Will it ever get better

[bl33ding_heart]

I've been wondering for years if it will ever get better. I feel more like I'm just simply existing and waiting than trying. But that's because I have tried over and over. But I still end up going back to repeating the same shitty habits that regress me and hold me back. I'm too weak and pathetic to overcome my issues and actually live rather than just merely exist. I'll always be a slave to my mental disorders, and no matter what progress I make I always end up fucking up due to my impulsivity and making my disorders incredibly symptomatic and out of control again. I feel so pathetic I should honestly stop trying and kill myself. Seeing other people around me be mentally stable and genuinely enjoy their lives makes me feel like literal human trash. Why is it so impossible for me to be like them. Why can they do it so effortlessly, but I can't? I know why, and I know it's because I have severe mental disorders that make my life 1000 times more difficult than someone without any form of mental illness. But I can't help but repeatedly ask myself these questions, and have my expectations for myself be set way too high.

 

[mustard tiger]

no

 

[.idiot]

You have 15k saved up and plans for going to an International college. Having plans for the future in the first place is a step to things getting better. If it is any consolation, having the self-control to be able to actually save 15k instead of blowing it all randomly shows you aren't the completely impulsive fuckup you may feel like you are.

As for seeing those who seem to have it all together, they have their own problems too- is the usual take and what I would like to say, but no. Some people really DO just have it all together. They're those who have. I could also just say some shit like "don't compare" but you, and I myself, know it is much easier said than done. The only thing I can really think of for this is to try to contort that feeling of inferiority you have into envy, so that feeling of envy pushes you harder to try to attain that stability you desire.

On your mental disorders- if you don't mind me asking, what disorders do you have? PM me if you don't want them out in the open, or don't share at all if you don't feel comfortable.