Venting update on my loss of my special person. i can’t move on.

[w4itingforthesun]

i still miss him so badly. i managed to contact someone who knew him and explained everything. then i saw that he had been calling this person for hours at a time and i had no clue. he also lied about his age. i feel so sick. even despite all the lies i found out, i don't even care. i just want him back. i want him back and i miss him and i know i was special i was the only one he said good morning to and talked to every single day i miss him i would do anything for another chance with him i don't care about anything else i don't care to move on. i tried sending him a goodbye message through the person i contacted and he is going through our discord dms and deleting every single message he's ever sent me. it's hurting so bad. 2 years of our history he is just deleting. 165k messages has gone down to 150k. he's just deleting everything i cant even hold on to what we had. am i being punished for wanting to say goodbye? did i go too fast? should i have given him more space for longer before contacting this person and trying to get in contact? it was only 2 days and now i feel so much regret because maybe if i had given it like a month he would've come back. but i was too pushy again and now im facing the consequences. im so sick and i miss him and i just want him back. i dont care about everything i discovered. i don't care how much he lied or if im not his special person i just want him to come back to me and it hurts so so so bad.

 

[anopenwound]

Honey. I could have written this myself. I know how you're feeling deep to my fucking bones.

Do you wanna tell me / us what's the context behind this? I, for one, wanna hear your story.

 

[danonki]

really hard to stop talking to someone who has been a part of your day for such a long time.

 

[w4itingforthesun]

Honey. I could have written this myself. I know how you're feeling deep to my fucking bones.

Do you wanna tell me / us what's the context behind this? I, for one, wanna hear your story.

sorry i replied to this and kept accidentally reposting it so ill reply again.
i met this guy on a game called overwatch about 2 years ago and we hit it off super well and we started talking every day and he added me on discord and we spoke every day. i've never grown so close to a person and i never had someone say good morning to me every day like he did, spoke to me every day like he did. he introduced me to a feeling of love towards someone that i had never felt before. all i ever wanted was something like this. i've never cared about anyone so much before. there was a point where we took a break for about 2 months but he reached out to me and then we started talking every single day again. i was so happy to have him back. he said he loved me and only wanted me. every time i made mistakes or was a problem he was patient and said it was okay and that our love was stronger than some small problems. but i really messed it all up and i kept being a problem too many times and he finally got tired of me and said he was done with me. i don't care i just want him back i miss him so badly it hurts so badly and it's all my fault i really hope something else kills me so i dont have to do it myself.

really hard to stop talking to someone who has been a part of your day for such a long time.

i can't handle it at all. but it seems like it's not the same way for him. it hasn't been hard for him at all and seeing him be completely fine and seeing him even deleting all of our messages together is so hard and im hurting so badly

 

[100memoryleaks]

sorry i replied to this and kept accidentally reposting it so ill reply again.
i met this guy on a game called overwatch about 2 years ago and we hit it off super well and we started talking every day and he added me on discord and we spoke every day. i've never grown so close to a person and i never had someone say good morning to me every day like he did, spoke to me every day like he did. he introduced me to a feeling of love towards someone that i had never felt before. all i ever wanted was something like this. i've never cared about anyone so much before. there was a point where we took a break for about 2 months but he reached out to me and then we started talking every single day again. i was so happy to have him back. he said he loved me and only wanted me. every time i made mistakes or was a problem he was patient and said it was okay and that our love was stronger than some small problems. but i really messed it all up and i kept being a problem too many times and he finally got tired of me and said he was done with me. i don't care i just want him back i miss him so badly it hurts so badly and it's all my fault i really hope something else kills me so i dont have to do it myself.

i can't handle it at all. but it seems like it's not the same way for him. it hasn't been hard for him at all and seeing him be completely fine and seeing him even deleting all of our messages together is so hard and im hurting so badly

my special person deleted our entire telegram chat. 3 years of both fun times and arguments gone at the click of a button. i know how you feel, i really do. i know many people will dismiss us saying "it was only online" "you never met" "you can move on" but it's not that simple when you care so deeply about someone, more than anyone else ever could. mine said he had never seen anyone take so much interest in his life, let alone someone he met online. i hope i get to see him in my mind's eye right before i ctb.

 

[w4itingforthesun]

my special person deleted our entire telegram chat. 3 years of both fun times and arguments gone at the click of a button. i know how you feel, i really do. i know many people will dismiss us saying "it was only online" "you never met" "you can move on" but it's not that simple when you care so deeply about someone, more than anyone else ever could. mine said he had never seen anyone take so much interest in his life, let alone someone he met online. i hope i get to see him in my mind's eye right before i ctb.

wow it's crazy how much we have in common haha. it's so fucked up that these people can make us want to ctb and they get to live happy lives. deleting everything i just don't understand. it's so cruel. i tried to send him a message on anything i could for a few days and i thought if he saw how much i missed him and how much i just wanted him to talk to me that he would remember everything we had and he would want to come back but he feels nothing towards me at all. the night before he left me he was even calling me his good girl. but in the end i just know it's my fault he left. i kept letting my insecurity cause problems and he was always so patient but he finally got tired of me, exactly the thing i was so afraid of. if i had just been more normal and never got so emotional all the time he would still be here he would've never stopped loving me i wake up feeling so sick and my head is totally taken over by my overwhelming guilt. i know i wasn't worth staying for. but even then i yearned for it and i still do. if i died he wouldn't even know and if he found out he probably wouldn't even care.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I understand you.. My fp left me a bit over a week ago after four years of dedication and love and care poured into him and us, waking up everyday texting him before everyone else, going to visit him and cuddling and cutting each others names into our skin and getting engaged and promising a forever wedding of happiness and love and a brighter future..
All of that thrown away within one day, out of nowhere I was kicked from every chat we ever had, all my friends taken away, he blocked me everywhere, after telling me he just didnl't ove me anymore and didn't feel attracted to me anymore.. Even after all the work and all the things I stuck around for, he threw me aside in the end anyway.. It's unfair that these people get to do this when they mean so much to us..
It doesn't hurt to be around us, for us it's a lifeline for them it's just another relationship, that's not Fair and I wish it was ok to force them to be with you forever..

 

[100memoryleaks]

I understand you.. My fp left me a bit over a week ago after four years of dedication and love and care poured into him and us, waking up everyday texting him before everyone else, going to visit him and cuddling and cutting each others names into our skin and getting engaged and promising a forever wedding of happiness and love and a brighter future..
All of that thrown away within one day, out of nowhere I was kicked from every chat we ever had, all my friends taken away, he blocked me everywhere, after telling me he just didnl't ove me anymore and didn't feel attracted to me anymore.. Even after all the work and all the things I stuck around for, he threw me aside in the end anyway.. It's unfair that these people get to do this when they mean so much to us..
It doesn't hurt to be around us, for us it's a lifeline for them it's just another relationship, that's not Fair and I wish it was ok to force them to be with you forever..

I'm so sorry

at least we can understand each other. i wish i could get help without everyone trying to minimize my struggles