How are you REALLY doing right now?

[gr8976]

I feel like shit and I'm stuck with my parents. Nobody will help me. The only reason I've been staying around is for my ketamine treatments. They make me feel high and I love it. I wish I could use ketamine whenever I wanted. I'm getting to the point that all I ever think about is how everything would be better if I could stay high and never come down from it. I think after my last ketamine appointment I will end my life. I'm tired, I hate my life, I don't want to be transgender or disabled, and everyone makes it worse. Fuck this place.

 

[BlockHammer]

Feel like a looser, still financially dependent on my parents. Trying to apply for a job but most of them just blatantly ignored me

Try to study something that might be useful for the job i applied to but it would be pointless if there's nobody hired me/gave ma a change

 

[Regen]

Today I am on my way to get better. I hope I can hold on my hope. But inside me there is a very lonely and sad child. That hurts very much. So I am here, because I know there are people in pain too. There are people who understand. If you read this I send you the feeling of being loved as the person you are.

 

[BrokenBones]

Feeling like a burden, what with all of my health problems, my increasing mental instability and irrational anger. Ready to just ctb. Tried to find a buddy in the buddy threads but apparently I don't comment enough so I can't message anyone… can someone just tell me how much sodium nitrite to take. This forum was not nearly this hard to navigate when I joined in June…

 

[Darkover]

wish i was well again but that will never be the case i'm not doing to badly could be a lot worse

 

[suicidegirl71]

I am so done with this life, just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Can't afford to get my meds and have been off them two days. Been unemployed for 6 months and just don't want to go through the motions anymore.

 

[underscore_nine]

im scared im going to get better and lose motivation to CTB, im trying to make sure im in pain so i go through with it. i miss my friends but they're bad for me because they make me happy

 

[oddetoad]

Idk, just over all wird, lost, and empty! Just crossing my fingers that my benzoes arrive next week. So it's possible to leave! I am so ready to just leave right now!

Don't CTB with just benzoes.

OnT: I think I've finally gone insane

 

[Aim]

Don't CTB with just benzoes.

OnT: I think I've finally gone insane

Excuse this, but I don't think i 100% understand right now Do you mean sn with benzoes. Or you mean trying to ctb with benzoes?
I would never try to ctb with only benzoes, does that even work?

 

[ctvunny]

I just really want to die. Why is it so hard

 

[oddetoad]

I just really want to die. Why is it so hard

because your body wants to live

 

[Suspect_Device]

Somehow managed to gain five pounds this week. Bank account almost drained, not even counting the 10,000 dollar debt. My shoulder and neck hurt so fucking badly.

 

[mia_qwerty]

I feel rotten. Having a fuck off massive existential crisis. I'm suffering greatly. Also I barely sleep at night even though on meds. And that's fucking hard . Sorry for language

 

[zwillz]

Sometimes I just stand on top of this bridge on my way back from work over a freeway just to feel like I'm in control of something, like I know I can jump and just end it and that's what keeps me going, knowing at anytime there is a escape

 

[thgilrats]

not well. not bad. numb os the right word, i'd say.

 

[sadespair]

hopeless, all thorughout life. methophorically speaking got beaten up to a pulp and I with no support go on my feet via sheer strength to keep going. To think positive. To keep fighting. To keep living. Hasn't gotten any easier, its never been. Recently my life's taken drastic turn for the worse. At my wit's end. Now Im a walking zombie, with no purpose, no life. I just want to CTB. Preferably find others to do together IRL, go around in a circle and speak your last words, hold hands and face the unknown together.

 

[wiinterfrost]

i am... at peace somehow. yet so angry with fire. i used to be and now not here. wanting to kill myself so badly and loving life so intensely. it's all there yet no access. where does any of this go who decides and why is this the era
(no im not high i just cant talk right sometimes when it comes to certain thoughts)

 

[tronix]

Exactly three years ago I met someone who left me recently. But I feel... I don't know, better? Maybe just today. Maybe because my SN is already here and it gives me a sense of safety?
Still, I'm scared of the upcoming weekend. Weekends are the worse for me.

 

[Kit1]

Just so exhausted that even typing this and blinking feels painful.

 

[AlternativeBagel]

Being constantly pulled in completely opposite directions of being ok and hopeful/optimistic and down/suicidal. Could be absolutely fine one minute and down in the dumps the next. That alone is exhausting as hell and I just want it to end.