¿How do u feel about your birthday?

[dopamine333]

Today is my birthday, however I am not happy about it.

I remember that two or three birthdays ago it was an important day, of celebration and fun. But today I can't stop thinking about what the hell I'm doing alive.
Every day I feel more useless for being in this limbo, in the middle of death and life, with one foot on each side but unable to move to either.

I really want ctb but I'm so frozen that I can't take action.
Every day more gray, monotonous and meaningless. I hope I can find some relief soon.

Anyway, I hope I don't have to celebrate another one xd

 

[loser098]

Dread it. It's a day of reminding me how behind I am in terms of development as a person. Honestly, I don't think I'll celebrate my next in any meaningful way. Too awkward.

Happy birthday, OP. Hope you find happiness one day.

 

[The Silly Sluggy]

Yeah I don't like birthdays either. For me it's just another number in a world full of enough of that... I especially hate birthdays cause there CAN be nobody there to celebrate it, and I'd rather not have a birthday at all, just so I don't get my hopes up or something stupid.

Happy birthday btw! I'll crack open a cold one for your special day cause why not ^^

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I never celebrate it, bc it's just not a good thing to be born into this hellhole, to have it imposed on me by my parents, who really didn't think it through before gambling me into this game. It's unlucky to be born imo.

 

[foxgirl]

There are some aspects about my birthday I enjoy, like getting to eat cake.. Can definitely understand your frustration with it though and I'm sorry to hear. Happy birthday to you though, I hope you can find some happiness and peace one day.

 

[dopamine333]

Dread it. It's a day of reminding me how behind I am in terms of development as a person. Honestly, I don't think I'll celebrate my next in any meaningful way. Too awkward.

Happy birthday, OP. Hope you find happiness one day

That is a interesting way to live Your birthday. Thanks 4 the good hopee

 

[StellaSomnus]

Happy birthday, my darling. I hope you have at least a good one. If you don't have a reason to treat yourself, then your birthday would be the day for it.

Personally, I don't make my birthday a huge deal, and to some extent I don't give a shit about my birthday, to me it's just another day, but I do treat myself with something nice. I usually am stingy in spending money even for myself so for my birthday. A high quality Victoria Sandwich is a treat for my birthday.

 

[dopamine333]

Yeah I don't like birthdays either. For me it's just another number in a world full of enough of that... I especially hate birthdays cause there CAN be nobody there to celebrate it, and I'd rather not have a birthday at all, just so I don't get my hopes up or something stupid.

Happy birthday btw! I'll crack open a cold one for your special day cause why not ^^

Rolling another One to share with u cold

 

[mia_qwerty]

My birthday soon too and hoping it will be my last. I have nothing to live for.

 

[passivethought121]

I hate it. I hate remembering I'm not dead. I hate remembering all the times where I had enough motivation to die but I didn't try. I hate being obliged to eat. I hate acting over gifts. I do appreciate gifts, but I have to put a lot of effort into showing appreciation. If I just be myself, I'm seen as an ingrate.

 

[hi-okbye]

happy birthday!

i agree with hating birthdays as well. although for slightly different reasons. i was adopted, my birth mom left me as soon as i was born. so it always feels like the day i was just left behind. even when i was super young, i always realized that to be adopted.. it means someone leaves you behind, someone who's supposed to love you but doesn't enough to keep you. i've sort of changed my perspective of it over the years, understanding that she wanted the best for me, and she knew she couldn't care for me. the day still hurts though.
when my partner was alive, we always planed our future together in conversations, sometimes year by year, so now it makes birthdays worse, because it marks another year where he won't be here anymore, and i won't be able to live that future. without him it feels like there's no future, because he was supposed to be the future but there's no point now :/

 

[D1byRam3n]

Nothing... special it just like ordinary day and im not celebrating my birthday with everyone in my family on every year...anyway happy birthday! Sorry if its late...

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yeah- I don't like birthdays either. Why would I celebrate being born? It's the worst thing that ever happened to me! Plus- yeah- one year older. That's not a good thing as you get older. Just means more stuff is likely to start failing within our bodies.

I find all celebrations weird though. I don't tend to celebrate any of them- Christmas, New Years, birthdays. It's an odd feeling though because, you get that heightened sense of how abnormal you are. That most people are having fun with their families.

I have these weird contradictory feelings with birthdays. Like- I don't want to celebrate it but- if people do forget, that still kind of hurts. Don't really understand it. I guess it is the whole thing that it tends to highlight how abnormal things are. I guess sometimes I wonder if I had the potential to be anything different and I suppose I did. But then- pointless throwing a pity party because I've brought this on myself. It probably is what I prefer or- feel most comfortable with at the end of the day.

I hope you find a way to enjoy the day. Treat yourself to something you like.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

That's not a good thing as you get older. Just means more stuff is likely to start failing within our bodies.

Well, you do inch that much closer to death :).

 

[アホペンギン]

My birthday is tomorrow… I feel indifferent about it although I wish I had been successful all those months ago, before I am now burdened to another potential year of living. I may or may not be here to celebrate my next birthday next year.

 

[just_erika]

hate it. coincidentally today is also my birthday. and i just turned 30
just feels bad
I just don't want to recognize this day as anything special. just exist and not think about it
but ppl insist on celebratng/doing something

already had a fight with gf because she cannot comprehend how much I hate this day

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Before my big failure in life a few years ago I always liked my birthday though I haven't really celebrated anymore when I grew older. I didn't mind my birthday.

But since I failed in life and each year is only a decline ending worse than the last one I hate being reminded of my birthday bc it's just another terrible year behind me and ahead of me.

The thing is there're still people (family and friends) who congratulate and then I have to wear the "everything is super good and fine mask" ... I HATE IT!!!

 

[FuneralCry]

It just reminds me that I've suffered for yet another year in this existence I've never seen as desirable in the first place. It terrifies me the thought of reaching a much older age and how this existence could potentially go on for decades, it's so horrible how we cannot just have the option to easily die in peace.

 

[ctvunny]

Its nice, just not my thing anymore. Also belated birthday!

 

[hi-okbye]

My birthday is tomorrow… I feel indifferent about it although I wish I had been successful all those months ago, before I am now burdened to another potential year of living. I may or may not be here to celebrate my next birthday next year.

happy birthday!

 

[autistocracy]

I hate my birthday. I bawled my eyes out when I turned 25 this year. I plan on ctb by 27. I don't want to see 30 at all, I've lived enough.
Anyways, happy birthday OP

 

[greebo6]

Dread mine.

 

[suicidal flapper]

I hate it. I no one to celebrate it with and no reason to either. It's also the day where my family where my family has the perfect excuse to give me actual garbage that they bought years ago because of hoarding habits.

I don't get the appeal of growing older either

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I feel neutral about my birthday. It's just another day to me. The only thing I like about my birthday is how close it is to my dad's birthday, so if I do celebrate it I can do it with him, but that's it. Otherwise, I just treat it any other day. I nearly forgot my last birthday.

 

[turbomightbegone]

My birthday was very recently. I hate the fact that my family won't leave me alone on it but I appreciate the things that my friends give me. It's pretty much neutral, although it doesn't really feel like a special day.

 

[Aergia]

hated them since 16. they're reminders that time has passed, but I'm still stuck.

I'm especially dreading 20 since there's been some comfort, in feeling heretofore that it mattered less if I was a mess since I was just a teenager. entering my 20s and still being in this limbo— where I can't commit to either recovery or death— still having my parents exert the amount of control they do over my life, still having done nothing worthwhile with these years... isn't something i'm going to be happy about. I know 20 is still super young, so I'm definitely being irrational but...

 

[LaVieEnRose]

hated them since 16. they're reminders that time has passed, but I'm still stuck.

I'm especially dreading 20 since there's been some comfort, in feeling heretofore that it mattered less if I was a mess since I was just a teenager. entering my 20s and still being in this limbo— where I can't commit to either recovery or death— still having my parents exert the amount of control they do over my life, still having done nothing worthwhile with these years... isn't something i'm going to be happy about. I know 20 is still super young, so I'm definitely being irrational but...

And we will no longer be able to point to you as an example of how wise teenagers can be.

 

[Lupgevif]

I love it. It's like a first taste of Christmas for me. I don't get gifts anymore in either dates, but I had so many good birthdays in my youth, I still associate the date to good things. Reminds me of the few good things I had. And the few people that still wish me a happy birthday make me feel all cheery like I felt when being wished a happy birthday when I was a kid.

 

[sad_rock]

Dreadful. It reminds me of how much not an adult i am. I'm pretty behind all my peers developementally.

 

[Abyssal]

It's unimportant. Just another day.