Venting Happy at the Thought of Being Dead

[homesoon.]

I have been having a hard time lately, even harder than normal. I could be mid-talking to someone or lending a shoulder or giving advice, and this awfully releasing, peaceful feeling comes over me to think, "This is the memories this person will have of me. This could be the last memory they have of me. I will be dead soon." My shoulders drop from stress. I don't know how to explain it, but my shoulders relax. I wish you could drink when choosing SN as your method. It would sure as fuck make it more relaxing. To just be drifting out, intoxicated, on that last hope. I would sell my sorry soul for that peace. I suppose, in a way, I did when I acquired SN. Now, we wait. I hope, dream even, for that state of dreaming, of relief. You can't feel when you're dead.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Same. I can't wait for my vision to go black. The forever sleep.

 

[homesoon.]

Same. I can't wait for my vision to go black. The forever sleep.

I wish I could explain it, but I can't. The physical weight that lifted from my shoulders when I considered, almost accepted, that I wouldn't be alive much longer; that my time here is almost over. No more guilt, no more pain or sadness. Just nothingness. I want nothing more anymore. I just wish I could gain the courage to get past SI and guilt; once I'm passed that, it's game over.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

I wish I could explain it, but I can't. The physical weight that lifted from my shoulders when I considered, almost accepted, that I wouldn't be alive much longer; that my time here is almost over. No more guilt, no more pain or sadness. Just nothingness. I want nothing more anymore. I just wish I could gain the courage to get past SI and guilt; once I'm passed that, it's game over.

You explained it very well, you write beautifully <3

I had this same feeling today. A wave of peace washing over me at the thought that this would all be over soon. That I wouldn't have to think about this--or anything else--anymore.

 

[steppingoff]

I feel comfort in being dead

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think this is something many of us will relate to. Passive ideation is nice in my experience. Active ideation isn't though. I feel terrified about the process of suicide. I guess one day the worries in life will simply have to be greater than those concerns.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also find comfort in the thought of not existing, death truly is the only relief for me and I'd be glad to finally cease existing for all eternity. What appeals to me about not existing is that existence will no longer be my problem anymore and I won't be able to suffer in any way, I only wish for nothingness. But anyway best wishes.