Help How do I give life another chance?

[larastoned]

Yesterday, I finished my preparations for my CTB method (Sodium Cyanide capsules). I made 12 pieces, each containing at least 300mg. Should be easy to CTB now, right? However, lately, I've been thinking about giving life another chance.

How do I do that though? I can't seem to find an answer. For context, I'm diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and ADHD. I don't have a job and I can't get a job. I'm living off my father's money. I'm also in a lot of debt (the final nail on the coffin).

But somehow, regardless of those, something invisible is dragging me towards "life". I honestly do not know what I'm looking for here, but if you can give me honest advice, that'll be great. Thank you for reading.

 

[Parnate]

Giving sometime in day to your hobby or doing whatever you like e.g. I like listening music so i listen to my favourite songs and it elevates my mood.
Regarding job you can try to find a telecalling job, or filling out survey jobs.
Treating your issues but you said you are in debt and also I don't know your country so don't have an idea about healthcare over there.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Maybe it's survival instinct that is dragging you towards life now that you have your method ready.
Is lack of Money and employment the main reason for you wanting to ctb, or is it health problems ?
I find it incredibly difficult to find work because of my depression, bipolar 1 and aspergers.

 

[larastoned]

Giving sometime in day to your hobby or doing whatever you like e.g. I like listening music so i listen to my favourite songs and it elevates my mood.
Regarding job you can try to find a telecalling job, or filling out survey jobs.
Treating your issues but you said you are in debt and also I don't know your country so don't have an idea about healthcare over there.

To be honest with you, one of my hobbies is one my pull. I used to be so into it, but now I don't even have the energy to feed myself.

Maybe it's survival instinct that is dragging you towards life now that you have your method ready.
Is lack of Money and employment the main reason for you wanting to ctb, or is it health problems ?
I find it incredibly difficult to find work because of my depression, bipolar 1 and aspergers.

I think you are right. It is definitely SI. I don't even know anymore. Because back when I had a job and a lot of money, I was STILL suicidal.

 

[deadbody]

But somehow, regardless of those, something invisible is dragging me towards "life"

I agree with Nembutal dreams, it's work of SI, as you already mentioned. Overcoming it can be very difficult, but I believe that you can do it.

 

[whywere]

Hi!

To start with, I am 67, reference point for this post. I have had 2 attempts; 72 hour holds and a court appearance where I had to fight like heck from getting a long-term commitment in a state run facility. I won that aspect, thank heavens!

It is all over here about my "parents" and the hell that I endured till 18 and kicked out and never heard from my "parents" again ever, 100% their choice.

With that also said, life is ups, down and everything in between with a few extra curves thrown in for good measure. I love sunrises and sunsets and for the 1st time in my life I have a family, all the wonderful folks here, as I have no family nor friends at all.

Helping to make folks smile, feel good about themselves, and have a laugh is awesome and that alone makes life worth living. Smelling the earth and plants after a nice rain is awesome.

Having that piece of pie and/or sweets is so yummy! Holding hands and seeing a beautiful ocean view with dolphins playing in the ocean is a wonder of nature that is worth living for.

In general, of course there is headaches and heartaches, BUT all the wonderful sights, sounds, smells and lovely folks to meet down the road makes life worth it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I gathered from your thread just how kind and wonderful of a soul you are and for me not having you here as a family member to/for me, breaks my heart into pieces. I care about you and want the best for you. Believe me, after 67 years of having no one and now having all the great folks here, that includes YOU, it makes life worth it to me and hopefully to you also.

Lots of love, well wishes, hugs and the absolute knowledge that you have so much to give others and yourself.

Walter

 

[Tesha]

It's a tough one and it does sound like SI.

You asked for honest opinions on how to give life another chance, so I'll give you mine.

Firstly, you're unlikely to be able to move on while you still have your method readily accessible; it will always be a psychological pull. I'm not saying destroy it, I'm saying maybe put it somewhere it's not Immediately available. I've done this with my method and while I know it's still an easy option for me, I also know it's going to take more than an impulsive act to CTB.

Then the really difficult bit….insight. Be honest with yourself. What is holding you here? What is the SI telling you, what is the pull? Is it the fear of the unknown of death? Is it friends or family, or the pain of potentially hurting them? Is it simply that you've still got things to do? The job, debt and money situation may seem insurmountable, but are they if you looked differently at your situation? You come across as someone with creativity - not everyone can pull together the things needed for sodium cyanide capsules.

I don't think anybody is going to be able to tell you the actual steps you need to take to see if living is still something you want to do - as we're not you and haven't lived your life. We can be here to support you with whatever decision you make, CTB or try and recover. If you need to vent, vent. If you need to CTB, you've got the method.

 

[larastoned]

Hi!

To start with, I am 67, reference point for this post. I have had 2 attempts; 72 hour holds and a court appearance where I had to fight like heck from getting a long-term commitment in a state run facility. I won that aspect, thank heavens!

It is all over here about my "parents" and the hell that I endured till 18 and kicked out and never heard from my "parents" again ever, 100% their choice.

With that also said, life is ups, down and everything in between with a few extra curves thrown in for good measure. I love sunrises and sunsets and for the 1st time in my life I have a family, all the wonderful folks here, as I have no family nor friends at all.

Helping to make folks smile, feel good about themselves, and have a laugh is awesome and that alone makes life worth living. Smelling the earth and plants after a nice rain is awesome.

Having that piece of pie and/or sweets is so yummy! Holding hands and seeing a beautiful ocean view with dolphins playing in the ocean is a wonder of nature that is worth living for.

In general, of course there is headaches and heartaches, BUT all the wonderful sights, sounds, smells and lovely folks to meet down the road makes life worth it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I gathered from your thread just how kind and wonderful of a soul you are and for me not having you here as a family member to/for me, breaks my heart into pieces. I care about you and want the best for you. Believe me, after 67 years of having no one and now having all the great folks here, that includes YOU, it makes life worth it to me and hopefully to you also.

Lots of love, well wishes, hugs and the absolute knowledge that you have so much to give others and yourself.

Walter

Thank you. This is beautiful. It made me take a look at my sweet angel dogs immediately. Have a wonderful day ahead, Walter!

It's a tough one and it does sound like SI.

You asked for honest opinions on how to give life another chance, so I'll give you mine.

Firstly, you're unlikely to be able to move on while you still have your method readily accessible; it will always be a psychological pull. I'm not saying destroy it, I'm saying maybe put it somewhere it's not Immediately available. I've done this with my method and while I know it's still an easy option for me, I also know it's going to take more than an impulsive act to CTB.

Then the really difficult bit….insight. Be honest with yourself. What is holding you here? What is the SI telling you, what is the pull? Is it the fear of the unknown of death? Is it friends or family, or the pain of potentially hurting them? Is it simply that you've still got things to do? The job, debt and money situation may seem insurmountable, but are they if you looked differently at your situation? You come across as someone with creativity - not everyone can pull together the things needed for sodium cyanide capsules.

I don't think anybody is going to be able to tell you the actual steps you need to take to see if living is still something you want to do - as we're not you and haven't lived your life. We can be here to support you with whatever decision you make, CTB or try and recover. If you need to vent, vent. If you need to CTB, you've got the method.

This will probably sound silly, but the thought of a new year kinda makes me wanna have hope. Journaling is my hobby, and I just bought my first 2024 journal last month. But other than that, nothing else. Hah. Thank you, I'm just too lazy/tired for complicated methods.

 

[tiger b]

Hi!

To start with, I am 67, reference point for this post. I have had 2 attempts; 72 hour holds and a court appearance where I had to fight like heck from getting a long-term commitment in a state run facility. I won that aspect, thank heavens!

It is all over here about my "parents" and the hell that I endured till 18 and kicked out and never heard from my "parents" again ever, 100% their choice.

With that also said, life is ups, down and everything in between with a few extra curves thrown in for good measure. I love sunrises and sunsets and for the 1st time in my life I have a family, all the wonderful folks here, as I have no family nor friends at all.

Helping to make folks smile, feel good about themselves, and have a laugh is awesome and that alone makes life worth living. Smelling the earth and plants after a nice rain is awesome.

Having that piece of pie and/or sweets is so yummy! Holding hands and seeing a beautiful ocean view with dolphins playing in the ocean is a wonder of nature that is worth living for.

In general, of course there is headaches and heartaches, BUT all the wonderful sights, sounds, smells and lovely folks to meet down the road makes life worth it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I gathered from your thread just how kind and wonderful of a soul you are and for me not having you here as a family member to/for me, breaks my heart into pieces. I care about you and want the best for you. Believe me, after 67 years of having no one and now having all the great folks here, that includes YOU, it makes life worth it to me and hopefully to you also.

Lots of love, well wishes, hugs and the absolute knowledge that you have so much to give others and yourself.

Walter

That's one of the best things I've ever read. No, I'm not crying, there's something in my eye...

 

[Enlighten]

Take things one at a time. You can't fix your entire life in a day. Try doing at least 1 productive thing every day and you will get there.

 

[carac]

Hi!

To start with, I am 67, reference point for this post. I have had 2 attempts; 72 hour holds and a court appearance where I had to fight like heck from getting a long-term commitment in a state run facility. I won that aspect, thank heavens!

It is all over here about my "parents" and the hell that I endured till 18 and kicked out and never heard from my "parents" again ever, 100% their choice.

With that also said, life is ups, down and everything in between with a few extra curves thrown in for good measure. I love sunrises and sunsets and for the 1st time in my life I have a family, all the wonderful folks here, as I have no family nor friends at all.

Helping to make folks smile, feel good about themselves, and have a laugh is awesome and that alone makes life worth living. Smelling the earth and plants after a nice rain is awesome.

Having that piece of pie and/or sweets is so yummy! Holding hands and seeing a beautiful ocean view with dolphins playing in the ocean is a wonder of nature that is worth living for.

In general, of course there is headaches and heartaches, BUT all the wonderful sights, sounds, smells and lovely folks to meet down the road makes life worth it beyond a shadow of a doubt.
I gathered from your thread just how kind and wonderful of a soul you are and for me not having you here as a family member to/for me, breaks my heart into pieces. I care about you and want the best for you. Believe me, after 67 years of having no one and now having all the great folks here, that includes YOU, it makes life worth it to me and hopefully to you also.

Lots of love, well wishes, hugs and the absolute knowledge that you have so much to give others and yourself.

Walter

I relate to this a lot, I'm 46 and starting to recover and get my life back, I see a lot of posts from younger members dreading getting old or not even seeing themselves at an old age. I think as you age you gain new perspectives and the smallest things can give you joy, like you say, a piece of cake or a wonderful view.

Like yourself I have found a family here and support, even though I have my own, they could never truly understand me like people here do. I still have to keep fighting but now I often feel like it is worth it.

Thankyou for sharing such kind and inspiring words

 

[hopeless08]

Yesterday, I finished my preparations for my CTB method (Sodium Cyanide capsules). I made 12 pieces, each containing at least 300mg. Should be easy to CTB now, right? However, lately, I've been thinking about giving life another chance.

How do I do that though? I can't seem to find an answer. For context, I'm diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and ADHD. I don't have a job and I can't get a job. I'm living off my father's money. I'm also in a lot of debt (the final nail on the coffin).

But somehow, regardless of those, something invisible is dragging me towards "life". I honestly do not know what I'm looking for here, but if you can give me honest advice, that'll be great. Thank

Maybe it's the universe telling you that there are good things ahead of you, it's probably also a gut instinct.
Maybe it's the universe telling you that there are good things ahead of you, it's probably also a gut instinct.

 

[[redacted]]

I admire your strenght

 

[EndingEagle]

If you feel like not wanting to do it you can always ST later or never. Maybe try doing some things which you enjoy or maybe try something entirely new?

 

[penguinl0v3s]

If you don't mind me asking, who diagnosed you with BPD? Hospitals and stuck up doctors are well known for misdiagnosing people with BPD, and therapists are left to deal with challenging that diagnoses.