Help How do I busy myself from thinking about suicide

[miles-away]

I've never felt worse in my life. I move away in 3 weeks but I'm stuck in my parents house. I do not own a car and nobody is allowed to touch my mother's precious car. So I'm housebound lately. I live in a very sleepy, boring desert town and there is really nothing to do within walking distance. The only times I've been out of the house lately has been when my family wants to do twee Christmas activities. All my friends/ex-coworkers kind of have their own shit going on and probably will not meet up with me. Ex-boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago and even though we've been off and on with contact, talking to him makes me incredibly sad and I miss him a lot.

Being in such close confinement with them again is sort of bringing me back to my NEET days. I feel terrible and I've never felt more suicidal in my life. I am very, very tempted to blow what little savings I have, go to somewhere I've always wanted to visit and just kill myself there. I mean, I've kind come to accept that if I don't kill myself now, it will probably be when I'm 25 or 28 or 30 and my life actually sucks for real.

I kind of like redecorating my room but I see no point since I'll never come back to it. I could go to the mall but I'd have to take an uber. I bought a $200 banjo and haven't touched it. My minds fucked cooked from ADHD and an internet addiction.
Idk. What can I do to not kill myself before moving away.

 

[TheFalseWidow]

Well, where are you moving to? That sounds refreshing. How are you going to get around once you get there? Sounds like you're so close to freedom! Big moves are a big breath of fresh air sometimes