having crisis, need support

[WholeHereafter]

having a panic attack. scared, alone, in crisis, really need a safe space to talk to people who understand. I had access to the chats the last time this happened and that's what helped me immensely, but that's no longer the case. I'm spiraling. Really need to talk to people.

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

What's going on?

 

[opheliaoveragain]

hey xx what's happening? try to take slow deep breaths. I know it's cliche

 

[WholeHereafter]

I have an incurable medical disability that leaves me bedbound, unable to work. Have remained in an abusive relationship to avoid homelessness. They stated they are leaving tonight abruptly. My only possible option is to go to my extremely abusive father's house. Stress greatly exacerbates disease symptoms. I feel unsafe and alone. Also having trouble expressing myself due to high stress/PTSD. I am afraid of using the SN I have. I don't want to die that way but see no other options. His abusive words are inundating me, telling me I'd be better off dead. I know he is right. I don't want to be alone right now and I need help, but I don't know what to do

 

[whywere]

My 1st question is what country you live in.

I live in the U.S. and like most countries. there must be adult supportive services that one can use, now in the U.S. it is somewhat tied to financial health.

YOU are too valuable of a soul to every think of losing on here, you ARE family and is there in your country or geo location adult supportive services?

The state that I live in, after my nasty car crash in 2015, there was so many services to help, and I hope that there is to for you.

My heart aches for you, as just reading your thread tells me just how kind and caring you are.

Well wishes and caring thoughts always my good friend.

Walter

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

I truly understand !! I am literally in the same situation!! It is torture!! And so hard on top of having a medical disability which absolutely makes it worse!! Are you able to stay where you are at for now if they leave? Like a few days or more until you can see if you need a more permanent place to live? If not is there a cheap motel around you could go to for the night? I also have anxiety attacks since I was 7. This helps me a little and you can take it or leave it but it's quick and easy and helps ground you just so you can be able to talk (type). Name one thing you see, name one thing you hear, name one thing you smell and name one thing you can feel near you and feel it. It forces you to use your other senses and re-focus off the crisis just enough. If you can't speak out loud then think it or type it somewhere and delete it after - doesn't matter how.
If you want to talk or vent or whatever feel free to message me. I see I am answering you on two threads on accident lol if you don't want to put details on the thread I now seem to have the messaging option although I never checked before tbh

 

[WholeHereafter]

Thank you everyone who responded, offered support and shared your personal experiences ♡ That helped a lot. Unfortunately I'm being yelled at to get off my computer by abuser. I would like to come back when there's privacy and respond to your replies with more thought and consideration. Thank you again for the support, genuinely. It was consoling and I am thankful for you ♡♡♡

 

[CatLvr]

Please remember that your abuser's problems are NOT your fault. Please do not take the words they say to heart. I hope you can get things worked out where you have a safe, comfortable existence.

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

You are totally right but also being in the same situation myself, I would be lying if I said the words didn't destroy me to my core. The disrespect and cruelty makes me feel like I'm not even human and that I'm worth nothing to anyone. I have been called very horrific things just to hurt me. They aren't true but narcissists love to make everything your fault and take no accountability so you can be tore down to nothing after being love bombed for years prior. I know I should know better and i thought I made better choices after going through this so many times before w different partners, but no I married the worst monster alive so I guess I learned nothing in the end. I was fooled for 5 years though in my defense.