vinicuit
vini
- Mar 1, 2026
- 38
I sniff through my memories, looking for remembering, trying to feel loved again. I lean on the shadows of a lost sensation. A sentiment already gone. I try to grope, come back in time. Is not enough.
Sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to love someone as i already did. I wonder if i will ever let me have true intimacy with someone else. Since i can remember, i only hide. I created a barrier around my feelings, my vulnerability, my voice, my body, mu laugh, my needs, my morals, my happiness, my depression, my anxiety, my skin and heart. Everything i am today, i built into a persona. No one has ever seen my soul. I have hidden behind a human veil. I live, eat, drink, sleep -- al inside my veil. I repress my truth and make myself belive i am this veil.
In the end, i always remember what i actually am; i meet the man i am behind the veil. And when that happens, i panick. As if my skin is being ripped of my body and expused my meat. As if i am burning alive. I remember the monster that lives inside my skin. My voice doesn't belong to me. My hand doesn't belong to me. My touch doesn't belong to me. And after all, i try to lean on what remains of a memory; the days where i once was loved.
No one has truly seen what's behind the veil. They probably know, but somehow are afraid of what they can find. They don't want to truly know me, and I don't want them to. The veil protectes me from my life. ButI still wonder, if they would still love me if they find.
Sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to love someone as i already did. I wonder if i will ever let me have true intimacy with someone else. Since i can remember, i only hide. I created a barrier around my feelings, my vulnerability, my voice, my body, mu laugh, my needs, my morals, my happiness, my depression, my anxiety, my skin and heart. Everything i am today, i built into a persona. No one has ever seen my soul. I have hidden behind a human veil. I live, eat, drink, sleep -- al inside my veil. I repress my truth and make myself belive i am this veil.
In the end, i always remember what i actually am; i meet the man i am behind the veil. And when that happens, i panick. As if my skin is being ripped of my body and expused my meat. As if i am burning alive. I remember the monster that lives inside my skin. My voice doesn't belong to me. My hand doesn't belong to me. My touch doesn't belong to me. And after all, i try to lean on what remains of a memory; the days where i once was loved.
No one has truly seen what's behind the veil. They probably know, but somehow are afraid of what they can find. They don't want to truly know me, and I don't want them to. The veil protectes me from my life. ButI still wonder, if they would still love me if they find.
