Help How do I stop caring?

[snowlance]

Recently some drama with family, including me finally sticking up for myself for once, has led to all of my family brushing me off and ignoring me A LOT more often and don't act very friendly or take me seriously anymore. They've become more and more toxic since living with them like i predicted exactly. But I'm stuck living with them until I get approved for disability.

Problem is I've always been conditioned to show people stuff and be kind to everyone, almost impulsively. So much so that even if someone treats me like shit, ill try to be friends with them, and ive always been like this. Ive never tried to make enemies, hate people, or stick up for myself. A big part of this has to do with my severe ADHD, memory problems and grew up always trying to read everyone's mood so I should be careful or not around them to not risk an anxiety attack or make them hate me.

I was always weak. I'm changing that now and trying to become more assertive so peoplle dont push me around so much, but how do I condition myself out of this weak habit? I don't want to keep putting any effort on people that dont deserve or betray my kindness. Any help is appreciated and I hope everyone's next year isnt as shit as the last one

 

[cosmic_traveler]

There's an expression;

There is one thing in common with everyone that tries to bring you down.
They're beneath you.
They are trying to bring you down to their level.
Don't let them.
Keep your head held high and disregard the howls below.​

Like you, we also conditioned ourself to read people carefully. The trick that we always used was "fake it till you make it". If anybody ever put me down at work, I wouldn't react. Instead we would focus really hard on accomplishing something in order for that person to eat their words.

I hope you find peace. Be well on your journey.

 

[Rational man]

I sometimes feel.that empathetic people, maybe like us seem to.attract the ' punch.bag' types, so.they can.deflect.their pain on us. A couple of girlfriends were just like that and typically, I would get drawn in and chewed up . We naturally want to help and surely thats what this world needs, but seriously, you've been.handed this ' caring card' and its who you are. I started working on guilt issues and that seemed to help me find a path that enabled me to not doubt or question my motives so much!. My family who are toxic sucking vampires, and I told them.where to get off.

 

[enstarve]

Good question! It absolutely varies. From person to person, depending on how you empathy (if you have any) works!
I suffer from chronic apathy, so I'll share my secret with you.
The truth sadly is no matter how hard you try people will not care about your kindness and will only use it to benefit themselves. Im sure theres people who will argue with me on this but its just the way things are. We are our own first priority. Others? Pssh, people come, people go. Kapishe?
Put yourself in the so called "back seat" of life. Try viewing your interactions with people from a 3rd person perspective. Stop viewing those in your life as people with their own stories and emotions, instead imagine them as soulless supporting roles in a badly written movie.
You seem like a sweet, gentle person from what you've said here. It sucks that people usually prey on you and those alike, i wish you luck!

 

[snowlance]

Good question! It absolutely varies. From person to person, depending on how you empathy (if you have any) works!
I suffer from chronic apathy, so I'll share my secret with you.
The truth sadly is no matter how hard you try people will not care about your kindness and will only use it to benefit themselves. Im sure theres people who will argue with me on this but its just the way things are. We are our own first priority. Others? Pssh, people come, people go. Kapishe?
Put yourself in the so called "back seat" of life. Try viewing your interactions with people from a 3rd person perspective. Stop viewing those in your life as people with their own stories and emotions, instead imagine them as soulless supporting roles in a badly written movie.
You seem like a sweet, gentle person from what you've said here. It sucks that people usually prey on you and those alike, i wish you luck!

I think that's the thing that's helped the most actually and will help more I practice it. Just pretend they're npcs in a simulation like everyone else and everyone knows you can't hold a conversation with an ai xd It's kinda like the same energy as "imagine them in their underwear"

 

[Old Friend]

I don't think you can decide to stop caring. Either you care or you don't.

 

[snowlance]

I don't think you can decide to stop caring. Either you care or you don't.

I'm starting to consider it a curse to have empathy now xd

 

[Old Friend]

I get that. Feel it myself oftentimes. That said, people are better human beings with empathy, even when it hurts.