i havent been active here much at all, i mostly just lurk since im terrible at social connections but this is one of the only places i consider a safe space
ive completely fallen apart mentally at this point. im not really looking for reasons to live anymore, just forcing myself to until i can reliably do it.. not a single day goes by anymore that i dont contemplate ending my life, it's a fantasy for me now
i often think about the times i couldve done it but didnt, years ago when i was more normal i had access to several firearms and a massive supply of ammunition from my late grandfather, unfortunately i dont have any of it anymore and im too much of a pussy to buy a gun myself now
i really wish i could just press a button that would kill me instantly. ive tested hanging and i just cant get it to work and i dont have access to anything else. at this point im more likely to die from false vacuum decay than being able to end it on my own terms
sorry for wasting ur time.
ive completely fallen apart mentally at this point. im not really looking for reasons to live anymore, just forcing myself to until i can reliably do it.. not a single day goes by anymore that i dont contemplate ending my life, it's a fantasy for me now
i often think about the times i couldve done it but didnt, years ago when i was more normal i had access to several firearms and a massive supply of ammunition from my late grandfather, unfortunately i dont have any of it anymore and im too much of a pussy to buy a gun myself now
i really wish i could just press a button that would kill me instantly. ive tested hanging and i just cant get it to work and i dont have access to anything else. at this point im more likely to die from false vacuum decay than being able to end it on my own terms
sorry for wasting ur time.
