Have you had your dreams crushed?

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah, it all fell apart around '09-10. I quit my D1 sport. That was my calling, my greatest talent. I should have excelled in that then coached. I thought I was going to become an intellectual, a scholar, a professor. Turns out I couldn't even muster an undergraduate thesis.

The 15 years since have been various wastes of time interpersed with mental health crises. For a long time I managed to delude myself that I was about to rise up and live a great life, it was still going to happen, I was still going to be magnificent.

Now that I'm starting to really see and feel aging for the first time (35) I know that was it. I became myself. And what I am is not good.

 

[MentalFuneral]

There is no way I could have ever realized my dreams. My natural gifts and skills are incompatible with the hell world we have created. I'm not capable of anything else, let alone competent. I don't see any option outside of suicide.

 

[hereornot]

Yes, I'd go into detail but yeah.... Let's just say I've been at the top and then hit rock bottom and leave it at that....

Putting it lightly.

Something like this to me too.