we have done, on the 'other' side of the event though? Possibly because only the ones that leave, know their fate, that we feel we won't be aware of the transition into, whatever that may be. I too, overthink everything...

 

[V0latile]

It's the ultimate paradox. Perhaps we can't assume we won't know what we have done, on the 'other' side of the event though? Possibly because only the ones that leave, know their fate, that we feel we won't be aware of the transition into, whatever that may be. I too, overthink everything...

No afterlife conceived makes sense. Also there's no reason an afterlife needs to be eternal if there was one.

 

[Essence]

No afterlife conceived makes sense. Also there's no reason an afterlife needs to be eternal if there was one.

Perhaps the one that make sense, has not been conceived yet? Most of what we believe, has been written at some point. By a human. Whilst we are the most 'intelligent' species on this planet ( the only species with a consciousness ) does not mean we know all. I feel everyone has their own perception of what an 'afterlife' might be. It's so incredibly frustrating that we don't know what that is, if anything. I find solace in the fact that we are 99% atoms, that energy is not created or destroyed, it transforms**

 

[MeltingHeart]

It's the ultimate paradox. Perhaps we can't assume we won't know what we have done, on the 'other' side of the event though? Possibly because only the ones that leave, know their fate, that we feel we won't be aware of the transition into, whatever that may be. I too, overthink everything...

Actually paradox is the right word- I personally don't believe in "the after life" as such in and of itself - but its still a profoundly hard concept to grapple with that you are here & then you just 'won't be' , you cease to exist to even have those thoughts even though I no longer enjoy "being" the idea of not being is strangely scary- even though I won't be around to know that thought once I am gone- sound like I've been smoking some heavy duty weed!

No afterlife conceived makes sense. Also there's no reason an afterlife needs to be eternal if there was one.

That is so true. You actually can't conceive of it! But u can certainly over think it whilst you are alive- god I wish I was more impulsive!!

 

[Essence]

Actually paradox is the right word- I personally don't believe in "the after life" as such in and of itself - but its still a profoundly hard concept to grapple with that you are here & then you just 'won't be' , you cease to exist to even have those thoughts even though I no longer enjoy "being" the idea of not being is strangely scary- even though I won't be around to know that thought once I am gone- sound like I've been smoking some heavy duty weed!

That is so true. You actually can't conceive of it! But u can certainly over think it whilst you are alive- god I wish I was more impulsive!!

Yes, it's extremely hard to grasp the concept. Perhaps of ALL the things written, read and believed over the eons....maybe it's the ones that are not written, that hold the most truth. Not conjured or thought up, by other humans. Perhaps we all hold the key to the truth in ourselves, and what a marvelous thing it would be, if we unlocked this truth upon our transition from this plain...

 

[Meant2Die]

I'm really sorry you feel this way. I strongly believe in an afterlife bc of certain experiences I had as a kid, which are strongly supported by all the stories about near death experiences, but that doesn't make the deed any easier to get to doing.

Feeling the relief however - that part I would argue is something you CAN feel relief from now, even if not emotionally then mentally. Just comparing how bad your state of life is now, to whatever you imagine happens after death (either an afterlife, which i believe is going back to the source aka pure love , so thats positive, OR no afterlife which means theres NOTHING, no pain, no thoughts, no emotions, you ceist to exist and don't know it, positive) both options are better than your life right now. So knowing you will one day not have to endure whatever you are enduring that makes you want to CBT is already a very small relief isn't it? Nothing lasts forever, whether through CBT or natural causes you WILL be dead eventually, which means this torment you are currently going through will be over. Now that makes me feel a little better.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

Yes, it's extremely hard to grasp the concept. Perhaps of ALL the things written, read and believed over the eons....maybe it's the ones that are not written, that hold the most truth. Not conjured or thought up, by other humans. Perhaps we all hold the key to the truth in ourselves, and what a marvelous thing it would be, if we unlocked this truth upon our transition from this plain...

It's kind of strange. I've never been worried about what comes after I ctb. Whether there is or isn't an afterlife, won't matter to me when I'm gone. Although an afterlife would be nice, or reincarnation. As something with little to no pain in their body, mind and heart. I hate being a person. I'd much sooner be a fish.
As for OPs question... I plan to go in May, so when April and may come around, I'll know the time is nigh. If everything goes according to plan, I should be golden. Or.. Er.... Blue.

 

[Essence]

It's kind of strange. I've never been worried about what comes after I ctb. Whether there is or isn't an afterlife, won't matter to me when I'm gone. Although an afterlife would be nice, or reincarnation. As something with little to no pain in their body, mind and heart. I hate being a person. I'd much sooner be a fish.

It's always fascinated me, what if anything is after here. Always loved Quantum Physics/Mechanics, time travel, you know all that good stuff lol. It helps to satisfy my overthinking, and pedantic mind. I get so deep into these thoughts and possibilities, most people shut down when I get to 2 minutes in lol. I just go deeper and deeper. It's a nice escape sometimes from this often horrid and abhorrent existence.

 

[SuicidalSymphonies]

It's always fascinated me, what if anything is after here. Always loved Quantum Physics/Mechanics, time travel, you know all that good stuff lol. It helps to satisfy my overthinking, and pedantic mind. I get so deep into these thoughts and possibilities, most people shut down when I get to 2 minutes in lol. I just go deeper and deeper. It's a nice escape sometimes from this often horrid and abhorrent existence.

I like the idea of talking about that stuff until I've lost track of time. My mind wanders a lot and thinks about all the different possibilities there are of an afterlife and what it can offer. I would love this to be true, but if my ctb truly means a dead end, I'm still doing it. I have no SI. I've tried to ctb before as a teen but my mum found me laying on the bathroom floor covered in vomit and one arm on the toilet bowl. I was definitely going to die if she didn't hear me throwing up. It was definitely very painful
As a diabetic and going days without insulin and eating a bunch of sweets, the body shuts down and it shuts down hard. I had a NDE from this attempt. They told my mother I had 10 minutes and they'd do what they could. I lost all of my senses and then my sight went last. I felt really peaceful and saw a dark room with a door way far away but just close enough I could see trees and green grass, butterflies. Then I woke up filled with IVs and morphine.

Sorry to rant, it's just wow. I should not be here.

 

[SerenitySeeker]

I know what you mean. I keep flip flopping between being angry/irritable, sad, numb, and exhausted. Last night I found myself wanting to just do it then but also realizing risking failure if I'm not fully prepared is even worse. I'm not looking forward to the act of cbting either. I wish it could be as easy just going to sleep.

I believe in something after this life. I go back and forth between wanting there to be more and to experience that and then just wanting to not experience anything.

 

[Essence]

I like the idea of talking about that stuff until I've lost track of time. My mind wanders a lot and thinks about all the different possibilities there are of an afterlife and what it can offer. I would love this to be true, but if my ctb truly means a dead end, I'm still doing it. I have no SI. I've tried to ctb before as a teen but my mum found me laying on the bathroom floor covered in vomit and one arm on the toilet bowl. I was definitely going to die if she didn't hear me throwing up. It was definitely very painful
As a diabetic and going days without insulin and eating a bunch of sweets, the body shuts down and it shuts down hard. I had a NDE from this attempt. They told my mother I had 10 minutes and they'd do what they could. I lost all of my senses and then my sight went last. I felt really peaceful and saw a dark room with a door way far away but just close enough I could see trees and green grass, butterflies. Then I woke up filled with IVs and morphine.

Sorry to rant, it's just wow. I should not be here.

Your definitely not ranting I'm glad you are here

 

[V0latile]

Perhaps the one that make sense, has not been conceived yet? Most of what we believe, has been written at some point. By a human. Whilst we are the most 'intelligent' species on this planet ( the only species with a consciousness ) does not mean we know all. I feel everyone has their own perception of what an 'afterlife' might be. It's so incredibly frustrating that we don't know what that is, if anything. I find solace in the fact that we are 99% atoms, that energy is not created or destroyed, it transforms**

Our consciousness is only the pattern our atoms are currently arranged in. Using the idea that energy is neither created nor destroyed as evidence for our continued existence isn't accurate. That idea only applies to energy, not us as individuals.

 

[Essence]

Our consciousness is only the pattern our atoms are currently arranged in. Using the idea that energy is neither created nor destroyed as evidence for our continued existence isn't accurate. That idea only applies to energy, not us as individuals.

Our consciousness is our individuality?

 

[woxihuanni]

Can very much relate to that. It's all fucked and being calm rather than irritable does not pay off, it just makes it easier for everyone to trample all over you.

 

[darkerthanblack]

I can relate to you, I am more stressed than ever, it seems like a logical solution, some people just do it out of the blue, the true people who want to cbt themselves don't talk about it they just do it, and nobody knows the reason. You know at the end of the day the decision is yours, no one can stop you, well life maybe is not for everyone, people will always tell you "hang in there", "life is beautiful" because they never knew how awful you feel.

 

[Kodama]

When i'm in a state like right know ... more angry than depressed

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

Our consciousness is only the pattern our atoms are currently arranged in. Using the idea that energy is neither created nor destroyed as evidence for our continued existence isn't accurate. That idea only applies to energy, not us as individuals.

As much as I hate to agree, this is true. If the individual was separate from the brain, people would retain their faculties after massive brain damage.

We know this not to be the case. I respect those who believe we can survive brain death, to each his own. However I firmly believe that unless through the active intervention of an external force, death is the end of the individual.

Dead people are conscious of nothing. They don't know they died, they ever lived or even that the universe and life exist. It's similar to our situation before we were born.

 

[V0latile]

Our consciousness is our individuality?

It's who we are.

 

[CrushedHopes]

I've already come to terms with my own imminent death. That's how I know I'm close to the end.

 

[toomuchgrief]

I agreed with @CarbonMonoxide 100%, wish I can rep his post 100x times.
His last sentence sum up perfectly what death is.

And regarding energy, this, and I believe in these people answer. I also don't believe in the reasoning 'energy can't be destroy' as a reason to say 'afterlife' exist.

[[ You're displaying a lack of understanding of energy at even a basic level. When we die the energy in our body is preserved. It can be transferred to the environment through decomposition and heat, or to animals that may eat our flesh, etc. No magic is necessary.

Does your argument mean that there is an afterlife for all animals that need to transfer their energy after death, or that energy was magically created when a new person is born? Those are rhetorical.

When you die, that's the end of the road. You are either tossed in a whole and will eventually be eaten by worms, or you are cremated. Dead = dead, no fantasy world after that.

One thing you will notice about life and existence through out the universe is that EVERYTHING get's recycled. We will have no knowledge of this existence or others as our atoms are redistributed about the ecology, the environment, the solar system, etc.. We are truly just children of the Sun and not The Son. ]]

 

[Essence]

I agreed with @CarbonMonoxide 100%, wish I can rep his post 100x times.
His last sentence sum up perfectly what death is.

And regarding energy, this, and I believe in these people answer. I also don't believe in the reasoning 'energy can't be destroy' as a reason to say 'afterlife' exist.

[[ You're displaying a lack of understanding of energy at even a basic level. When we die the energy in our body is preserved. It can be transferred to the environment through decomposition and heat, or to animals that may eat our flesh, etc. No magic is necessary.

Does your argument mean that there is an afterlife for all animals that need to transfer their energy after death, or that energy was magically created when a new person is born? Those are rhetorical.

When you die, that's the end of the road. You are either tossed in a whole and will eventually be eaten by worms, or you are cremated. Dead = dead, no fantasy world after that.

One thing you will notice about life and existence through out the universe is that EVERYTHING get's recycled. We will have no knowledge of this existence or others as our atoms are redistributed about the ecology, the environment, the solar system, etc.. We are truly just children of the Sun and not The Son. ]]

I think no one truly knows though? Probably the biggest question known to mankind. Indeed though, I remember a time before my first memory.....and I can't remember it. That may be what is, after death. Or maybe not. It's all speculation really, regardless of science. But it is the natural course of every living thing, to end one day.

It's who we are.

On this level ( living here as a human on this planet ) it is who we are. Beyond this existence, it might be something entirely different.

 

[V0latile]

I think no one truly knows though? Probably the biggest question known to mankind. Indeed though, I remember a time before my first memory.....and I can't remember it. That may be what is, after death. Or maybe not. It's all speculation really, regardless of science. But it is the natural course of every living thing, to end one day.

On this level ( living here as a human on this planet ) it is who we are. Beyond this existence, it might be something entirely different.

One way to know there isn't a soul is by seeing how severe brain damage can alter a personality and memory.

 

[Essence]

One way to know there isn't a soul is by seeing how severe brain damage can alter a personality and memory.

Unless, the consciousness can operate on a different or separate level from the brain functionality perhaps?

 

[GreyMonkey]

I hope I reincarnate as a bird or an ant or a butterfly or a plant. No mind. No emotions. Just the simplify of being guided by a natural impulse.