witchcraft
it's too painful to live but I'm too afraid to die
- Nov 27, 2024
- 139
I'll try to keep this short. I'm just having a bad bout of anxiety in regards to my health.
Since 21, and I'm almost 30, I've drank a lot. So when I hear "wetbrain" I start to spiral.
I'm no doctor and I'm not looking for medical advice here. I don't think I have wetbrain, but I've got hangxiety right now, and I do wonder what kind of toll alcohol has taken on my IQ and mental health. Many days I don't feel as sharp as I used to just a few years ago. Could be age. Almost complete lack of exercise. Stress. Poor sleep. Or... I'm just psyching myself out, as they say.
My relationship with alcohol is weird, in that I go for several weeks, even months without drinking. Then somebody has a wedding on a Friday night that I'm invited to, where I partake in a responsible way so that I can drive home. On the way home I buy a 24 pack of beer and consume it Saturday and Sunday while playing video games.
The specific days don't really matter, it's just an example. I've been unemployed and living with a parent for over two years, so any two days can be a "weekend bender" for me. This does make it somewhat hard to track how much I drink.
Nowadays, it's more like: I drink rarely, and when I do? I drink a lot.
It's odd because my use of nicotine seems to reflect the more standard description of addiction. Using it all day, every day. I think the biggest reason I can't do that with alcohol is because of the severe hangovers. Like, even the "hair of the dog" strategy doesn't really work more than once, because then the next day is even worse. Rather odd when I consider having only very mild hangovers back in college a few years ago despite drinking the same amount, and doing so much more often (like 5 nights a week).
There was also my internship, which I somehow managed to complete (and therefore graduate), which was such a stressful experience that I was drinking every. single. night. for 3 months straight. I was drinking myself to sleep because I hated it so much, and somehow forcing myself to wake up at 6AM to go teach kids. Never brought alcohol to the school, I would just come straight home and start drinking, and keep drinking until I was ready to pass out and do it all over again. That is the worst my drinking got, and when the internship was finally done, I dialed it back.
I'm at the point of quitting. I hope that any damage done is not irreversible. It's just hard to quit completely because there's always some fucking holiday, or a concert, or a wedding, or an old friend wanting to grab some drinks after not seeing them for a year or two. I can't find an excuse to drink every day, but an excuse always finds me about twice a month. Maybe I will start driving myself to each and every one of these events and making that my excuse for why I can't drink.
I think this is just the anxiety getting to me, but wetbrain is such a scary sounding thing and I'm naturally anxious about my health even when cold sober. So I just needed to vent about all this because getting all my thoughts out helps my anxiety, thank you.
I guess it helps that I've always eaten a lot of bacon and pork in general, since it contains thiamine. And I will gladly continue eating my bacon cheeseburgers, and bacon and pork in general with this knowledge. I will ensure I get 100% of my daily necessary thiamine for the rest of my life. I do not want wet brain, I want dry brain.
Since 21, and I'm almost 30, I've drank a lot. So when I hear "wetbrain" I start to spiral.
I'm no doctor and I'm not looking for medical advice here. I don't think I have wetbrain, but I've got hangxiety right now, and I do wonder what kind of toll alcohol has taken on my IQ and mental health. Many days I don't feel as sharp as I used to just a few years ago. Could be age. Almost complete lack of exercise. Stress. Poor sleep. Or... I'm just psyching myself out, as they say.
My relationship with alcohol is weird, in that I go for several weeks, even months without drinking. Then somebody has a wedding on a Friday night that I'm invited to, where I partake in a responsible way so that I can drive home. On the way home I buy a 24 pack of beer and consume it Saturday and Sunday while playing video games.
The specific days don't really matter, it's just an example. I've been unemployed and living with a parent for over two years, so any two days can be a "weekend bender" for me. This does make it somewhat hard to track how much I drink.
Nowadays, it's more like: I drink rarely, and when I do? I drink a lot.
It's odd because my use of nicotine seems to reflect the more standard description of addiction. Using it all day, every day. I think the biggest reason I can't do that with alcohol is because of the severe hangovers. Like, even the "hair of the dog" strategy doesn't really work more than once, because then the next day is even worse. Rather odd when I consider having only very mild hangovers back in college a few years ago despite drinking the same amount, and doing so much more often (like 5 nights a week).
There was also my internship, which I somehow managed to complete (and therefore graduate), which was such a stressful experience that I was drinking every. single. night. for 3 months straight. I was drinking myself to sleep because I hated it so much, and somehow forcing myself to wake up at 6AM to go teach kids. Never brought alcohol to the school, I would just come straight home and start drinking, and keep drinking until I was ready to pass out and do it all over again. That is the worst my drinking got, and when the internship was finally done, I dialed it back.
I'm at the point of quitting. I hope that any damage done is not irreversible. It's just hard to quit completely because there's always some fucking holiday, or a concert, or a wedding, or an old friend wanting to grab some drinks after not seeing them for a year or two. I can't find an excuse to drink every day, but an excuse always finds me about twice a month. Maybe I will start driving myself to each and every one of these events and making that my excuse for why I can't drink.
I think this is just the anxiety getting to me, but wetbrain is such a scary sounding thing and I'm naturally anxious about my health even when cold sober. So I just needed to vent about all this because getting all my thoughts out helps my anxiety, thank you.
I guess it helps that I've always eaten a lot of bacon and pork in general, since it contains thiamine. And I will gladly continue eating my bacon cheeseburgers, and bacon and pork in general with this knowledge. I will ensure I get 100% of my daily necessary thiamine for the rest of my life. I do not want wet brain, I want dry brain.
Last edited:
