How are you REALLY doing right now?

[TapeMachine]

I feel like utter shit.

For the past several days, I've been getting a headache and feeling nauseated + sleepy every time I eat, regardless of what I eat.

I don't know wtf is going on...
Is it stress related?
Is it being caused by something wayward in my body?
Does it have anything to do with the weird lump I noticed in one of my breasts a couple months ago?

I just want to wake up and feel well enough to do something other than sit around or sleep.

 

[greebo6]

I feel and know I am just as ugly and lonely as ever right now.
But I also feel more hopeless than ever about everything ( I had to go somewhere/do something today and it made me realize/remember only too well how I can never be the person I want to be or ever have the things I'd like to have. Hurts so much) .
I don't think I have much time left now.

 

[viljalauss]

i had a mental health appointment today and told them i was pretty much fine at the moment. i wasn't trying to lie but i know now lying latent there is the intent i had on ctbing as soon as 24th october was over (or any point today, really) because i had to stick around for an event. now i am fully aimless. like i have no idea what to do with myself on the most fundamental level possible. and i also don't know what changed. it's not even like i wanna not ctb. i'm facing the exact same shit that drives me to want to ctb and yet i feel so.. inert. like genuinely what now.

not to mention i had what i think was a dissociative episode a few days ago after some weeks and it was particularly unpleasant; if i keep living i know it will not be the final one, not by any means. having to face what caused it again and again is arguably worse than the actual thing, but still. but i don't know. when i have those times of peak discomfort, i wish - pretty much plead - for rest, for safety in myself. when it's over, i look down over my suffering and see how trivial it is. and i don't even know if i fully want safety. part of me wants to go missing, or go isolate somewhere in the woods or near the water while no one's worried but no one looks for me. part of me wants to die in a place and time i am at relative peace, like this is my peace and all i have to do is make sure it is peace that is final.

i don't know. i feel weird. i feel wan, i feel willless. even if all i'm meant to do is continue living as normal, i feel like i have lost direction. and i know inevitably once some time passes i'll look back and regret not ctbing today. same for whatever next date, if any.

 

[Iris Blue]

I feel like my mind is having a trillion thoughts at once I'm trying to prepare for when I ctb but I don't have a certain method yet and I don't know how much longer I can take being alive so the pressure is on

 

[Cress]

More hopeless than I've ever been in a long time

 

[deathviahanging]

stressed but im also weirdly excited lol it's weird emotions are so weird and they're always changing it's never constant

 

[StaticCryBabye]

Alone and desperately looking for something new to enjoy.

 

[ApparentlyNot]

utterly broken. I want to leave tonight so badly, I have everything ready, but it is my sisters birthday and I feel like that would be rude.

 

[DyingToDie123]

I'm stuck in a DBT group (online) that I got forced into after my aborted ctb attempt. It's about "mindfulness" which I find boring and too woo-woo for me and it's making me feel like an outcast in the world. I think I'm the only one in the group who's here against my will.

 

[Kurai]

I feel hopeless and just want to end it all already

 

[suchaprettygard3n]

horrible really. im keeping it together in front of people irl. like my family, work friends, other friends etc). but im really doing absolutely horrible. i dont know why. i think maybe its because, i have a weird feeling that i cant really tell anyone ik irl about how im really doing mentaly. im drinking again. i thought i was past that honestly but i shouldnt be surprised. everytime i think its getting better, it just... doesnt. it never does. i dont think it ever will.

 

[Some place nice]

Lonely, lost, depressed. I went through my insta to see who still follows me, I was bored and stuck outside as my dad and his gf were doing you know what while I still had to hear (my headphone were inside and I didnt want to open the door). I saw an old "friends" account and I just wanted to cry. I miss her so fucking much but, she only used my kindness to get what she fucking wanted. Never texted me, would hang out with other people and post it on her insta when we were supposed to hang out! She, like the others, would fucking ignore me while I would cry, trying to ask them for fucking help with my mom. But they'd all drop everything for her bc she cut herself. Not to offend people who SH. That sounded bad but I didnt mean it like that. I wish I didn't have to still miss them, cus I fucking hate their guts for the mental abuse and physical abuse they put me through.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I feel utterly exhausted. I just want to collapse and give up.

 

[hermestrimegistus]

I like pretending I'm fine but I am very obviously not. Sometimes the truth slips out but mostly I just play the part of a clown and pretend I'm okay when I definitely am not

 

[SpencerSees]

Terrified as always.
Today though i'm feeling pretty dumb,fucked up an exam and i'm realizing i was never "gifted" or whatever. just autisic :/

 

[Alltheywanted]

I'm stressed that I'm not gonna meet the expectations of my band tomorrow. I was supposed to learn 3 songs but I'm tired as hell and it was hard for me to do so as i have no energy.

 

[princexhhn]

horrid. my physical health seems to be deteriorating ive noticed, and i suspect ive got a problem with my heart. its always aching and hurting for no reason. might get it checked out soon. my body also seems to be rejecting whatever food i try to eat. whenever i get myself to take a bite i always have to rush to the bathroom to throw up. feels like shit, really hope i can get it checked out soon cause it is causing me a good amount of pain. ive also been alone most of the day, so not much to distract from the pain. sucks ass. wish my previous ctb attempt was successful. i need a drink.

 

[venomousSSërpent74]

Im tired and going crazy

 

[SafferGuy]

I'm not doing so great right now... Blown off work for the whole week, just can't find any motivation to do anything

 

[PairOfAirJordan1’s]

Super relatable on the autism thing

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I am the worst Ive ever been. Should be in a mental ward but not even that could help me

 

[SpaxeZ]

In shock of how I fkd up what could have been a perfect life

 

[GlutenFreeCat]

I want to expedite mt ctb date

 

[greebo6]

Not too good. Much to cope with right now. Weighing heavy on my shoulders.

 

[Kit1]

Really ill and tired. Took an overdose yesterday and suffering the effects still. Also have a cold and in agony. Temperature. I emailed my therapist (did not disclose about overdose) and not sure why I did it.

 

[Soc]

I'm feeling just low and like I want to isolate. I've been anxious for months but now this is coming to a more controlled decision that I need to set a date to CTB. I'm feeling a little better with that in mind that I can back outta life and just move on with whatever come next (if anything even does come next) Found being round people harder than it has been for me normally. Felt like I was just talking to others because I had to. I am just lost what I can do till I can find a good situation to CTB.

 

[SoulWhisperer]

I'm feeling tired physically, little pain and I'm quite scared for next week's events. Bad luck got to me all of a a sudden so I'm left with praying for nothing worse to happen, sheesh...

 

[girlsboysthems]

tired, been crying past few hours i hope i calm down during the night

 

[Aim]

Idk, just over all wird, lost, and empty! Just crossing my fingers that my benzoes arrive next week. So it's possible to leave! I am so ready to just leave right now!

 

[Centraloze]

Feeling better lately more than I have the whole year, maybe even few years. But the reality of my situation hasn't changed. I think I'd prefer to go out feeling some contentment, having made some peace. Still some time left, plenty of shit to deal with till then.