Venting How can a person live without love?

[Alo97]

Emotional abuse is just as bad as physical, so I am really really sorry. And yeah, to be honest I don't think I'll ever trust a guy again It's awful because I have so much love and care to give, but people are abusing it and playing with it. Sometimes I feel like I am made from glass or something, and these dudes have no problem throwing me around like there's no tomorrow. I don't understand why they don't want to be loved and looked after. I just don't understand people in general.
How could you ever love yourself when all you've ever heard in your lifetime was "You're ugly, x and y is so much better than you, stop being so sensitive, stop being so emotional, stop wearing this, stop acting like this, you should go and do this, you should start eating this, why are you eating, why are you here, ugly fat bitch kill yourself, your father and I would be better off without you, stop this, stop that, why are you like this, why don't you shut up" etc... How can someone love themselves? I don't get it.

ok what you write must have been hard and sounds brutal If you want to feel it then you have to trust someone. No one can guarantee that a person is trustworthy, but generalizing all guys won't help because it's not true that everyone is like that. if that's where you see your happiness and that's what you need, then you need to trust. your parents and those guys hurt you a lot, but that doesn't mean they're right. what's important is what you think of yourself. you know you're a good person, but you still listen to what they told you. you need to work through it, because they're wrong!
you don't have to love yourself right away. You need to accept yourself and not take their words personally. accept as you are now. Make peace with yourself in this moment, without fixing anything.
If you accept yourself then these words do not hurt you, because your opinion of yourself will be most important to you. and of course there will be moments when your self-esteem will be disturbed, but it will be easy for you to realize that it is not true or that it is true and you need to change it. remember that you are important for all of us here, we are going through similar things and we believe that you will meet someone who deserves you. you can always speak up, here no one wants to hurt you.

 

[CallmeWill4719]

oh I wanted to add, ever since adulthood, I have noticed so many people just have no problem taking out their trauma on someone else. So many adults need so much therapy it is actually insane. Clown world sometimes. I still hear the insults in my head from people who haven't seen me in years. I just relate to hard to that.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

This advice is coming from a 62 year old woman who has been married and divorced more than once, mostly because I didn't wait long enough before truly knowing if we had a shared vision for long term.

I'm from a completely different generation where people met in school, at work, at social events, hobby clubs, church/temple, at cafes and airports, through family or friends (etc), through volunteer gigs.

I also had highly dysfunctional parents. My dad married 5 times, my mom married 3 times so grew up in ever-changing blended families...a revolving door of step-siblings and step-parents, etc.-

My mom suicided by gun when I was 28 after the failure of her 3rd marriage.

The majority of my gal pals from school days (middle/high school) are divorced and long single. Some now have grown kids and grandkids. When I was 21, I decided to not have children and had a sterilization procedure. The folks I know who are long term happily (or content-enough) married are few and rare.
Most of us have had a revolving door of lovers that last a few years and then vanish. This seems to be the norm. The most content folks I know are single women with decent jobs or soon-retiring ...with pets. Pets only break your heart when they die. I don't have pets because I don't want the responsibility but my friends with cats and dogs have lots of love and not a lot of human drama. Even my single guy friends with pets feel they are better off single than without the constant drama of a lover/partner.

As of the end of 2024, I have not been involved in any kind of romantic situationship since 2018. Lovers and "partners" come and go. Literally.

I have friends now since elementary, middle and high school ---meaning some of these friends I've known for more than 50 years. Many around 40-45 years. Lots for 20 years from former jobs. This is the love that lasts. It's not tainted by sexual or romantic drama or unrealistic expectations. True friendships. I don't live in the same city where I grew up any more but I see these folks when/if I travel back home and we talk on the phone or on video chat. We don't just text. We face-to-face or voice-to-voice.

I want to encourage you to find activities including volunteering in your community outside of school/work where you meet folks w/similar interests. It's here you will start to cultivate friendships that can last a lifetime. So cultivate some IN PERSON deep friendships with people in your own age range, with similar interests, also single, and form IN REAL LIFE community. Online is too sketchy and full of predatorial liars.

We are brainwashed since childhood with this "happily ever after" bullshyt. TV and movies and music (etc) and we're all looking for this magical love-thing that lasts. But it's really elusive. The best way to hold out and look for it is right where you live with real people who are accessible in person for coffee, lunch, walks, hang outs, etc....

Love requires TRUST and TRUST requires TIME and shared experiences, shared values, shared goals. I hope you find some friends who can develop long term love with. This love can last.

I just want to say, this is truly a well written post. And Aurora, I am so very sorry to hear about your mother.
I just feel the need to send you Love.

I don't need love from any human not even from myself. the reasons i post here is mainly for suicide methods info. also to validate some ideas to help me defeat si. i don't post for personal validation.

pthnrdnojvsc…. Sending you Love anyway.

 

[AuroraB]

I just want to say, this is truly a well written post. And Aurora, I am so very sorry to hear about your mother.
I just feel the need to send you Love.

pthnrdnojvsc…. Sending you Love anyway.

4everHeartBroken, this is so sweet. Thank you. xo