roseblade
they/them | Never wanted to grow up
- Sep 1, 2026
- 15
I hate how easily I lie to people about how I'm feeling. I hate how nothing on the inside ever shows on the outside. I hate how people are surprised when I say I'm unhappy even when I'm teetering on the edge. I can't cry even when I really want to; my body just won't do it. I hate how nobody knows what's going on inside my head, and it's all because I just won't tell them, and don't know how even if I wanted to. I don't know if they'd even care. I got good at pretending because I learned growing up that how I felt didn't matter, and listening to the way people talk (I live/work in an area with a strong "fuck your feelings" culture), I think that's probably true. I don't see how I'm supposed to value my life when nobody else will, and I don't know how I'm supposed to just ignore my emotions when they're literally trying to kill me. I hate knowing that I'll probably end up CTB "out of nowhere", or worse, continuing to live in silent misery because I'm too chicken
