Having moments of not wanting to die?

[MiMif]

Like recently I've been second guessing myself. I want to die like literally yesterday I was thinking today's the day but then outta nowhere I think it's not that bad and what I would miss out on if I die.

The main thing that I don't want to miss out on...which may sound pathetic but there's this girl kpop group I've been really into lately and I've been obsessed and with them and having them constantly on my mind and I want to support them. I think that if I die I won't be able to support them and see them succeed.

Like it sounds pathetic and it is pretty pathetic I'll admit...I'm a girl myself and I'm not even gay so I don't know why I'm so obsessed with them but I am. When I think of them I kinda don't wanna die

 

[UKscotty]

I suspect you are no different to most of us on here. If someone really hated life all the time, they would have found a way to CTB.

The majority of us are probably just looking for meaning and a reason to carry on.

Some days I wake up thinking oh not again, others ready to get back into life. It comes in waves for me.

 

[huphup]

Yeah it comes in waves, like @UKscotty said.

We all have different drives, and really its a balancing act between how much pain are you willing to tolerate for your life. Basically, suicide is a signal that we are dealing with excrutiating amounts of stress that we are unable to cope with to the point that we should end it. This supercedes our drive to life.

Maybe something happened that reduced your stress or helped you cope with it.

For me last week was the best I've felt in 6 months, I remember thinking how much I loved life.....and now I am rethinking CTB again

I try to think too whether the pain that I went through was worth the good I temporarily felt. Usually, the answer is no.

 

[rozeske]

No reason you find to keep going is pathetic. It's all valid as long as it's something that gives you a sense of peace and will to live. Don't hate your not wanting to die feelings. I would look in to them and explore them more and decide if it's something that helps me fight longer.

 

[logi3535]

Humans are naturally curious, so it makes perfect sense that we're always wanting to see whats around the corner, and even in the worst of times I don't think most people want to die, but there are those few that just don't want to live anymore because its all too overwhelming