Scared shitless and starting to get rid of things in my apartment so I can leave. Between unemployment, autism, politics and being alone in this country I don't have the resources to cope with life here any more. But in a way, it's necessary - I'm going to stop trying to connect with other people, and focus on packing and a new chapter, and focus on my work search and hobbies. If I'm lonely I go dancing or movies or sit in a cafe. I don't need friends. They're a distraction from my art, which is what matters. It's time to stop trying. My painting matters more than a person who ends up ghosting you. Painting and music are what keep me going more than any person can.