how are you doing right now?

[F@#$]

Miserable

 

[Unattainable666]

Let's put it this way I work on the 14th floor - if I could get the window open I would

 

[FuneralCry]

Just tired of existing and thinking about how ideal it'd be to fall into an eternal and dreamless sleep where all is forgotten about. Ceasing to exist is all that comforts me as it's the ending to all suffering, I see death as a positive thing as I believe it to simply be nothingness.

 

[kane9191kosugi]

God awful.

I just wish I could vanish from this planet without even realizing it lol. I'm in my 20's and I'm already sick and tired of this shitshow.

 

[mysadstuff]

absolutely horrid, i cant believe this is my real life, its fucking sickening

 

[lightnings]

Like the previous day, in a limbo sliding in the hell multiple times with no hope for a normal life at the end of the tunnel

 

[hopelessoceanic25]

Spiraling as usual.

 

[Jinxyxx]

So fucking depressed

 

[Broken-Lost]

Terrible. I think I have a method decided upon but I will leave behind a young child (doesn't live with me). I keep telling myself it will be easier when she's young.

 

[Unattainable666]

I wish someone would kill me

 

[Darkover]

bored shitless

 

[Kit1]

I need to stay alive for my children. But right now I want to be dead. I don't know whether I can make it tonight or tomorrow or this week. Let me try and survive tonight. But I would rather be in Beachy Head - at the bottom. Or at the bottom of the mountain. Just want to die. I cannot do this anymore. Hell I cannot go either. Feel so stuck. Perhaps they will be better off without me. But they love me, trust me, close to me and turn to me for support and I cannot leave them to face the world without me being there for them. My past, the flashbacks are too intense and I cannot cope with it. Went to therapy today and found out that I sent my therapist an email yesterday - but I don't recognise part of the email as my style of writting and it talks about a little girl and some awful experiences - clearly I have emailed partly dissociated and now I am desperately trying to remember what happened in therapy and I cannot remember the end and I got lost coming home. Death looks like a good friend offering me protection. But my main priority and duty is to my children. Let us hope that I survive this.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Right now I do not feel anything. My mind is tortured by a wide range of things while i'm apathetic.
Also see a psychiatrist and therapist today who let me a bitter aftertaste and a strange feeling of discomfort in my chest.
He talk to me as if he know better than me what is good for me and what i should do. he was also simulating his reactions a lot and asking a lot of unrelated question without waiting that i finish to respond one of them. i left worse than i was before.

 

[Kit1]

Right now I do not feel anything. My mind is tortured by a wide range of things while i'm apathetic.
Also see a psychiatrist and therapist today who let me a bitter aftertaste and a strange feeling of discomfort in my chest.
He talk to me as if he know better than me what is good for me and what i should do. he was also simulating his reactions a lot and asking a lot of unrelated question without waiting that i finish to respond one of them. i left worse than i was before.

I am so sorry. These professionals - some of these so called 'caring professoonals/medics' just don't get how much we are suffering and don't give a damn and end up abusing us by treating us badly. I am sorry that you feel worse than before you went in.

I hope you have someone decent who can help you, care for you and look after you next time you try and engage with a medic.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I am so sorry. These professionals - some of these so called 'caring professoonals/medics' just don't get how much we are suffering and don't give a damn and end up abusing us by treating us badly. I am sorry that you feel worse than before you went in.

I hope you have someone decent who can help you, care for you and look after you next time you try and engage with a medic.

thank you for the words! I do not think anybody can help me at this point, i just went there to please my mother who is worrying a lot but i never expected to be help. I reach a point where nothing interest me anymore and all the problems i have internally and externally are a way out of my control so no therapist can fix anything of them. also, I'm sorry for your situation and hope that it will improve a bit. I'm also stuck because of my family that i do not want to make suffer ( parents ). I'm kinda suffering for them in the nothingness of my meaningless and hellish existence.

 

[Maplethemorbid]

I recently cut off a "friend" or maybe they were actually a genuine friend? I'm not really sure but either way they're not allowed in my life anymore. Outside of that I haven't really been well.

 

[tidal1]

Someone needs to run me the fuck over asap

 

[tunnelV]

I haven't been this far gone in 5 years. And it's not because I'm being left alone enough. I need isolation but I can't afford it.

 

[starrchaoz]

I'm feeling terrible. I'm ready to CTB but I'm waiting till after the holiday season because I don't want to ruin everything for my family.

 

[NeedAnEscape]

I feel so exhausted. I'm on the verge of falling asleep as I write this. But, I know that I have so much left to do before I can even think about drifting off. I'm so stressed all of the time, and I struggle to handle my problems logically. I can barely process the world around me, and all I want to do is collapse.

 

[kilowatt]

Overall? Honestly worse than ever. I never thought I could actually be driven to insanity before I CTB. I'm going through a really tough time because I failed my recent attempt and I feel lonelier than ever.

 

[flowers in the mist]

pretty bad right now, heartbroken and my mind is everywhere, not the easiest to deal with.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

Distressed more than usual, and filled with anxiety to the point that it is almost nauseating. My reasons for currently feeling this way are not related to my reasons for wanting to die, but they are starting to fuel my suicidal thoughts. I feel trapped.

 

[psp3000]

very bad but at least I have my non alcoholic beverages and pieces of media to distract myself every once in a while

along with people to relate to on this website and things to read from others here so I do not feel alone or unique in my experiences and feelings

 

[kamikaze_shark04]

Fucking horrible

 

[MarsProxy]

Every day I go without my partner in my life is another day I hate living.

 

[SanguineShark]

Suicidal, but more like, in a passive way I guess
My friends are very sweet and support me, but the anxiety and reality of my situation is hard to break through

 

[BlazingBob]

Lonely and full of anxiety. Lost.

 

[Unattainable666]

Much better. I have enough money for my cremation and a friend will spread my ashes for me. It's a go

 

[Kit1]

Dissociated. In pain - emotionally, physically, psychologically - yet numb as well. Just want to stay in this quiet space whilst my mind is raging with fear, anger, self hatred, shame - away from noise, light etc. Alone with my loneliness that feels like it is slowly sucking out my soul. Alive, but dead. Dead, but have to stay alive.