How did you decide if you would live or die?

[1up]

I am conflicted. On one hand, everything is misery, and I'm tired. On the other hand, I have a survival instinct and some desire to live purely out of spite. I think my reasons to live aren't as rational as my reasons to die, but I can't tell if I am approaching this logically

 

[Darkover]

my quality of life decided for me that it isn't worth living

 

[nihilistic_dragon]

Idk, I just remember I was sitting one day bawling my eyes out. And it dawned on me that I am dead already, have been dead for some time, and that all that remains for me to do if to find a way to dispose of this body I am in.

 

[FuneralCry]

Personally I'd always prefer to not exist, I never should have suffered in this existence and wish I never existed more than anything, non-existence truly is all that's desirable to me as after all if I'm dead I cannot suffer and all is finally forgotten about for me, I find it such a cruel, futile burden to be conscious and have to experience anything at all in this existence I always saw as so unnecessary in the first place.

What I ultimately have a problem with is existence itself, to me existence truly does feel like the most terrible mistake and I'd prefer to painlessly die than prolong all the suffering in an existence I never would have chose just to face the torture of old age. Personally I find it terrifying how a human can suffer for so long and I just have no interest in suffering in general, I wish I could just die in peace and forget about it all, I'd be long gone if I had the option to just painlessly free myself from this existence I saw as causing nothing but harm with no limit as to how much one can suffer.

 

[divinemistress87]

After trying all treatments available. I realized Im stuck with being severely mentally ill for life and refuse to live the rest of my life this way

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I have thousands of reasons to escape the evil the prison called life.

Just some general to all sentient animals.

I don't see any objective reason why I have to live one more minute or to have to want to live or to do anything.

Life is meaningless. Nothing matters.

The only thing that matters to me is avoiding unending constant unbearable pain then avoiding all other pain, suffering, problems.

Non-existence forever is the only guarantee of avoiding extreme suffering and unbearable pain

Why do I have to work 15 hours a day a job chores for no reason only to exist under threat of extreme torture?

 

[ScaredOfMachines]

If you're conflicted, you can always wait a bit to try and sort things out. For me, it was just the little things piling up on me. Now I don't have much left, and I don't really see the point in going on with my life anymore.

 

[Unleashtherain]

Treatment for my mental ailments have just made me worse. Now I also deal with debilitating physical ailments. It's impossible for me to "get better". Damage is done. I really wanted a chance to just be ok.