Venting how do i break the cycle of feeling bad when i message him and he doesnt respond so i subconsciously message him less but then i feel bad about that?

[coolgal82]

as the title says, the cycle goes that i message him semi frequently, but like sometimes he takes an hour or two to respond which like fine he's busy he has a job i get it, but i can't help that it still makes me feel bad, and when i used to message him alot more sometimes hed only reply to like a few messages i sent when i sent like a whole barrage which hurt so i kinda stopped doing that as much like subconsciously.

But then cus it hurts and i do it less i feel guilty for not talking to him as much and start to feel like more lonely and sad, and i get worried that he will start to dislike me and block me for not talking to him enough or he'll think i don't actually care about him so like i try to start messaging more and i either cant and feel worse or eventually i sometimes can but then it just goes back to the first bit. it's a never ending cycle and no matter what i do i can't fucking win.

What the actual fuck is wrong with me why is my fucking brain like this