reloadmyrifle
she/her
- Apr 7, 2024
- 5
Growing up with a narcissistic dad has mentally ruined me. Constantly calling me selfish saying that he spoiled me throughout my childhood and invalidating every single one of my emotions. I remember when my dad threw my clothes out the window for losing my wallet and forced me to pick them all up when i was 14. I remember when he yelled at me for 3 hours straight for saying no to doing the dishes because I was busy doing something and he proceeded to kick me out of my room and I slept in the living room. I remember the constant yelling and berating of insults. I can never escape it. He will always be my parent, and I'll have to live with that unless I CTB.
He was never a dad to me, and he only had me to fill his ego. I didn't turn out how he wanted it to so he practically abandoned me. He complains whenever he has to buy me something so I stopped asking him. I never ask him for anything. I asked him to buy me a mouse and a keyboard and he proceeded to tell me that I only use him for his money. And it got into a big argument he didn't even show up to my graduation. Not that I wanted him to. He does the bare minimum and all of a sudden he's the best dad in the world. Always boasting about how he's so successful. I truly don't know if he's trying to fool me or himself. My parents favorite line "you have a roof over your head and your complaining" But I didn't ask to be here. Am I obligated to be happy just because my parents do the bare minimum? My dad is a terrible person who has tried to manipulate me for the past 6 years that he is the most amazing person in this world. Im so tired. I never asked to be born. I never asked to be here. and yet im treated like a burden. I wish I was aborted as a fetus.
I started to think about my lack luster parents about 4 days ago he took me to my eye appointment for contacts and talked about how me and my brother were selfish for having my mom living with us. But he's the one that begged my mom to come and live with us because he was drained from having to raise us. All he has ever done is run away from my problems. I didn't have a normal childhood (last post), and all my dad does is try to convince me that my childhood was good. He didn't even live with me from when I was 8-11. My dad used to say this phrase a lot " I wish cats stayed as kittens because they are cuter" and I think that's how he felt about having kids. He liked me as a trophy and something to boast about but when it came actually taking care of me he wasn't there. My mom cheated on my dad and honestly I didn't understand her, but as I grew up to be a young adult I realized how mentally draining my dad is. I constantly have to walk on egg shells with him. If my tone is wrong he would yell at me for being mopey. My mother wasn't any better either. She always makes excuses for her actions and never taught me simple skills as a child. I'm tired of relying on my parents, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I grew up with no friends. Because I was constantly moving around, and I used to try so hard to make friends. I ended up losing all my friends because my social skills were terrible. I used to say too much or too little. I bounced friends a lot trying to find my people and escape being lonely. My dad got mad at me for putting so much effort into my friends and gave me an effort about how I don't care about him or my brother, but this family has failed me. Divorced parents, A brother who raped me, and an emotionally unstable father and this is the family im supposed to turn to? Who am I supposed to turn to in this family? My dad can NEVER admit the faults of this family, and he always back tracks onto me and my mental health. My dad constantly criticizes how I'm not getting any better when he is the biggest problem in my life. Every time I've tried to kill myself its because of the stuff he says. He will never understand me, and I can't do it anymore.
Unfortunately, my dad will never admit that this is the life he built and he dragged me into it. He will always be the victim in his life and he can never be at fault. He criticizes and takes his anger out on every one. His actions are so different from his words.
He was never a dad to me, and he only had me to fill his ego. I didn't turn out how he wanted it to so he practically abandoned me. He complains whenever he has to buy me something so I stopped asking him. I never ask him for anything. I asked him to buy me a mouse and a keyboard and he proceeded to tell me that I only use him for his money. And it got into a big argument he didn't even show up to my graduation. Not that I wanted him to. He does the bare minimum and all of a sudden he's the best dad in the world. Always boasting about how he's so successful. I truly don't know if he's trying to fool me or himself. My parents favorite line "you have a roof over your head and your complaining" But I didn't ask to be here. Am I obligated to be happy just because my parents do the bare minimum? My dad is a terrible person who has tried to manipulate me for the past 6 years that he is the most amazing person in this world. Im so tired. I never asked to be born. I never asked to be here. and yet im treated like a burden. I wish I was aborted as a fetus.
I started to think about my lack luster parents about 4 days ago he took me to my eye appointment for contacts and talked about how me and my brother were selfish for having my mom living with us. But he's the one that begged my mom to come and live with us because he was drained from having to raise us. All he has ever done is run away from my problems. I didn't have a normal childhood (last post), and all my dad does is try to convince me that my childhood was good. He didn't even live with me from when I was 8-11. My dad used to say this phrase a lot " I wish cats stayed as kittens because they are cuter" and I think that's how he felt about having kids. He liked me as a trophy and something to boast about but when it came actually taking care of me he wasn't there. My mom cheated on my dad and honestly I didn't understand her, but as I grew up to be a young adult I realized how mentally draining my dad is. I constantly have to walk on egg shells with him. If my tone is wrong he would yell at me for being mopey. My mother wasn't any better either. She always makes excuses for her actions and never taught me simple skills as a child. I'm tired of relying on my parents, and there's nothing I can do about it.
I grew up with no friends. Because I was constantly moving around, and I used to try so hard to make friends. I ended up losing all my friends because my social skills were terrible. I used to say too much or too little. I bounced friends a lot trying to find my people and escape being lonely. My dad got mad at me for putting so much effort into my friends and gave me an effort about how I don't care about him or my brother, but this family has failed me. Divorced parents, A brother who raped me, and an emotionally unstable father and this is the family im supposed to turn to? Who am I supposed to turn to in this family? My dad can NEVER admit the faults of this family, and he always back tracks onto me and my mental health. My dad constantly criticizes how I'm not getting any better when he is the biggest problem in my life. Every time I've tried to kill myself its because of the stuff he says. He will never understand me, and I can't do it anymore.
Unfortunately, my dad will never admit that this is the life he built and he dragged me into it. He will always be the victim in his life and he can never be at fault. He criticizes and takes his anger out on every one. His actions are so different from his words.
