Help getting over a dangerous obsession with someone

[AloneGunManTheory]

I can't stop thinking about him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything is okay, I want him to step on my face and wipe it all over me, I want him to kiss me and just tell me he cares. I haven't talked to him in months because we both recognize the obsession is going too far. I introduced him to his boyfriend and it felt like I got completely ditched. I'm such a depressing piece of shit I need to die, it feels like I'm not in control of my own life anymore and I'm in some sort of movie being internally directed by a movie director. Some straight Synecdoche New York shit. I don't want to live anymore

 

[fadedghost]

I can't stop thinking about him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything is okay, I want him to step on my face and wipe it all over me, I want him to kiss me and just tell me he cares. I haven't talked to him in months because we both recognize the obsession is going too far. I introduced him to his boyfriend and it felt like I got completely ditched. I'm such a depressing piece of shit I need to die, it feels like I'm not in control of my own life anymore and I'm in some sort of movie being internally directed by a movie director. Some straight Synecdoche New York shit. I don't want to live anymore

Hi, are you straight, gay, or bi? I thought i remembered you being into a woman at one point, no?
oh, no wait, nevermind, you said in another post you were into a woman and into a dude.

 

[AloneGunManTheory]

I'm a guy, I'm pansexual, why?

 

[fadedghost]

I'm a guy, I'm pansexual, why?

i just wanted to make sure i understood.

i don't know what to tell you. romance and stopping romance is a lot like being addicted to a drug and then stopping...

it hurts like hell, you have to go COLD TURKEY or it won't work.

no calls, no photos, block on social media completely, no talking with any close friends of theirs who will mention them

first 3 weeks are hardest, feels like absolute shit, after 3 weeks, it goes from extreme pain to awful pain, and you have to get through next 3 months depressed, after 3 months of depression, the next 3 you may just feel flat or mildly bad, just don't make the mistake of going back and contacting them, it's like an addict having a drug again, it will restart the entire clock.

6 months, no contact at all, not online, not talking, not anything, and it will start to get slightly normal again. but you can't see them, hear them, anything. delete photos, delete social media, move on

if this person loved you, they would probably be with you. and really, you're 19, you're probably hot (or i envision you that way, despite not knowing you), probably a lot of guys would want to be with you... just chill, wait for 6 months to pass, you'll find someone else if you can sort out your mental health stuff enough to be cool.

(i'm super old and not hitting on you. you wouldn't be interested, trust; just trying to let you know that time and zero contact will help you deal with this)

also sorry if this isn't what you want to hear. i remember your first post and i know you're so depressed at times i'm scared to reply, hope i don't say the wrong things to you... hope this doesn't make it worse somehow.

 

[AloneGunManTheory]

Thank you for the replies, I must admit at times I still give in and masturbate to his pictures, I need to stop but he's just so hot fuck. I need serious help

 

[fadedghost]

Going cold turkey is not enough.

You need to dive deep into your own emotions to discover what kind of mental images, stories, narratives you have projected onto this person.

I used music a lot. I developed limerence a while ago, but feeling my emotions was the key to letting it all go completely.

Everytime the feelings came, I just started listening this Marc Anthony's song "A quien quiero mentirle", bro I cried like a baby. I did this thousand times.

Today I can say I have overcome this. Why do I feel so sure?

Because you feel it in your nervous system. A very good psychological work means whatever they do with their lives or say to you doesn't trigger any reaction in your body. It means you have deconstructed everything about this person at the physical (emotional) level and psychological (thoughts).


Remember, it is emotions all the way down.

omg, i disagree with you so much and think this is crazy. it's not about understanding, it's not about probing inner emotions. it's just about absolutely no contact and letting the brain "unlearn" the connections it had. it's brutal but all the oxytocin and dopamine and other chemicals wire the brain and it takes months to unwire that stuff. thinking about it and analyzing it will not help those neural connections get pruned or weakened. sorry, but i think that's sort of wellness stuff that is nice to say but not true. just cold turkey is the answer.

it's like people who are addicted to drugs and they go to rehab and do emotional healing sessions and talk about feelings. i don't know, i guess that could help, but the main thing is to stay away from the drug. plenty of people go to rehab, talk about feelings, and then don't stay away from the addiction and relapse. Sex/love releases huge amounts of chemicals are rewires the brain; it's the same horrible thing, either way. i guess if that stuff helps, it helps? i just see this as horrible neurochemical stuff at the end of the day and believe disconnection and gritting teeth is the only way. Not really sure if new age emotional psychotherapy-speak does anything.

Thank you for the replies, I must admit at times I still give in and masturbate to his pictures, I need to stop but he's just so hot fuck. I need serious help

delete the pictures. every time you wank you're strengthening those neuronal connections. delete them, no backups, no anything.

it's like a cokehead having just a tiny bump of coke. IT WON'T WORK.

You need to delete and or destroy or throw out the pictures. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you. He isn't. Move on. If he's that hot and was fucking you, you're probably really hot or at least kind of hot. Someone else will want to fuck you.

Delete the pictures. If you still can't stop wanking, it's fine, just delete all photos.


You will not get over this until you delete the pictures. If that's too hard to do, do what addicts do: go on a bender, just jerk off a ton, but also tell your closest friend you need help with getting them deleted, have your friend come over and physically delete them, and to go on a roadtrip or do something immediately after.

Or put them in a recyling bin in your computer so they autodelete in 7 days, so that way you can always undelete them. Then go on a road trip really far away... go exploring somewhere. You still may be able to delete them...

You still haven't detoxed from this person because you are jerking off to pictures of them. You need to detox. You need to find a way. It's the same thing as an alcoholic or heroin addict, the first day is the hardest and you won't have that first detox day if you don't get rid of the bottles or stash or whatever.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Swish pattern in nlp is known to break obsessive pattern

 

[Bluepimp]

I can't stop thinking about him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything is okay, I want him to step on my face and wipe it all over me, I want him to kiss me and just tell me he cares. I haven't talked to him in months because we both recognize the obsession is going too far. I introduced him to his boyfriend and it felt like I got completely ditched. I'm such a depressing piece of shit I need to die, it feels like I'm not in control of my own life anymore and I'm in some sort of movie being internally directed by a movie director. Some straight Synecdoche New York shit. I don't want to live anymore

Hello, I fell in love obsessively with a person I didnot even know. You are in a state of fantasy right now. Whatever the fantasy might be, you must kill it before it will consume you. The man is your form of escapism. You have to go cold turkey, it is almost like quitting a mild addiction. What helped me was deleting social media, deleting the screenshots, stop talking about them, when thinking or day dreaming just come back to reality, and if not doing a task already, go do a task. A good task can be meditating, doing maths in your head, reciting the alphabet backwards, etc. First weeks are fucking horrible, you will need support, keep someone close. It gets easier over time. You can do it 2.