How are you today?

[outrider567]

Just awful--had nightmares last night only to wake up to a worse reality--In other words, a typical morning

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Every day torturous

 

[emgrl]

It's my ex's birthday. And that probably doesn't sound like a monumental event. But it's the first birthday in ten years I haven't spent with them and this was my best friend for two decades. This is was my world. We won't be spending this day together but I had taken the day off work in advance. I can't really be around anyone else. I feel like I have a big hole in my chest. I had planned to take myself to a few of our favorite places and celebrate the life and loss of this person. But it's cold and rainy and I think I'll lie in bed to cry and convulse alone. I just... I really have considered bumping up my exit to today. Dying on their birthday would destroy them so I'm pushing through the urge to leave. But I'm most certainly unwell today. I reckon I'll be in this space for a considerable amount of the day.

Oh man, I'm so sorry hun. If you want to talk, I'm here for you. It's rainy by me, too… anything else you can do today, watch some movies you both watched together to reminisce?

You're not alone hun ♡

Just awful--had nightmares last night only to wake up to a worse reality--In other words, a typical morning

That's the worst. I don't even sleep well anymore, than I wake up and realize my reality all over again. This is excruciatingly painful, and like you said, "a typical morning" at this point…

 

[Hope:-)]

I had a pretty good day. I'm not too stressed about my attempt. I see other people be brave on here and I can try and do the same. All in all, I'm ok. Trying to be grateful for life strange though that may sound xx

 

[Minibosterita]

I'm okay today. Not great obviously, but I guess running errands all day and keeping busy has helped.

 

[Hope:-)]

Actually woke up feeling good today. That never happens. I have been feeling a bit better since my medication was reduced but all that serves to highlight to me is how much medication has screwed my life up. But yeah, woke up feeling good. A strange but welcome thing x

 

[Hope:-)]

Doing ok all things considered. Bit nervous about my plans but that's ok. 6 days until attempting. Keeping my head up. I'll be so proud if I manage to go through with it.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Now I'm ok as well I guess. At night I'm starting to feel better. The mornings are awful

 

[Hirokami]

An odd mix between anxious and dead inside.

 

[Hope:-)]

4 days until attempting the attempt. Mostly feel numb. Feeling a little angry too that I'm about to go through this...who knows if I'll do it though. Hope everyone's doing okish today. X

Edit: Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm mostly doing ok though today.lol.

 

[On Replay]

I am drunk today. Wait no, not quite yet. But I will be. I miss J , he was an absolute mean abusive manipulative fuck. But you know what, he was at least there . Not in the best way and he frustrated me almost everyday but he was there.

He even pretended enough to the point I believed it and was stuck in it ! Very convincing

And if I didn't get so frustrated or stand up for myself then I'd still have him in my life. I wish I still had him in my life , I wish I ignored the bad stuff and just focused on the comfort he gave.
Maybe I could've figured out how to be right so that we had no problems. I'll never know now

Mmmm im still alive today. That's my final answer

 

[Sad_Sack]

How are you today? :-) I'm having a bit of a scaredy (a word??) day but I refuse to give into it. I think this is one of those things where you just have to decide to be strong. How are you guys?

Sorry you are have such a day. I'm also doing shitty.

 

[sevenkarmas]

Today was worse than yesterday. My oldest told me today that they don't want to communicate with me anymore because while I was a good provider, I stopped being a good father. nevermind that I work 70 hours a week, still made time to go to all the games, plays, teacher's conferences, etc. Nevermind I just paid over 25k for her wedding. I'm completely lost. I came home last week and a process server served me papers for dissolution of marriage. My wife of over 25 years decided she wanted to move back to be with her family, even though she dragged me cross country to be here. Talked me into buying a large house (that's now empty), and basically trapped because of the current housing market. I have no friends or family for at least 1500 miles. I just want it to end.

 

[patpat]

I'm terribly sad today but also sorta at peace. My heart aches. I'm so foolish.

 

[PJS1995]

Honestly I just want to die. I just joined this site and I'm really thinking about partial hanging. My brother died last year, so I feel really bad for my mom if I decide to go through with it. I'm 38 and I just can't do it anymore. I just don't have the will to live anymore. I have no social life, and every day is such a struggle

 

[Sick of it all]

Terrible. That is all.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Do benzos really help a lot with SI? I don't have hope left for this life. It's a miserable existence.

 

[Hope:-)]

Literally terrified. I'm now in the house I will be attempting. I'm having to keep up appearances with my dad and his wife. I was thinking how I wish there was a way my dad or someone could support me in actually dying...but I have a feeling that's not going to happen somehow. I wish it could though. It's awful because we're all together on this forum yet so alone.

 

[U. A.]

God there are too many people here I wish I could console and respond to, but the recency of @Hope:-) and @sevenkarmas...I am so sorry for you both.

My today has been awful. The worst in a while. After a brief walk I've been in my room, sleeping on and off, and even cried a fraction of what I wish I could let out because I share a century home with three other emotionally uninvested males who don't seem to have any skills and/or interest in mutual emotional support. Not that I could afford it at this point, but for years I never wanted to live alone because of how isolating it is, but I now feel it's worse to be suffering like this in the midst of others. I can't let out what's inside. I can't get support when it is at times in arm's reach. Physical contact and reassurance from other humans is right in front of me, yet light years away. No animals either because one of them has allergies. Most every night I want to die in my sleep, usually when I have to face the abyss of going to bed and realise there is nothing in the coming day that I wish I would wake up for...but on bad days I wish I were struck down at any moment.

 

[lifeORdeath]

On SaSu, enuff said I guess

 

[IntoTheLight]

A bit better today. Cried a lot which is a change from the previous numbness I've been experiencing. After being entirely hopeless for months a glimmer of hope came back today. But after so much self-destruction it's entirely overwhelming to think about where to even start if I'd wanted to build things back up.

 

[lionetta12]

Feeling insane amount of guilt for trying to put down boundaries in my family. Letting them know for the 14th time in a year that I want to be left alone or else they push a lot of my flashbacks to appear and that again pushes me to CTB because of how horrible it is to live with. Mom didn't take it well.

 

[crimson blue]

tired and sad

 

[Hope:-)]

Scared but peaceful

 

[Idontmatter]

How do i feel today? I'm ready to finally die

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Hopeless and defeated.

 

[SamTam33]

I filled a foot tub with water. I read that you can dry drown or experience secondary drowning by inhaling water. It's a prolonged process over a couple of days. Also, water in the lungs can turn into pneumonia. You struggle to breathe and might eventually die if untreated.

I'm positive I can take 1 or 2 deep breaths of water as opposed to holding my breath under water until I blackout.

Anyway, to answer the question - today I'm feeling desperate. Shaky. Have a slight headache from all the booze I drink every night. Wishing I had a time machine.

 

[Thequietone]

This week I have holidays but had to clean my appartment and do other stuff. I feel really tired being an adult. And on the 11th of October it was supposed to be my last day. The week before I thought a lot about what to do and on that day I realized I'm not ready yet which now pisses me off a bit because I don't have the courage yet. My pills were expired so I bought new ones which will be good until 2025 : )

So I can do it any time and I hope my life fucks me more and more up so I will get crazy and do it.

I feel like being alive is a huge exhausting mistake and I don't like to live with myself anymore.

Just drank a beer and will listen to music to calm myself and I try to stop overthinking.

Thanks for asking : )

 

[lifeORdeath]

Back in SaSu. Nuff said again

 

[wanttodie]

sick of living