DocNo
whatever
- Oct 30, 2020
- 1,750
the last post from Uh huh sounded more like i goodbye from life. and don't know marcusuk63 subline "CTB" also doesn't make me really hopeful. but maybe i should be not so bluntly realistic and not destroy your hopes ^^
about my bus.
the last time was my third time being actively suicidal. every time it gets more serious. 1st one just preparations. 2nd one standing on a stool with a noose around my neck. 3rd one with massive testing of partial and also two times where i drifted already away before SI kicked in.
also the intervals got shorter. 1st about 10years ago, 2nd about 2,5 years ago, 3rd about 2 months ago.
but let's see. at least i talk now about my shit and don't try to solve everything alone. this place really helps to digest parts of this mental madness so it can not grow so deep into my soul. but not sure if it's enough.
i made for 1,5 years therapy but it just did lead me to the point where i completely gave up on myself for the first time which led to my 2nd suicidal phase.
and i must say that talking with some people here in the last two months did lead to a lot of insights compared to therapy.
but as i also know that understanding is not enough when you still emotionally trapped in the old shit. it sometimes makes it even worse for me.
but however. i cut it here for now before it gets too long. ^^
yeah - air has a very special vibe in their tracks.
this track only has in common that also the word "air" is in it. normally i post stuff like that more in "theAfterz". but maybe also you like it here cause i guess it has for sure some housy vibe.
about my bus.
the last time was my third time being actively suicidal. every time it gets more serious. 1st one just preparations. 2nd one standing on a stool with a noose around my neck. 3rd one with massive testing of partial and also two times where i drifted already away before SI kicked in.
also the intervals got shorter. 1st about 10years ago, 2nd about 2,5 years ago, 3rd about 2 months ago.
but let's see. at least i talk now about my shit and don't try to solve everything alone. this place really helps to digest parts of this mental madness so it can not grow so deep into my soul. but not sure if it's enough.
i made for 1,5 years therapy but it just did lead me to the point where i completely gave up on myself for the first time which led to my 2nd suicidal phase.
and i must say that talking with some people here in the last two months did lead to a lot of insights compared to therapy.
but as i also know that understanding is not enough when you still emotionally trapped in the old shit. it sometimes makes it even worse for me.
but however. i cut it here for now before it gets too long. ^^
yeah - air has a very special vibe in their tracks.
this track only has in common that also the word "air" is in it. normally i post stuff like that more in "theAfterz". but maybe also you like it here cause i guess it has for sure some housy vibe.