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DocNo

DocNo

whatever
Oct 30, 2020
1,739
the last post from Uh huh sounded more like i goodbye from life. and don't know marcusuk63 subline "CTB" also doesn't make me really hopeful. but maybe i should be not so bluntly realistic and not destroy your hopes ^^

about my bus.
the last time was my third time being actively suicidal. every time it gets more serious. 1st one just preparations. 2nd one standing on a stool with a noose around my neck. 3rd one with massive testing of partial and also two times where i drifted already away before SI kicked in.
also the intervals got shorter. 1st about 10years ago, 2nd about 2,5 years ago, 3rd about 2 months ago.

but let's see. at least i talk now about my shit and don't try to solve everything alone. this place really helps to digest parts of this mental madness so it can not grow so deep into my soul. but not sure if it's enough.

i made for 1,5 years therapy but it just did lead me to the point where i completely gave up on myself for the first time which led to my 2nd suicidal phase.
and i must say that talking with some people here in the last two months did lead to a lot of insights compared to therapy.
but as i also know that understanding is not enough when you still emotionally trapped in the old shit. it sometimes makes it even worse for me.
but however. i cut it here for now before it gets too long. ^^

yeah - air has a very special vibe in their tracks.

this track only has in common that also the word "air" is in it. normally i post stuff like that more in "theAfterz". but maybe also you like it here cause i guess it has for sure some housy vibe.

 
Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Deep down I think your right, one of Marcus's last posts was similar. He wrote "if I'm still here, i'l be spending Christmas alone" I hope they've both found some peace whatever path they've chosen.

It's good that you've finally decided to talk about your problems with the people you've found on here, and you find it beneficial to a certain degree. Your right you can't deal with or solve this kind of stuff alone. I was never actively suicidal when I tried therapy, just suffered mild depression and anxiety (and the overthinking we previously mentioned) and I never found it that helpful even back then.
So sorry to hear you've been struggling with this shit for so long. I really do hope you figure things out :heart:
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
I thought the same thing about the two celeb players.Part of me hopes they left because they didn't need the forum any more.

I understand what you mean about overthinking,and your right that quote makes perfect sense to me too.
I've always been my own worst enemy when it comes to overthinking. I've read countless self help books about it, cognitive behaviour therapy etc but I still can't get my brain to switch off or stop over analysing.

I like your train and bus analogy, you've put it perfectly.i also have the bus waiting and I've got everything I need to get the one way ticket but I'm not ready to get on it just yet either. Good choice with Air by the way. The Moon Safari album was (well still is) one of my favorite albums. :hug:
Let's put that celeb game up again then you two :hug:
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Let's put that celeb game up again then you two :hug:
Its still up..it has something like 3000 plus posts. Nobody seems to want to play it because it involves having to download, crop then upload a picture... Have a look for yourself and you'll understand what I mean (guess the celebrity the games called) :hug: :hug:
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
yeah - seems we finally have recruited a new gamer.
that was easy. just telling how shitty we feel :D
Ha yeah it was pretty easy! :) The problem is people answer then never bother posting another picture to keep it going.
 
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DocNo

DocNo

whatever
Oct 30, 2020
1,739
Ha yeah it was pretty easy! :) The problem is people answer then never bother posting another picture to keep it going.

yeah - those lazy bastards :D while we work our azzes off with new images.
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
yeah - those lazy bastards :D while we work our azzes off with new images.
Ha ha yeah definitely lazy bastards.! Those collage ones made you really have to put some thought and effort into it.

Anyway I'm not a massive fan of this but it's dedicated to the lazy gamers of SS

 
Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Morning @Sherri... Hope your good today. No I have never been to burning man festival before, have you been? I did go to an English festival called the V festival a few years in a row in the early 2000's.

 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
Morning @Sherri... Hope your good today. No I have never been to burning man festival before, have you been? I did go to an English festival called the V festival a few years in a row in the early 2000's.


Yes I've been in 2014, an out of this world experience. Some funny characters there.
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Yes I've been in 2014, an out of this world experience. Some funny characters there.
Ha yeah I imagine there is... You do see some wierd and wonderful characters at festivals over here, I imagine it's even better over there in the middle of the desert!
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
Ha yeah I imagine there is... You do see some wierd and wonderful characters at festivals over here, I imagine it's even better over there in the middle of the desert!
Yes in a caravan for a week, I didn't have any out of these world costumes, the ticket was around 600USD. Sold out In less than an hour.
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Yes in a caravan for a week, I didn't have any out of these world costumes, the ticket was around 600USD. Sold out In less than an hour.
Yes in a caravan for a week, I didn't have any out of these world costumes, the ticket was around 600USD. Sold out In less than an hour.
That's pretty cool, staying in a caravan as well, the festivals I've been to over here I've had to stay in a tent... And the British summer times can be pretty shitty. Not so glamorous staying in a muddy field ha! The biggest festival we have around here is Glastonbury and its around the same price, the tickets for that sell out straight away.
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
That's pretty cool, staying in a caravan as well, the festivals I've been to over here I've had to stay in a tent... And the British summer times can be pretty shitty. Not so glamorous staying in a muddy field ha! The biggest festival we have around here is Glastonbury and its around the same price, the tickets for that sell out straight away.
Was an amazing caravan, but the rental companies charge us 1500 cleaning Fee on the dates of burning man out of LAX. I was with 2 friends and we cleaned it well, so they gave us back the deposit minus 200. Yeah I heard yours festivals there are muddy, would have loved to see Amy winehouse perform there.
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Man that's an expensive week with having to pay cleaning fees on top... I just used to get the cheapest tent I could find and just leave it there! Amy whinehouse was pretty special. Amazing voice before the drugs got hold of her.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
Man that's an expensive week with having to pay cleaning fees on top... I just used to get the cheapest tent I could find and just leave it there! Amy whinehouse was pretty special. Amazing voice before the drugs got hold of her.

Did you see her live? Now I'm jealous, she was already high on this video. It's easy to tell from her eyes. Gone to soon.
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
Did you see her live? Now I'm jealous, she was already high on this video. It's easy to tell from her eyes. Gone to soon.
No I didn't, 2007 was the last year I went which was the year before this... She did start being a real mess on stage towards the end. She got boo'd off stage at a couple of festivals before she died. Real shame to see someone so talented be boo'd. I agree totally gone way,way too soon.
 
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Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
No I didn't, 2007 was the last year I went which was the year before this... She did start being a real mess on stage towards the end. She got boo'd off stage at a couple of festivals before she died. Real shame to see someone so talented be boo'd. I agree totally gone way,way too soon.
Yes she was booed in a few countries, so sad, her manage making her do concerts in that state of mind she was at.
 
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Studio84

Studio84

Archangel
Sep 7, 2020
8,260
She was definitely in no fit state be on stage, anyways best remember her when she was on top of her game...

 
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L

Luna88

Student
Jan 4, 2021
119
AVICII :
I still cant Listen to his music without crying. He made the most beautiful melodies, he was one in a Billion. From outside you can have everything but when you inner kid isnt happy you will have no chance in life. No therapy, no intetvention, nothing will help. He tried it so hard again and again... his struggles are so similar to mine. He just wanted to find Peace.
So Listen to his music...he deserves it so much.
 
Sherri

Sherri

Archangel
Sep 28, 2020
13,796
AVICII :
I still cant Listen to his music without crying. He made the most beautiful melodies, he was one in a Billion. From outside you can have everything but when you inner kid isnt happy you will have no chance in life. No therapy, no intetvention, nothing will help. He tried it so hard again and again... his struggles are so similar to mine. He just wanted to find Peace.
So Listen to his music...he deserves it so much.
Yes that's another good soul gone at 27 years old. Saw his documentary on Netflix, he was so sick. Yes they kept pushing him to do concerts.
RIP Avicii
 
L

Luna88

Student
Jan 4, 2021
119
Yes that's another good soul gone at 27 years old. Saw his documentary on Netflix, he was so sick. Yes they kept pushing him to do concerts.
RIP Avicii

He was 28. And there is an unreleased early version of his doucumentary on Youtube where you can see that the final released version was really bad cutted. He had a lot of help. He was pushing himself the most.
 

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