How are you REALLY doing right now?

[idkwhoIam]

I feel pretty dysmorphic right now honestly. I want to wear a dress to Homecoming but know that I could never pull it off and everyone would just assume it was a joke.

Also I'm upset with how I haven't been gaining weight because I feel like such an unhealthy person, cutting my arm and weighing 117 (pounds) and all. But then of course I can't get the motivation to actually eat anything and have been having so many more 1-0 meal days recently.

I just feel like all of my problems were my fault and if only I had any confidence I could actually solve them. But instead I'll just complain anonymously and hope that somehow this changes anything and that I'm not just the reason for all of my failures and that I would be better off dead and that no one would even notice and that I could change everything if I tried and it is all my fault and I'm just a hypocritical stupid middle class boy who doesn't even understand what it really means to struggle and is crying over her own stupid "mental issues" like shut up you idiot boy go sit down and stop complaining to people who have it much worse off than you do. Just because you admit that it's your fault and no big deal doesn't make you any less of a hypocritic moron you cis man, fuck you.

 

[daft]

Dragging my feet trying to stay afloat as a functional adult by starting ANOTHER new job tomorrow. I'm empty, hopeless and extremely pessimistic about the next few months, and partly hoping the new job is bad enough to make me want to give up sooner rather than later.

Nothing really brings joy anymore. Everything is absolutely meh. I can't listen to music, or watch shows, or play games - nothing actually feels worth the candle. Extreme apathy.

 

[Allaboutit]

I'm not seeing a way that life will ever be the same again. And I'm unsure if life as it is currently, will be enough

 

[saddavyd]

Groundhog Day. I am wishing I could go back in time and just don't want to be here. I crave every moment of sleep and suffer emotional pain nearly all day, with just a calming of feelings into the evening (I'm assuming by then I'm chemically exhausted).

I have the mindset of an old man with a progressive terminal illness who's tired of living and wants to go before it gets too bad.

Yes me too. All my life force has been used up!

 

[angel444]

i feel empty

 

[paska_paska]

Not well. I know that I'll have to CTB in a few weeks, and I feel so bad for leaving my significant other alone. I can't even begin to imagine how badly I'll hurt them, but I can't see myself living any longer. All I can think about is how my death will affect all those close to me. My death won't be peaceful, for I will be desperately sorry and in emotional anguish in my last moments.

 

[paintedbutterfly676]

I feel nothing. I am nothing.

 

[Ferret77]

my drug addict alcoholic bf cheated on me, is mentally and physically abusive, makes me feel like im less than worthless and resents me for getting sober and growing distant to help myself be better. i thought about ending it last night but that was a panic reaction to an asshole action he took and i dont have a method available to go out on that isnt really painful. part of me really still wants to go find rope tbh

I'm so sorry to hear that.... I've been abused too, it completely fucks you up mentally. If there is any way to leave your boyfriend, please do so.... There's always a way and it's better to be alone, than abused....Stay strong!

 

[sserafim]

Just in case anyone here would like to vent or share their point of view

I hate being an adult! I hate having to do stupid mundane things just to exist. I hate the mundaneness of existence. I hate the responsibilities that come with adulthood and life, and I wish that I could be free of them.

I hate that after college, we're expected to become wageslaves to capitalism and work for a living. I hate the idea that I'll have to be independent and on my own one day, and make my own living. I hate that I'll have to eventually become a capitalist wageslave and work for 40-60 years, and be stuck in the capitalist system and society. This actively makes me suicidal. To escape this, I will ctb before I'm forced to enter the workforce. I hate adulthood! I wish I could've been a kid forever and never grown up.

The thing I hate the most is being neurodivergent. I hate having Asperger's/autism, ADHD, and social anxiety. They literally create so many problems for me and make my life so miserable. It's like I can't even function as a real human being. I don't even feel fit to be one. I feel more like an alien.

I'm honestly just tired of existing. Living is a burden and a chore. I hate having to exist in the first place. I honestly wish that I could die in my sleep. I'm so exhausted, I wish I could sleep forever.

 

[LonelyKitten]

Feeling serene thinking about death.
I really want to escape my current situation permanently, and while I would prefer something else, it is better than no escape.
The thought of permanent relief is relaxing all the same.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Irritated, mostly conflicted and slightly angry.

 

[zaros]

ive been in a dissociative state for the past 2-3 months. i can't conversate or feel at all. i feel extremely disconnected from my body's thoughts and i have no sense of enjoyment or pleasure or fulfilment. i am by definition of the word existing. i'm not myself anymore

 

[girlwithflaxenhair0]

i'm not sure. tbh kind of okay but maybe i'm just numb. i'm really sad and anxious, but also not really? mostly just empty and hopeless rn. i wish i had someone to talk to, i'm feeling very lonely. i'm bored and nothing's fun, and i'm really scared that my best friend doesn't want to be my friend anymore, but i'm actually feeling pretty much nothing rn

 

[Ferret77]

I hate being an adult! I hate having to do stupid mundane things just to exist. I hate the mundaneness of existence. I hate the responsibilities that come with adulthood and life, and I wish that I could be free of them.

I hate that after college, we're expected to become wageslaves to capitalism and work for a living. I hate the idea that I'll have to be independent and on my own one day, and make my own living. I hate that I'll have to eventually become a capitalist wageslave and work for 40-60 years, and be stuck in the capitalist system and society. This actively makes me suicidal. To escape this, I will ctb before I'm forced to enter the workforce. I hate adulthood! I wish I could've been a kid forever and never grown up.

The thing I hate the most is being neurodivergent. I hate having Asperger's/autism, ADHD, and social anxiety. They literally create so many problems for me and make my life so miserable. It's like I can't even function as a real human being. I don't even feel fit to be one. I feel more like an alien.

I'm honestly just tired of existing. Living is a burden and a chore. I hate having to exist in the first place. I honestly wish that I could die in my sleep. I'm so exhausted, I wish I could sleep forever.

Fellow autistic/ADHD person with social anxiety and depression here! I hate how society was not made for us at all.....All my life, I tried to be "normal" and fit in, but even if I'm high-masking, everybody just thinks I'm a weirdo and that resulted into almost not having friends at all and struggling to find my place in society. Having a job is so hard, cause nobody understands, that I need more patience and explained task differently. Being an adult is so confusing, cause everyone expects so much from you and nobody has any empathy. I hate capitalism and all of the superficial material bullshit that's rigged anyway...

 

[BoyInTheBox]

Being in a coma would be really wonderful, so I ain't feeling that good lmfao

 

[Arachno]

Not too good, helpless, my life has been getting more stressful recently :/

 

[Ferret77]

i'm not sure. tbh kind of okay but maybe i'm just numb. i'm really sad and anxious, but also not really? mostly just empty and hopeless rn. i wish i had someone to talk to, i'm feeling very lonely. i'm bored and nothing's fun, and i'm really scared that my best friend doesn't want to be my friend anymore, but i'm actually feeling pretty much nothing rn

Yeah....Everyday is literally the same. I have nobody to talk to either. I don't know which is worse....To feel everything so much at once or to feel so numb, you're not even sure if you're real....I feel so alone, even though I'm surrounded by people and I'm struggling, cause I don't know what to do with my life...
Thanks for sharing. And if you want to talk to someone, you can message me...

Feeling serene thinking about death.
I really want to escape my current situation permanently, and while I would prefer something else, it is better than no escape.
The thought of permanent relief is relaxing all the same.

I hope you find what you're looking for, whatever you decide to do~

 

[wait.what]

Thanks for asking, @Ferret77. It's sweet of you.

This is my 19th day of covid … I can't seem to shake it and it sucks. I'm pretty clearly not going to die from it, which is fine, suicidal urges notwithstanding. Covid is a nasty way to go … drowning on dry land. I'd rather not, really. The required isolation and general boredom is bad enough.

 

[Suspect_Device]

Woke up with my vision blurry and with a headache, plus a deep ache in my neck and shoulder that runs down into my hand. I lay in bed just now fantasizing about suicide and had a nice cry. Really fucking tired I am imploding and breaking down into a viscous pain slime.

 

[that_guy2611]

bad as fuck

 

[Alexandra0]

All my life, things are just as bad as they can be

 

[octopusinu]

not really sad per se but absolutely numb with a barely functioning brain, have no motivation and have no feelings of urgency. I know I should start studying and catch up on my schoolwork, I even have a midterm today, I know failing is gonna be nasty and I barely know the material, but I just don't feel the urgency at all and can't even make myself do last minute studying if I wanted to. Ah the good old days when I actually tried hard in academics and got good grades uu. Body has also been aching for months without medical attention so thats a plus.

 

[kilowatt]

I can't stop thinking about anything but my CTB plan. Overwhelmed I could say, but at peace I'll have things to leave behind.

 

[sserafim]

Being in a coma would be really wonderful, so I ain't feeling that good lmfao

Same! I wish I could enter a coma to escape all of my worries and troubles (especially my future). I wish I could finally have a rest and break from life. Existing is exhausting

 

[AlouA]

Just in case anyone here would like to vent or share their point of view

I feel useless... Been detaching myself from school lately.. I'm a senior high school student (this yr is my last) so things are surely hectic but i got to a point where I don't really care but i feel guilty when I'm like this especially when my parents are doing their best to understand and help me... There's more to it but this is all for now

 

[EXPUNGED]

I'm doing awful. yesterday I caught my boyfriend snooping through my computer and I don't know what to do. when I asked him what he was doing he lied straight to my face, haha

I struggle with paranoia and I'm constantly afraid of him cheating for no reason, but I've NEVER gone through any of his things, even when he's offered to let me. I feel so disrespected and the disgust is so potent I've been nauseous since it happened. I'm so tired.

 

[jbear824]

I want to die. I don't want anymore suffering.

 

[asian.neet]

Got out of psych ward I wish I died before I was sent this time

 

[abl2023]

Angry, lonely and I don't want to do anything about it. Just ready to go.

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Vibratory. My whole insides are shaking with anxiety all the time. I hold on to false hope that gets crushed everyday.