Has anything completely broken your spirit?

[hamvil]

only my own reasonings about the world have broken me.

i also feel broken by the world and tired to start all over agaim, too old for tjat

My husband.

Love is such a weird feeling. I've been in really long relationships before him (2-4 years usually) but after meeting him I realized that I never loved any of my previous partners. It was an incredibly short time frame too which is still somewhat unbelievable even though I experienced it myself.

I truly love him but I'm tired and after meeting him I came to the realization that this feeling won't ever go away. I've waited around long enough to be sure of it. I'm insanely glad that I met him as he showed me what true happiness and love really means but it also made me realize that if life doesn't "work out" with him by my side, it simply won't work out. Not alone and for sure not with anyone else.

He's helped me with my past trauma, healed me and helped me grow since I met him but even with all that it's sadly not enough. I don't want to put the blame on him, as he's at least at some points really tried his best and I can't be mad at him for getting tired of constantly helping me. I just want to put an end to it, for the both of us.

I can get a glimply of what you are sharing. the difference is that i met girl that wa like your husband. I girl that made me realise I never really loved anybdy before her. She is now beyond my reach i fucked it up eyond repair. Life with my current wife will never be the same wbut we kee[ each pther compmany, for us is better than be alone, but the magic of the relationship with the othe girl simply is npt there anymore.

 

[blacksand]

time speeding up and seeing that I'm not immune to aging. Its a strange thing to be almost 30 but still feeling 19 inside. I understand what people talk about when they say they you can "wake up" and be 30/40 living the same life. I've accomplished nothing in the decade since school ended and that entire decade feels like it took a few months.

 

[Vizzy]

I am done!

 

[kindalone]

Getting expelled from university when I was already 5 years in and almost had my degree. I was shattered. I felt like everything I did was for naught and felt like nothing mattered anymore. Up until then, I was hopeful and had trust in my abilities but that shit waned and now I can't trust myself to do anything. I hate when people say that I'm smart or capable because deep down I know it's a lie. I have no confidence in myself anymore.

 

[groucho]

Nothing concrete just a tiny constant trickle of failures in all avenues of life. Like a water leak rotting a house from the inside out, eventually the structure will fail.

Getting expelled from university when I was already 5 years in and almost had my degree. I was shattered. I felt like everything I did was for naught and felt like nothing mattered anymore. Up until then, I was hopeful and had trust in my abilities but that shit waned and now I can't trust myself to do anything. I hate when people say that I'm smart or capable because deep down I know it's a lie. I have no confidence in myself anymore.

I have the same feeling, only negative things get through these days.

 

[animetal]

I think what completely destroyed me was when the person I loved so much told me that I mean nothing to them. And seeing my childhood abuser realizing everything that I had told myself in the last five years was a lie to keep myself safe from something I didn't understand

 

[leftdreaming]

The moment that I realized I wasn't who I thought I was. When I learned that everyone saw me differently from how I saw me, everything went downhill fast.

 

[bluebird16]

Many things. But right now the fact that none of the SN sellers ship to my country. I feel like a cornered animal because I don't have a way out.

 

[murmur]

molested

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

My so called partner the one who is supposed to support and be there for me....what a damn shame maybe some day I'll be strong enough to end it idk...

 

[Nights]

When i was 11 all of my friends breaked my spirit, that was the darkest times i went throught, my intention to suicide was at it's highest, but i had no resources or way to suicide expect some pills which didn't even work

 

[ApparentlyNot]

Shrooms

 

[distant stranger]

Have had multiple grand mal seizures from drug use and sleep deprivation of 48 hours +. These seizures have made me noticably slower, more forgetful, and irritable. Seeing how much IV been effected from things IV done and how sharp I was only 2 years ago really messes me up knowing my brain is permanently damaged.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Childhood torture

 

[venin]

I don't even know what happiness would be like. I've never seen anything good in having to endure life, I've always found existing to be tiring, with the endless problems and suffering. I just don't like experiencing things. The thought of death has always been extremely comforting even when I was very young. I've never belonged here.

Sorry for asking, but how is it that you didn't CBT so far?

 

[FuneralCry]

Sorry for asking, but how is it that you didn't CBT so far?

I wrote a thread explaning this as people on here (usually new members to the site) often ask this question.

I cannot stand it when people say that suicide is easy

This is one of the ignorant things that irritates me about people, it’s annoying when even on here some people assume that suicide is easy for everyone and say things like “if you hate life so much then why are you still here”, “how could you not have ctb yet” and it genuinely confuses me why...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[venin]

I wrote a thread explaning this as people on here (usually new members to the site) often ask this question.

I cannot stand it when people say that suicide is easy

This is one of the ignorant things that irritates me about people, it’s annoying when even on here some people assume that suicide is easy for everyone and say things like “if you hate life so much then why are you still here”, “how could you not have ctb yet” and it genuinely confuses me why...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Ty

 

[KAZ-2Y5]

Abuse, abandonment, neglect

 

[FindingHome]

Yes, but its something I haven't shared with anyone. If there is a "GOD" then only he and I know. It's the main reason why I want to CTB. I don't ever feel that I can heal from it. I feel torture and torment every day of my life.

 

[Nothingisreal]

Autism diagnosis last year seemed to push me past the point of hope.

 

[SolomonKado]

this year I lost the will to live. Kept telling myself my whole life "things will get better." They just get worse…

42 proves to me that this world is built on selfishness and pain.

I ended up getting hurt at work and was out for about a month for my injury. I tried to come back after I was better and I was having panic attacks because I no longer felt safe there. Staff and supervisors can get you hurt. On purpose.

My psych doctors had me on a medical hold until they could get my panic attacks under control. I ran out of company given days off so they fired me. After 14 years there and other parts of my life I feel there's absolutely no purpose.

Also, the company that treated me are trying to sue me to get their money back. When you're out of work they get you medical attention and then this company pays you for the days you are out of work.

 

[NoLoveNoHope]

Losing my partner; they were my only hope for this world.

 

[perfectstorm]

Things were bad but one little thing just broke through and left you a husk?

Husband cheated, left me with a newborn, bought a house that was a fraud and I lost my life savings x3 and had a stroke. During my stroke the ER doc sent me home in critical condition and misdiagnosed me with "anxiety" and I ended up paralyzed on my left side. So yea.

 

[EndJstifiesTheMeans]

Lost the love of my life, because i was hikikomori and didn't know how to talk to people, but for the most didn't was my fault

 

[brokeandbroken]

Things were bad but one little thing just broke through and left you a husk?

I was bullied and heavily isolated in the medical school and to be frank dealt with a fair amount of shit beforehand. However, the school committing crimes/illegally forcing me out and everyone just basically saying "be happy and poor" or "deal with it yourself has broken me. I always had the belief that if I was a good person and really needed help/that something bad happened to me I would somehow someway get help. I guess I choose to trust in humanity. I have had that proven completely wrong. My debt, the crimes that occurred, the career I should be having in oncology, just everything torn away from me in a heartbeat. No good person to say no that's not right. To be honest the (lack of) response/care etc... from my (extended) "family" has been the worst. No person to restore my faith in humanity. Just a big middle finger from life. So to answer your question I am a husk.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

I used to have a mind of steel, one year an explosion of nihilism hit me, realised the trap of life fully after just thinking for several days in bed

The lack of purpose kills me the most, i can't give myself it either, i know its fake.

Destroyed entirely after that, used to be physically fit, less so now. I also have schizophrenia as a result of my looniness :

 

[silentcicada]

My family and my ex ruined me. All awful people, terribly abusive and neglectful.

 

[TapeMachine]

Spending an entire year researching my diagnosis, exerting tons of energy I didn't even have to jump through all of the massive hoops to improve myself and my life...all for naught.

I've tried and I've tried, and I just can't seem to get ahead. So why continue fighting a losing battle? I'm defeated. I quit.