Venting I want to kill myself, but I feel distress when my friends put themselves in danger

[Chuunibyou]

just venting my hypocrisy that I view suicide as a value-neutral choice someone can make, and I want to die, and I think if I ever made that decision for myself it'd be fine, maybe even good.

but whenever my friends get seriously hurt (even if it's not a purposeful attempt) it really gets to me. I get angry at them for valuing their lives so little, and I'm afraid of them actually dying. if one of them killed themselves, I would be heartbroken.

morally I couldn't fault any of them for suicidal behavior, but emotionally I do.

this is mostly just a vent, but if anyone else can relate I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts.

 

[ma0]

Tbh I think that's just natural impulse and instinct more than anything. We're hardwired as people to care about others, even if we don't care about ourselves.

I know I've had issues before with thinking to much about others, to my own detriment sometimes, but what can ya do? It's literally hardwired :P

Point is, don't overthink it. It's baked into our minds, you couldn't stop feeling this about others if you tried.

 

[Chuunibyou]

Tbh I think that's just natural impulse and instinct more than anything. We're hardwired as people to care about others, even if we don't care about ourselves.

I know I've had issues before with thinking to much about others, to my own detriment sometimes, but what can ya do? It's literally hardwired :P

yes I agree / think this is fair. I just wish it were easier sometimes :'-|

someone I care about is in the ER today, which was what prompted this post unfortunately

 

[bl33ding_heart]

just venting my hypocrisy that I view suicide as a value-neutral choice someone can make, and I want to die, and I think if I ever made that decision for myself it'd be fine, maybe even good.

but whenever my friends get seriously hurt (even if it's not a purposeful attempt) it really gets to me. I get angry at them for valuing their lives so little, and I'm afraid of them actually dying. if one of them killed themselves, I would be heartbroken.

morally I couldn't fault any of them for suicidal behavior, but emotionally I do.

this is mostly just a vent, but if anyone else can relate I wouldn't mind hearing your thoughts.

I feel this so deeply. I'm ok with killing myself but when friends have talked about it/attempted I tried to find solutions for them that could possibly better their lives and try to do what I can to increase their will to live. You're just a very empathetic person and you have a good heart.

 

[bankai]

Nice username OP.

Your friends are lucky to have you. Are any of them suicidal? Do they know that you are?

 

[skybox]

Two of my long time internet friends are passively suicidal like me, it makes my stomach hurt at the thought of losing either of them. They've both attempted some years back and so have I. Can't help but care about those around you.

 

[Chuunibyou]

Nice username OP.

Your friends are lucky to have you. Are any of them suicidal? Do they know that you are?

thank you

they are, I've always had a tendency to hang around the kind of people who are in and out of the hospital and making attempts. I'm not sure they know I'm suicidal though. I'm good at masking it, and haven't made a genuine attempt in years. and when I did make attempts, I would just go back to "normal" life when it failed. my friends must know I have mental problems, but I'd be surprised if they knew the full extent. idk why I'm so private about it when they'd understand, at least to an extent. but that's how it is