Venting How can i survive ?

[AntisocialGG]

Today i missed the appointment with my therapist/psychologist because i couldn't sleep last night, and felt down the whole day, i had a hard time being normal around people but i didn't go to class, stayed with a friend that studies other thing so all the people i was with don't know me that much, they just probably thought in weird or something like that. And also i have to reconsider my ethics and morals to be a healthy member of society. It sounds like a lot and i honestly don't know if it's worth it. Tomorrow i will probably see the friend i manipulated and they asked me to not talk to them in uni, so i wont, i want to see their reaction tho, even tho they might try to avoid it. I'm just having a hard time not trying to CTB every night. I've been told my method is bullshit and now i feel lost, i want to live (my way) but at the same time i don't want to (the repercussions of my actions), seems like a childish thought, but im
being honest, i just don't want to be here, if i'm here, why do i have to be nice ? i'm worthless anyway, i'll just lower my value.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you feel disconnected from your environment and would like a different environment so you could feel better. It may be that you could create a small peripheral environment around some activity you can control. For example, if you were to dabble with something like tennis or something artistic like music, painting,,writing, etc., you might find an environment you can have greater control over and make it a refuge from a world that you have to endure.