How can people have friendships/relationships and want to CTB

[Tyra]

I have no friends. I don't talk to anyone. I barely talk to my family, mostly just "Good" "Yeah" "No" and they don't even notice. They talk a lot.

I think I'm lucky I don't have any friendships/relationship.
1. There's less people I'll hurt when I CTB
2. They make it harder to commit to CTB
3. It's work to maintain it
4. It's always conditional

I guess everyone's different tho. I feel like I'm probably like this because I'm neurodivergent.

I still can't imagine ever wanting to CTB if there's people who care about me. And yeah my family cares about me, but that is not something I can control. I didn't chose for them to be in my life.

 

[happysunnydayy]

Ive a sister who loves me and understands me but I wanna die every second of my day.

 

[Tyra]

Ive a sister who loves me and understands me but I wanna die every second of my day.

Family doesn't count because we can't chose wether to keep family in our life or not. I also have a sibling who loves me.

 

[happysunnydayy]

Family doesn't count because we can't chose wether to keep family in our life or not. I also have a sibling who loves me.

Why's family love not enough ?

 

[SchizoPolyGymnast]

It's possible to be surrounded by people who love you, and yet still feel as though they never met the real you. Or that your connection to them is surface level.

 

[ilovecats1]

i have a lot of friends and two sisters that i live together with that love me and it makes it so much harder for me. i wish people just didnt care about me i dont even understand how they do i literally dont deserve it. i still think about ctb constantly but i couldnt get my sn package because i was scared my sisters would find out before i could attempt.

 

[Tyra]

Why's family love not enough ?

That's not what I said. We don't chose our family and we can't really leave them in our life. It's difficult to leave them.

It's possible to be surrounded by people who love you, and yet still feel as though they never met the real you. Or that your connection to them is surface level.

But how can someone maintain a relationship/friendship during very bad depression.

 

[Charly]

That's not what I said. We don't chose our family and we can't really leave them in our life. It's difficult to leave them.

But how can someone maintain a relationship/friendship during very bad depression.

I have a relationship. He's been dealing with me everyday for more than an year daily with incredibly inspirational speeches and a profound love and understanding. I still desperately want to die.

 

[Tyra]

I have a relationship. He's been dealing with me everyday for more than an year daily with incredibly inspirational speeches and a profound love and understanding. I still desperately want to die.

So does that mean you don't love him that much?

 

[nayomi]

if you find no joy in life while everything supposed to be good it makes you feel really helpless. what can you do ? you have it all and it is all shit

 

[YourLocalEdgelord]

In my case, exterior circumstances are so frightening and unbearable that my loved ones (only two family members, but it's something) can't cheer me up no matter what. I'll never be able to work enough to make a living. Going to work and being among strangers is my personal hell. I'm a political target in more ways than one. And I'm sensitive to heat. Climate change is robbing the rest of what little remains of my energy. I have zero energy to do what I love, like art.

I was born to die. I never had a chance.

 

[interna]

But how can someone maintain a relationship/friendship during very bad depression.

suicidality is not always caused by depression, but that's besides the point.

people can mask. humans arent one-dimensional and can appear to be happy and functional while feeling like shit. depression also doesn't always come with anhedonia, so some people might still be able to feel joy or gain pleasure from maintaining those relationships.

it's wrong to try and chalk it up to one linear path of person gets depressed -> person feels no joy whatsoever -> person kills themselves, because thats only one experience. in reality, depressive disorders and suicidality in general are much, much more complicated

 

[littleswan18]

I have told multiple people close to me about my plan and my reasons why, and I am met with nothing. They expect me to help them through their very selfish and simple problems just because of my career in therapy. It is exhausting when I am not seen as a real person, even by my friends. I love my patients and people I am supporting through my job, though I am not mentally capable of dealing with my friends relying on me as their 24/7 therapist.
My plans to seriously CTB are known, they just don't care.

 

[ScaredPossum]

My family's pretty problematic, but I have friends, and I'm dating someone really sweet. However, all the ppl in my life can't compensate for my broken-ness. I don't think any amount of unconditional love can save me, but I try to stay for them, even if my psyche is falling apart.

 

[Iwashereonce]

Having one chronic pain condition is bad enough, but having multiple is like being tormented. There is so much suffering. I would never wish this on anybody.

 

[Tyra]

I have told multiple people close to me about my plan and my reasons why, and I am met with nothing. They expect me to help them through their very selfish and simple problems just because of my career in therapy. It is exhausting when I am not seen as a real person, even by my friends. I love my patients and people I am supporting through my job, though I am not mentally capable of dealing with my friends relying on me as their 24/7 therapist.
My plans to seriously CTB are known, they just don't care.

I'm sorry your going through that. I could never be a therapist. Hearing about all the stuff that happens to people… it's really a lot on you mentally.

How did you tell your friends about CTB? Because normally if you talk about CTB irl you get thrown in grippy sock jail.

 

[foreverandever]

For me, their love is suffocating and part of the problem. Which is a selfish thing to think, I know. I have a decent amount of friends, and my family cares about me deeply. I have a few very close friends who genuinely love me and want to help me.

I can't stand it. I wish they wouldn't waste their time and energy worrying about someone like me. Especially when I'm incapable of repaying them. I feel like a parasite who's only made it this far due to other's kindness and it sickens me. So, I feel like the only way to repay them is to end it all so they don't have to waste any more time on me.

All that being said, I genuinely hope you find some good friends that genuinely love you. They're the only reason I've made it this far myself. I hope all of you have a good day!

 

[valar_morghulis21]

I have no friends. I don't talk to anyone. I barely talk to my family, mostly just "Good" "Yeah" "No" and they don't even notice. They talk a lot.

I think I'm lucky I don't have any friendships/relationship.
1. There's less people I'll hurt when I CTB
2. They make it harder to commit to CTB
3. It's work to maintain it
4. It's always conditional

I guess everyone's different tho. I feel like I'm probably like this because I'm neurodivergent.

I still can't imagine ever wanting to CTB if there's people who care about me. And yeah my family cares about me, but that is not something I can control. I didn't chose for them to be in my life.

Love my mom down but I'm still suicidal. I guess people have their own demons to battle. Sure external factors play a big part, but not entirely.

 

[locallyringedspace]

I have no friends. I don't talk to anyone. I barely talk to my family, mostly just "Good" "Yeah" "No" and they don't even notice. They talk a lot.

I think I'm lucky I don't have any friendships/relationship.
1. There's less people I'll hurt when I CTB
2. They make it harder to commit to CTB
3. It's work to maintain it
4. It's always conditional

I guess everyone's different tho. I feel like I'm probably like this because I'm neurodivergent.

I still can't imagine ever wanting to CTB if there's people who care about me. And yeah my family cares about me, but that is not something I can control. I didn't chose for them to be in my life.

I've got a boyfriend and friends who love me but that doesn't undo what happened to me or fix what's wrong with me :( love can only do so much

 

[bound]

tbh i think i'm able to do it because i don't really care about any of the current relationships i have?
like i've friends and family but how i see it is it's my life so i'll do what i want with it :'0
and i'll be dead so no feeling guilty over whatever they feel

 

[sixthgun]

I have a couple of friends who I do care about, but I've always held the belief that you shouldn't live for anyone else. I won't stick around in a world that hates me just so the people around me aren't upset at my death. As grim as it sounds, they'll get over it.